Losing more than weight.... PT 1

Today was weigh in day and I've lost 1lb and 10ozs.  That's pretty cool, really close to that 2lb weekly goal.  It also comes at the time of the month my body rebels and retains EVERYTHING, so that I lost anything is good news.  I've also lost 3inches.  Yeah, pilates!

 I've decided to have a salad week to get everything working like it should be, digestively speaking.  Which is going to be a good thing because I've totally ditched program today.  I'm fending off a cold, I'm achy and tired, so no exercise today.  I'm going to give my body a day of rest so it can do its work keeping another winter cold at bay.  Darn temp changes.  One day it's sunny, the next day it's arctic.  It's playing hell with my immune system.

I'm also eating poorly today.  I'm in a bad mood and I have no excuses.  If anything, I blame PMS.  Well, it's just been a bad week.  Big family fight+PMS+stress to finish the move by today (and it's still not done because...)+all my plans keep getting mangled by life's lil surprises (aka AMBUSHES) = me in a not very pretty mood.

One of the reasons for my sour mood is really stupid.  I used to belong to a fan message board where I was hanging out, making friends (so I thought) and doing what I could to promote the object of the fan board.  Unfortunately the tides turned when most of the other fans began to ignore me because I stated an opinion they didn't agree with.  It started out as a simple group shunning, then today one made a joke at my expense.  When I stood up for myself, *I* was the one treated like an idiot.  Needless to say it was the last straw.

Bashers I can handle.  Disrespect because I don't act, talk, think, feel the same way as the "cool kids" I just don't feel the need to tolerate.  I didn't do it in high school, I'm certainly not going to do it now.  And I'm not going to blow sunshine up people's butts just because they happen to be good friends with said object of the board.  I questioned her on something and Lord God Almighty, you would have thought I was nailing the poor gal to the cross.

Losing more than weight...PT 2

I just decided I don't need that kind of toxic influence in my life.  I've been using that board as an outlet when I need to get my butt in gear and write something meaningful.  Someone had a quote from Plato on their journal yesterday that said, "Wise men talk because they have something to say.  Fools talk because they have to say something."  And I just kinda finally realized by those terms I've been a fool.

This journal is important, my screenplays are important (at least to me) - writing with purpose is important.  And I've lost site of that recently.  But never fear, I've found my way back to Priority Number 1.  Instead of farting around on the internet I'm going to pour my creative energy back into my real writing.  I'm never going to reach my own professional goals wasting my time and energy trying to promote someone ELSE. 

And if you'll see the post prior to this "The Power of Words" you'll understand that what I want to accomplish with my writing is far, far greater than some guy getting CD sales.   Yeah I want him to succeed - I want everyone who has a dream to succeed, but it's coming at what cost?  How much am *I* willing to give away when my own dreams lay dormant?

So I have clicked out of that message board and deleted the links.  Life is too short to be annoyed.  I don't require the world love me (although I don't understand why they don't! LOL) What I do require is respect, even if you don't like me or agree with me.  Sadly for the object of that board, now I want nothing to do with him either because the fan I had the run in with "knows" him personally.  If those are the kinds of people he chooses to align himself with, he's not the person I thought he was.  And I think that's the part that hurts the most.

Life is just full of it's little disappointments today!  It's time to take some Nyquil and go back to bed.

The Power of Words

I've loved to write since I was a little kid.  Ever since I realized this was something I was good at, I was all about it.  One thing that never ceases to amaze me is how when you send words out they have an amazing ability to touch and reach people even though the person doing the speaking isn't consciously trying to change anyone.

Last night I got a call from my best friend of 24 years (that always freaks me out to think how long we've known each other).  He said that something in my journal was helping him in his efforts to quit smoking.  When I say that I approach this diet on a more short term fashion (as in this moment, or today, or this week) it helps me from being completely overwhelmed by how much I have to do.  I just tell myself, I only have to get out the door and walk today.  I only have to deny myself that extra helping this moment.  In doing these things, I've found the strength to get moving or stop eating where I never used to. 

So Jeff says that he's approaching cigarettes the same way.  Instead of chain smoking at the computer, he aspires for one an hour.  Instead of never smoking again, he goes without smoking in set time frames, like driving or for an hour after he eats.  He's gotten down to half a pack, and I have full faith that he'll eventually wean himself completely off of them.  So give a shout out to my buddy Jeff, who reads this, on how amazing he's doing.  He can do it, I know he can.

Because all you have to master is the moment.

Steps - 1459 (no I'm not missing any numbers, it was bloody cold today so no walk for me.  Add a mid afternoon nap trying to stave off a cold, and you have my day.  Blech)

Exercise - 30 mins on the stationary bike & Pilates

Carls Jr, Krispy Kreme & El Pollo Loco OH MY

As January heads for a close it brings into sharp focus the trip I plan to make to California next month.  It's a necessity trip, but I'm going to use it to reward myself.  I'm nearly at the 50lb mark, and I want to celebrate.

