Today is my baby son Brandon's birthday. He would have been nine today. Unfortunately he never lived to see his first birthday. He died when he was only nine days old from hypoplastic left heart syndrome. The left ventricle of his heart had not fully formed and could not sustain him. He died quietly of heart failure in our home, and I discovered him.
There's not enough space here in this journal to go into that day or the years that have followed. Needless to say, this is a tough day for me. Actually it's a tough nine days as I remember having him with me. This year is especially bittersweet, knowing that he celebrates his birthday now with his Daddy.
Daniel always took Brandon's death harder than me. Probably because he didn't get to know him. Due to circumstances I won't go into here, Daniel and I were separated when Brandon was born, and Daniel only saw Brandon once - laying in state in his coffin. It was always a very traumatic thing, and I believe it was instrumental into helping Dan overcome some of his own issues.
Now they're together. And I miss them both. And I couldn't have posted here without acknowledging them - it would have not been honest.
Today I used my pedometer for the first time, and logged in 6426 steps. Frankly I'm surprised it's that high. I was expecting to see something a lot closer to 2500. I've still got to clock in a trip or two to the park in my intitial three day estimate. And by Saturday I'm going to walk to the mall and prove once and for all how long it is LOL
Tomorrow is my day off and Steven and I are going to continue moving stuff to the new house. I'll be sure to have photos tomorrow.
Exercise - stationary bike 30 mins
4 comments:
{{{Gin}}} I am at a loss for words here, I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine the pain that you feel today, just know that Daniel and Brandon are together, at peace now..God bless them, and God bless you.
How sad! It makes me think of a friend of mine. We used to see each other often since we both worked downtown, and we would talk. Then one day I saw her and she looked like someone else, not the outgoing girl I had known since elementary school. She seemed to barely recognize me, said hello, and went on her way. Then I found out she had found her baby dead in its crib. You must know exactly what she felt like. God bless you.
(((Gin))) So so sorry for you loss....
Aww so sad! I could imagine how Daniel felt.
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