We have tickets to go see the Ellen Degeneres Show, which will be the first ever TV show I get to see taped.  So that's way cool.  And I love El, so any excuse to see her is rockin.  I had hoped we could go to Universal Studios, but it looks like funds will be much tighter than I had anticipated.  We'll have to do the lower priced sites instead.

But of course being in California not only means being by the ocean, seeing the mountains and visiting Steven's half of the family - it means I'm going to be tempted on each and every corner by restaurants I love but don't have easy access to.  To resist the temptation to do it just because I'm there will not be easy.

Nor will it be easy to get in all the activity that I'm currently doing.  It's going to take a conscious effort, and dare I say, plan, to keep me on program.  We can go to Griffith Park, which is a really neat place in Glendale.  I might even try the mountain I used to hike when Dan and I first moved to CA.  We can also probably afford a trek to the zoo, which is always a lot of fun and definitely a lot of walking.  Additionally we should hit the beach since we pretty well landlocked here where we live.  There's also Hollywood itself. 

We also decided to catch some of the movies we can't see here where we live, like Monster, The Cooler, 21 Grams and Lost in Translation.  We'll be staying at Steven's mom's house and she lives about 1.5 miles from the local AMC. 

But whatever I do I have to keep it all in balance.  I don't have to deprive myself, but I don't have to over indulge myself either.  I just have to be diligent to what I'm working so hard to accomplish and I should be okay.

There will be lots of photos to share with you through it all.

Steps: 11,504 

TV Corner

Okay, I'll admit it.  Many of my screenwriter friends find it silly, but I love the Bachelor/Bachelorette.  I'll miss the last season of Friends, but I will move heaven and earth to find out who Meredith is going to choose.  I have been watching since Aaron, and still hang in there despite when the outcome isn't what I agree with (Aaron choosing Helene, Bob choosing Estella).  As an eternally hopeless romantic, I long to see the love story unfold even if I don't truly believe it's all together possible.

We started the night with ten guys, three of which I was rooting for -  Lanny, Todd and Ian.  Lanny for the hot Texan thing, Todd for the humor and Ian just because he seems very sweet.  Rick was also among the ten, which I didn't agree with.  I got the feeling he was all about winning, and when Sean got onto him for making a comment about it being "a game", I wasn't surprised.

Ryan M... Oh my.  Well, he's a cutey, and I'm sure he's a nice guy.  But the guy talks NON STOP.  Like Todd said, "What I can say in three words, it takes him like ten."  He felt strongly early on (which I don't fully trust) and he's trying a little *TOO* hard.  And the previews show he's going to face off to Kelly Jo.  If there's one thing we all learned from the last Bachelor, KJ speaks what's on her mind.  

I think I see the spark with Ian.  She mentioned how much he reminds her of herself from her tenure on The Bachelor, and they really seemed to connect on their date.  He looked like he was opening up, and it looked like she responded.

She's still unsure about Lanny, and I can understand.  They come from two totally different worlds.  I don't think he'll make it to the end, but he's a sweetie to spend Wednesdays with until then.  A true southern gentleman, with an accent to boot.  New Bachelor material??  Hummmm....

The remaining 7 are shown above.

I'm not sure what's going on with Chad we're not seeing, but he's gotten a rose each time without any real one on one that we can see.  Is this the editor's way of keeping us from seeing the love story unfold?

 

Music Corner

My music topic for the day could have easily fit into the movie corner.  As you all are probably aware, I am a huge Steve Perry fan.  I'm not the only one.  The very beautiful and very talented Charlize Theron took the stage at the Golden Globes to the tune of "Don't Stop Believin" and screamed a thank you to Steve.

The story behind this is that she wrote Steve a letter to use that song in a particular scene for the movie.  Patty Jenkins always had that song in mind for the scene, and since she and Charlize are fans they decided to see if they could put it in. 

He said yes, the other guys in Journey said yes, and Steve got to hang out with Charlize, Patty and the gang as they put together this film.  It was a big deal for Steve, and I read that Patty was going to give him a music consultant credit.  My imdb.com (or internet movie database) has not yet acknowledged this.

Fun little trivia, and it gives me and the other Perryheads who read the journal a reason to look at old (and new!) Steve photos. 

Enjoy!

Movie Corner

So the Oscar noms are out and there were a couple of surprises.  Nicole didn't get a nod for Cold Mountain, but Johnny Depp did for POTC.  While I'm really excited for Johnny, I think that Sean Penn (Mystic River) is going to be the one to beat - and if anyone does beat him it will probably be Bill Murray (Lost in Translation). 

I've only seen Pirates so far.  As usual, due to lack of funds, we're way behind on seeing the big movies of the year.  Hopefully I'll be able to get a few in before the awards are handed out.

But I will say that having read the script for POTC and seeing it on the big screen (not once but four, count em, four times) I can honestly tell you that the nod for Johnny's performance is well deserved.  As much as I love Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio, the screenwriters of POTC as well as Shrek/The Mask of Zorro, etc - the character of Captain Jack that we all saw on the screen was mostly due to the brilliance of Mr. Depp.  He brought so much to the role.  So much so that anyone else who would have had this role would have made it a completely different character. 

So kudos to Johnny.  I bet he never dreamed he'd get an Oscar Nom swaggering through a movie based on a Disneyland ride, doing his best immitation of Keith Richards.

Entertainment Corner - Announcement

I'm into the celebrity thing.  Always have been.  I am lucky enough to make my living on the fringe of it, but it's enough to keep me up to date on many aspects of entertainment.  And of course, I do wish to write my own movies one day so I'm very interested in what is going on in Hollywood.

So I'm going to start an Entertainment segment of the journal.  Just for fun really, but kinda on topic of my professional goals. 

It should be fun, and after my earlier post you can probably tell I need some desperately!

 

A Heartfelt Thanks...

to the college guys at Walmart who laughed hysterically at my expense today.  Apparently my appearance in their part of the universe brought them much laughter and brightened their day a bit.  Which is of course my reason for existance.

These types of experiences aren't uncommon - they're also very thankfully not frequent - but I notice that I find it particularly offensive when I'm in the midst of a weight loss regimen.  It really pisses me off, because I work entirely too hard to have to deal with infantile behavior from guys old enough to know better.  But alas, not everyone realizes grade school behavior can't go on forever.

On Oprah yesterday they were dealing with bullies, and they had a pretty, popular girl put on a fat suit and makeup to make her look 75lbs heavier.  Her mission was to complete two days at a new high school in this disguise.  She made it one day and decided she couldn't face the treatment she got, so she never went back.

She was able to come home, take off her fat suit, and resume her life as one of the visible people. 

If only it were so simple for all of us. 

And yes I know I shouldn't give my emotions over to strangers enough so that it angers me.  It was a total gut reaction.  I finally turned and glared at one of them, catching him in his nearly doubled over hysterics.  They left after that.  They must have recognized the Glare of Doom and decided to take appropriate shelter.

The way I look at life is you get back what you put out, and I am not like this.  I don't laugh at other people's expense, and I sure as hell don't like it done to me.  One of these days I'm going to snap and tell someone off, and it won't be pretty.  You can ask Steven, me angry never is. 

I live life for me, not for the acceptance of shallow people incapable of seeing human worth past the surface appearance.  And if they don't like it, they can kiss my big fat white butt.

GRR!!!!!!

Steps: 11,065

Coming Together a Bit at a Time

No, not me.  This time I'm talking about the house.  I finally got my living room put together and it feels *GREAT*.  The pictures above tell you what I worked on all evening.

This is the fun part of the move.  I still have the not so fun part of going back to the old place - which has been declared a National Disaster by FEMA - and try to get it cleaned by :: cue clock ticking :: Saturday.  I'll be glad when it's over so I can really concentrate on this place.  We're still sleeping on the floor in the bedroom, simply because my Handyman has been busy working two jobs.  He's a trooper. 

I went for the walk today.  I actually finally got enthused about doing it.  I feel good when it's over.  The kind of good that I feel when I make good food choices.  The kind of good that says, "Don't sweat it.  You're in control and things are going to be great."

I even put my Tai Chi tapes and my Richard Simmons workout tapes at the front of my entertainment center storage just so when I get motivated it's right there for me.  The RS tapes intimidate me however.  I am the whitest white girl ever, born without a crucial rhythm gene necessary to follow along with these tapes.  Maybe one day when I'm all alone, with all the drapes pulled, I'll get up the courage to tackle it. 

I'm not holding my breath... but hey, it's there when I decide to do it.  And I have a fabulous new living room in which to do it.  So yeah me! :)

Steps for the day: 11,840.

The Lettuce Shredder

Back in my Burger King days we used to shred lettuce for the sandwiches.  We used a stainless steel lettuce shredder that looked like something you might find in a dungeon.  It stood on four legs and right in the belly of it were about six stainless steel, razor sharp blades.  You would put the head of lettuce on top of these blades, then grab the top portion of the thing and slam that head of lettuce right through those blades. 

It was a great tension breaker. 

I wished I had one today.  I managed not only to goof up once today at work, but when attempting to fix it I goofed again.  It was nothing major mind you, just annoying as I tried to fix it.  It took me 7 hours to do what normally takes me at the most 4. 

Thankfully I've had my Eagles CD on repeat since I started.  I'm hearing songs I've never heard before, and I was a diehard Eagles fan as a kid.  Apparently the one album I never owned (On the Border) is where these songs come from.  James Dean and Ol'55 respectively.  Both really great songs.  It's like finding a fiver in some jeans you haven't worn since last year. 

I didn't go for my walk today, it was cold and windy all day.  I'm not going to beat myself up about it because on Dr. Phil's show he was advising his Booty Camp participants how to change their lifestyle so that they lose weight.  Everything he advised, I'm already doing.  I'm doing cardio (the walks) at least 5 times a week, and the full body workout (on the balance ball) every other day, which meets his 3 times a week goal. 

He did have his nutritionist show one of the participants how to satisfy a sweet tooth without using processed sugar.  She put together some apple, some sugar free yogurt, vanilla and cinnamon - which the lady said tasted just like candy.  Sounds tasty to me!

Speaking of Pilates, I do have a workout to do tonight so I won't stay here long.  My butt is numb from all the hours I've spent sitting here.  I also missed dinner, which isn't good.  I'll go see what I can dig up that won't be too heavy for this late.

Catch ya tomorrow. 

Taking Time for Me

Sundays are crazy days for me, and today was crazier than usual.  My sister, for whom I work, has finally moved the office over to the new house.  The only problem is the cable modem isn't up and running yet, so I had to do a lot more work on my end. 

It's no big deal.  I need the hours, and I can always use the money.  It just meant I didn't have a whole lot of me time today. 

I almost very nearly talked myself out of my walk today just using my tight schedule as an excuse.  But all I could think about is that next weigh in, and how much I wanted it to be even more lbs gone.  When I looked at my trusty pedometer and it said a measly 300 steps, I knew my blowing off the walk wasn't going to help me achieve that. 

So I went on my walk.  I hated the entire walk to the park.  My feet hurt, I was stressing out about what needed to be done when I got home, etc.  Finally I had a conversation with myself to convince myself that this is what I needed to do to get through the night.  By going out, "pampering" myself with some alone time, getting fresh air and doing something positive toward my goal, I was better able to cope with what I had to face when I got hom.

I wish I could say I'm to the point that I love to exercise and you can't keep me still, but that's not happening yet.  I'm still really lethargic and I have to physically force myself to do these things. 

But I do like the way getting out and doing things makes me feel.  And I really like seeing the changes taking place because of it.  Since there is only one way to get those feelings, I guess I'm gonna hafta learn to like it.

Steps: 11,439

I am a L O S E R!!!

I got the bright idea to go to the mall today and weigh myself on the scale in front of GNC.  Last time I did that was on 01/09/04 and I weighed in at 313.

So today I went, determined to put to rest once and for all if my scale is indeed demon possessed or perhaps just battery drained from the many times a week I weigh.  I decided to let the GNC scale tell the tale.

I tried to take pictures of both printouts, because I'm just so vindicated I could cry.  I weighed in at 306lbs!  That brings my total loss up to 44lbs, and it shows an 8lb loss in two weeks.

Above you'll see the other non scale related victory I achieved today.  That shirt has been skin tight on me for a long time, and I refused to wear it even though it's one of my favorite shirts ever.  It's a velour type soft and fuzzy shirt that shimmers, and since Steven calls me his little magpie because I go for things that sparkle and glimmer, I just dig this shirt so much. 

Well today I put it on and as you can see it fits just fine.  It's no longer tight or rides up (cuz this type of material curls).  So overall it's been a pretty good day.

I've decided to abandon my scale in favor of the GNC scale for two purposes.  It's not something I can do every day, since I physically have to go to the mall to use it.  And two it is probably way more accurate and way less frustrating.  So as of today my new weigh in day is Saturday.

I feel *SO* much better now.  :)

**added at the end of the night:  total steps for the day 4558 (due to the rainy conditions you could see from the other photos I posted), and I did my Pilates routine.

Just Another Walk in the Park...

I need to apologize to all of you guys.  I've been really down in the mouth here the last couple of weeks.  I've let myself get even more weighed down with depression and I'm even finding myself a chore to deal with.  

Today Steven went with me and we decided to walk the longer track at the park.  The legend says it's 1 1/2 miles, but we both kinda figured it's a bit more.  I had to stop about 3/4 way through, and I've been pretty well useless since I got home.   But I got my 11,400 steps in, so it was worth it.

As we were walking home I began to think about my problem with destination vs. journey.  Then I realized.  This is a journey of 166lbs.  Just like the bigger walk around the park, which was a little more challenging for me, I just put one foot in front of the other and before I know it I've made it the entire distance.  It's not going to come any faster than what I decide to put into it. 

So I need to learn to enjoy this process, just like I found ways to enjoy the park.  I enjoyed chatting with Steven, we hadn't walked together since last week and that was always "our time" together.  I enjoyed the different route, which was a little more rustic than the route we normally take.  I enjoyed the weather, it was overcast and crisp, like it could rain at any minute.  I enjoyed the fact we went when the park wasn't that crowded, and I felt like I could totally enjoy my own pace.  And when it was over I enjoyed the fact I knew I did what was good and positive for my body.

Before I know it, those four pounds I was grousing over will add up to 14lbs, 24lbs, and eventually all 166lbs - and I'll be done. 

Just one foot in front of the other.

A Walk to Clear The Mind

First let me say, Happy Birthday Steve Perry.  55 and going strong, and handsome as ever.  I've had a crush on this guy since I was 13 years old.  I can't imagine my teen years without his voice as the soundtrack.  So much love goes out to him.

I was pretty down in the dumps today.  Mom bought me flowers, as did Steven, (see above for pics), and I gave myself the present of staying on program.  I went for my walk to the park even though it's not Friday.  I almost talked myself out of it, but when my steps were totaling 300 by 5pm, I knew I had to get serious.  No more excuses here.  I gotta do the work. 

And so I did.  I notice that each time is getting progressively easier.  My steps now are at  9525, not bad for a day's work.  I also managed to get 7 hours in actually working, so that helps the ol paycheck.  Depression sucks, but like felngdswrd (aka Mary) says in her Hellllp! I'm fat and dieting journal -Do you say, "But my will is weak and wavering!" Train your will, then, till it becomes steady and strong, and you will be surprised to find how soon the act of willing develops the power of willing. --W.J. Dawson

So I'm training my will.  It's not easy but nothing worthwhile ever is. 

I should warn you that you're entering a Cliche Minefield when you approach my journal these days.  I have to repeat these mantras to myself, no matter how trite they sound.  They're things I know but don't quite feel yet, so I just have to keep telling myself all these things. 

So I'm gonna keep tellin myself No Pain, No Gain.  Winners never quit and Quitters never win.  When the going gets tough, the tough get going. 

And best of all I'm going to flip on my CD player and let the Birthday Boy remind me Don't Stop Believin.

Aarrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

311.  311 AGAIN.  It was 309 yesterday, and since I walked my butt off (literally) I was sure it'd be at LEAST 309 or lower.  But newwwwwwwwooooooooooooo.  It's 311.  I could just scream. 

I want to go off program so bad.  This is week 3 of no progress.  I know I should be glad I haven't gained.  I know I should be grateful of inches lost.  I know that muscle weighs more than fat and my body weight is redistributing rather than shedding but I don't understand how people can have consistant loss doing what I do and I see no change on the scale.

I could cry.  I'm so frustrated.  :(  :(  :(  I really feel depression hitting hard, more than anything I want to go back to bed and brush off work, brush off the diet, and brush off doing anything even remotely related to losing weight.  Because it appears it's just not working.

I've cut down enough calories and am burning enough calories that I should see a loss.  I wish I knew what I was doing wrong so I could fix it.  :(

 

True or False Answers

Here are the answers to the True or False questions I posted below. 

1. True.  My dad was 33 years older than my mother and had five other kids before me.  The oldest was a couple of years older than my mother.

2. True.  I went to a celebrity party hosted by one of our Australian clients held at a posh hotel in Beverly Hills.  As part of the deal they gave away authentic Australian digeridus, and I confiscated four of them.  It was a soap event so I got to see people like Peter Reckell, Jacob Young, Ashley Lyn Cafagna and others.  Interestingly, I've forgotten most of the people I saw there.  The one I wanted to see (Ingo Rademacher/GH Jax) wasn't there.

4. True.  I wrote my first novella when I was a mere 14, inspired by the song Ships by Barry Manilow.  It was about a man whose father left his mother before he was born, and tries to come back to make amends once he's grown.  I wrote Barry Manilow to get permission to use Ships in the dedication, and he wrote back saying that I could.

Today was an active day.  My work schedule has suffered muchly, so I have to start doing that during some downtime instead of putting it off.  Being at home - it's a mixed blessing. 

I walked to the park and then to a supermarket nearby.  All in all my steps total 13,229.  I discovered I like my little walks today.  I'm able to spend time with myself and I don't get a lot of "me" time. 

I did overeat at dinner.  I mean, I didn't eat more than my windows allowed but I did stuff myself to the point of discomfort.  Not sure why. 

Tomorrow is weigh in day.  I haven't had any of the processed dinners since Monday, so we're going to see if that had any effect the scale.  <crossing fingers>

Thanks to everyone for their continued support.  It means SO MUCH to me, I can't even tell you.

I couldn't do this without y'all.

New Photos...

Today was picture day.  And a frustrating day it has been.  Despite my efforts, the weight loss is only a 4lb loss since December 20, which has depressed me much of the day.  As for inches, I have lost about 2".  So the difference isn't all that notable.

I don't know what to do.  I'm seriously contemplating Dr. Phil's rapid loss plan just to jump start the weight loss and motivate me to continue.  I wrote a big long diary entry on my website because 2500 just couldn't cover what it is I'm feeling right now.

I did do the Pilates today, and this time I tackled a lot of the advanced versions of the exercises.  I really felt the burn on some, and some I really found a lot easier than I had anticipated.  As for the bridge I just tossed the ball aside and did without the ball, that way I could still do the exercises even if I can't use the ball all the way through yet.

No walk today so my steps are WAY down at only 2655.  But on Thursday (my next non park walking day) I plan to walk around the block or something to make up for the steps I'm not getting since I now work from home.

Don't worry.  I'm not giving up.  I'm just a little down. 

Tomorrow's a new day.

My favorites

Joining in on more journal fun, here is a list from Sittin on the Fence with my answers.  (Sorry I don't know how to hyperlink.)

1.  Season: Spring
 2.  Day of the year: Hard to say.  Probably Christmas
 3.  Natural setting: Seaside
 4.  Natural wonder: a sunset
 5.  Man-made wonder: The Golden Gate Bridge
 6.  Ice cream flavor: Dairy Queen soft serve. 
 7.  Snack: Right now I'm really digging Quakers seasoned rice cakes.
 8.  Cocktail: Cosmos, Kamakazis and Champagne.  Not all together of course LOL
 9.  Beverage: Lemonade
10. Ethnic cuisine: Chinese, Thai, Italian
11. Place: Las Vegas and San Francisco
12. Vacation fantasy: Australia, babee (or should I say mate)
13. Type of music: 70s rock, country, 80s pop or adult contemporary from 70s - today
14. Entertainer: Steve Perry
15. Group: Journey with Steve Perry   
16. Song: Faithfully, Journey + many many others... depends on mood
17. CD: Trial By Fire, Journey
17. Movie actress: Toni Collette is totally underrated
18. Movie actor: Tom Hanks, Bruce Willis, Jim Carrey, Johnny Depp, Steve Martin
19. Movie: Pirates of the Caribbean currently tops the list, Plains, Trains & Automobiles, Big, American Beauty, Beaches, Parenthood, etc
20. Author: Danielle Steel & Stephen King
21. Novel: Christine, by Stephen King
22. TV actress: Jennifer Aniston, Ellen Degeneres, Sarah Joy Brown     
23. TV actor: John Ritter RIP, Matthew Perry
24. TV Show: Moonlighting, Friends, Night Court, Three's Company, Cheers, The Bachelor/Bachelorette, The Ellen Degeneres Show
25. Celebrity: Steve Perry, Johnny Depp, Bruce Willis, Ellen Degeneres, Oprah Winfrey...
26.) Favorite Color: Purple
27.) Favorite Comedian: Eddie Izzard, Ellen Degeneres, Bill Engvall
28.) Favorite perfume/cologne: Inner Realm for women

Supremely tired now but...

Winston and I walked from my house to the park, around the park and back, bringing up my total steps today to 12,241 so I'm pretty happy about that.  I think I'm going to further research what Jeannie said in her comment to my previous entry by checking out if it is indeed the processed food and excess sodium that is sabotaging my scale readings.  I'll start next shopping trip and then compare the two and let you know what I found out.  Now that I work from home I can prepare meals rather than depend on microwaveable dinners, although I do like the convenience of them.

Tomorrow is the 20th, which means another weigh in and another picture update.  Hopefully that's all it will take to boost my enthusiasm.  <crossing fingers>

A Low Point...

I need to stop watching Dr. Phil.  That's all there is to it.  Here I am watching these wonderful deserving people have incredible weight loss and instead of inspiring me it's really making me feel frustrated at my own stagnant weight loss. 

I realize that the numbers aren't everything, but they are something - and I'm not seeing a real loss.  It all adds up over time, but there are people who can lose 14lbs over the holiday season and I didn't lose any pounds to speak of.  And I worked hard, all the exercise I did, all the food choices I made - it was all right on target. 

And it's really making me wonder what am I doing all this for?  I know I have to do it to maintain my health, but I'm so frustrated that the weight just isn't coming off.  It doesn't help my routine has been disrupted and my control has been challenged. 

This doesn't help inspire me to do the walk today.  I said I was going to do the big trek to the park on Mondays Wednesdays Fridays and Saturdays, and here it is Monday and I'm looking for excuses not to go.  Steven had to work, and he's my walking buddy.  I twisted my knee while moving.  It's not even 50 degrees outside.  There are a lot of reasons not to go.  I want to believe the reason to go is to lose this weight - but compared to the losses I'm hearing on this show, I wonder if it's even really for that.

What am I doing wrong?  And how can I make it right? 

One thing's for sure, sitting here on my butt and feeling sorry for myself isn't going to help.  So I gotta make this walk.  I'll check in tonight.

A long day...

Today was my first day working again from home.  It was busy but productive.  The only problem is I stayed pretty well sedentary.  My step count is 5763 and I'm feeling all flabby where I was feeling firmer.  It's time to go back to Pilates. 

Hopefully I'll be able to do my walks to the park this week.  It looks to be cold, they're even predicting snow on Wednesday, but I'll try to tough it out until my sister is able to move her stationary bike over to my house.  She is going to let me borrow it since I've been using it and she hasn't. 

The diet is going pretty well.  I had Chinese again yesterday and probably danced around going over my carbs for the day.  I stocked up on my favorite Lean Cuisines and Smart Ones and Uncle Ben's low fat rice bowls to eat during the day.  So I'm pretty confident I won't overeat even while working at home.  The only thing that scares me is I'll get out of the habit of exercising, and I know how crucial that is to the success of this plan.

I'm not giving up, weather be damned.

Another day, another 10,000+ steps...

Today was another successful day on the ol' pedometer, clocking in 12,458 steps thanks to a couple of trips to the local Walmart Super Center.  Still no walk, again it rained and this time was cold.  I wouldn't be half surprised if it turned to snow.  Lubbock, which is only about two and a half or three hours away, had snow today.

Soon I'll get back on schedule.

 

True or False?

I'll join in the fun.  Below are some comments.  Three are true, three are not.  

1.  My step brother is older than my mother.

2.  I went to a celebrity party in Beverly Hills and walked out with an authentic Austrialian digeridu.

3.  When I was a kid I won the local spelling bee, and missed state wide by one word - miscellaneous.

4.  I wrote my first novel when I was in 7th grade, using a Barry Manilow song as inspiration.  He sent me a letter to give me permission to use the song in the dedication.

5.  I went onstage with Patti LaBelle during a trip to Vegas, thanks to the free champagne buffet.

6.  I have one green eye and one brown eye, I use a green contact to make them the same.

 

They say it's your birthday, nananananananana...

Today Timothy turned 14.  God, how did this happen?  He's growing into a man right before my eyes.  It seemed like just yesterday he was just a baby, or a child.  Now he's a teenager. 

I scored some points even though my birthday gifts weren't as big as I would have liked.  We got him Freddy vs. Jason.  I really really had to think hard about it considering the type of movie it is, but then I remember my teen years and watching movies like that is sort of a rite of passage.  I really had nothing to fear, he spent most of the movie hiding behind his hands and not even watching.  The nudity scenes made him and his other friend giggle - Steven and I both were at a loss how to handle it so we just adopted that "cool" parent mode like it's no big deal.  Again I have to remind myself what I was like at 14 - and I'm just grateful he isn't the wild child that I was.  In that I'm pretty lucky.

But I still don't feel old enough to be the mother of a teenager.  Oy.  But like I said, with the movie and a neat little necklace (I got in lieu of the studded bracelet he wanted - double oy), he seemed really pleased with his day.  And that's all a parent can really hope for I guess.  He's in his bedroom right now with a new friend and they'll probably play their X-Box till way late in the morning.  Meanwhile I'm dragging after only four hours of sleep.

How did that happen?  I remember the marathons my best friend Jeff and I used to have when we were 16, staying up all night Friday till as late as we could stand it on Saturday.  Boy I tell you what, those Looney Tunes were never as funny as they were when I watched them in a state of sleep deprived delirium.  That Road Runner is a hoot!

I didn't exercise today either, and my steps are way down from yesterday.  We had pizza and an ice cream cake for dinner, but it so fit into my meal plan considering I was too busy to eat all day.  Hopefully by tomorrow I can get back to the Pilates even though a walk might very well be out of the picture.  We're currently under a deluge of rain here in my lil spot o'Texas.  It's rained pretty much since yesterday and it looks like it's going to last on into Monday.  I'll figure something out. 

Exercise: 5610 steps.

I Have Returned...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh it's good to be back!

I'm sitting here at my computer in my new, huge, living room.  I spent all day moving, my pedometer is smoking at 15,015 steps!  So I don't feel too badly about not exercising.

I did have a really bad day the other day.  I've been so stressed out and my routine is so disrupted that I've been really hard to deal with.  I sabotaged myself by not exercising the last couple of days - I sure made up for it today.  I haven't gone off the diet though, even though I wanted to. 

I ate Chinese food yesterday - my weakness - and ended up paying a huge price with indigestion all night long.  No matter how good it tastes, very few foods in the world are worth this.

Today is my checkin day for the Richard Simmons challenge, and I'm back down to 311.5.  The good news is I've lost four inches - I'm now measuring five places instead of three, so I can really chart the progress.

Starting Saturday I should be back to a steady routine, and I want to try and walk the Big Walk from my house to the park, around the park and back.  This is a three mile trek.  My goal is to do this Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays.  After today's step count, it should be a walk in the park literally!

Good news, Steven has a new job.  It's full time so that's going to take a lot of financial pressure off.  The only problem is it's a night shift, so our schedules will conflict and he's going to miss a lot of time with the kids.  But we'll make it work as long as we need to. 

Thanks to everyone who visited and commented on the journal even when I wasn't posting LOL  I really missed you guys, and I think that losing my ability to post here every day really illustrated how instrumental this journal and your support is to my Journey.

So I'm very grateful.  Thank you :)

Stuck in the Middle

My goal is to post daily, but my cable company doesn't agree.  I'm without a cable modem probably until I'm into the new house, so if I don't post, don't worry.  I'm still plugging away.  And right now that means going in between two houses, trying to get moved in.

Thanks to everyone who reads and/or comments this journal and is supporting me along my journey. 

You guys are tops.  :)

Two Months into the Journey

Well the time has come, to re-evaluate this past month, assess my accomplishments and face up to the disappointments, realizing what goals I met or what goals I have yet to meet.

December 11 I weighed 313.  January 11 I weigh 313.  I'm fluxuating between 311 and 313, so what I weigh tomorrow is anyone's guess.  What is definite are the inches gone, and I've lost 4 inches since last month.  So I know things are happening in my body even if my demonic scale chooses not to acknowledge them. 

Of course there was the huge breakthrough the other night at the Cotton Patch, where I'm officially divorcing myself from the idea that luxury or treating myself involves destructive eating habits.  I could actually feel pampered by eating right - knowing I won't feel guilty at the end of it.

As for the writing, you all may beat me with a wet noodle - aside from this journal or my weight loss website I haven't written much more than my rent check.  I do have an idea to work on my script Dirty Little Secrets, to prepare it for the contest circuit coming due in late spring.  I want to complete a rewrite and get it in to a script consultant by no later than March.  I'll keep you updated, no pressure on this as the whole weight loss thing has very much become my full time occupation.

Up above are the pictures Steven suggested I show to the world.  They demonstrate the changes that have taken place during the Journey so far. 

I'm not proud of my exercise today because I worked a 9 1/2 hour shift, but I did get both bikes in and the Pilates. 

On to February 11, right before my LA trip.  I want to break the 300lb mark, and I also want to be walking 3 miles at least four times a week.  (that's from my new house to the park and back).  Will I fit in a 26 then? 

Only time will tell!

Self Esteem vs. Body Image

I sent this journal to a friend of mine who sent a response stating, "How wonderful to hear from you, and to hear that you are on a mission to have a "New You!"  (Not that there was anything wrong with the old you!)".  I meditated on this all day.

I look at my photos or my reflection and I have a really hard time accepting that I'm okay as is.  To me, all the weight is the ultimate signal of my complete failure.  As long as I'm bound by all this weight, I feel like my rights are limited; to be happy, to be loved, to have a future. 

I've bought into every stereotype society initiates.  I feel like I'm lazy, or selfish, or unnattractive or unworthy.  I walk down the street with my head down - not meeting the glances from strangers, avoiding the laughter I hear even when there's complete silence.  I'm afraid to put my "real" self forward, afraid of being rejected.  I anticipate it, expect it and even understand it - even when I don't impose that same rigid set of expectations on anyone around me. 

I don't know how to change this.  I tell myself that I'm beautiful or good or worthy, but it hasn't made it from my head to my heart yet. 

So I vow today to work on this.  To accept myself as is.  To be comfortable with myself even if I don't weigh 145lbs yet.  Otherwise I'm going to sink into a pit of self loathing that will only sabotage my efforts.

Toward this end, I'm going to include one of Richard's motivators from the Foodmover in each and every entry.  I'm going to deliver myself from thinking that this is conceited.  It's a necessary internal dialogue I need to foster in order to raise the self esteem while I work on my body image.

Because there isn't anything wrong with the Me I am now.  That's what makes her so worth the hard work and dedication it takes to make her healthy enough to be around for many years to come.

Exercise - 9070 steps (getting closer to that 10,000 goal by the day!)

RS Motivator: I will say something positive about myself every day.  "I'm more than a survivor.  I'm a warrior.  I don't just survive hardships, I overcome them."

The Iron Maiden PT 1

No I'm not having a 70s flashback.  I'm referring to the Nuclear Meltdown that occured in my home this afternoon.  I had sworn not to address it in tonight's entry because I had another topic ready to explore, but as I went through the remainder of the evening, what Steven told me really demanded closer examination.

The meltdown basically came when the kids broke the house rule and invited a friend in with no parent present.  This, compounded with the other rule they broke (playing before chores) sent me into a complete coniption.  This has been happening more and more, and I finally determined that while I'm devoting so much energy on getting ME cleaned up, I needed Steven and the boys to handle getting themselves in order.   I just don't have the energy to chase them down to tell them how to act when they should already know.  All my energy is going into what I'm trying to do for myself and for my health. 

Steven commented (much later when the mushroom cloud had disappeared and my hair had returned from it's snake state) that I needed to share how hard my journey is with him.  That I come off, even in this journal, as being in control and being strong. 

This took me by surprise because I've been more honest in this journal than I've ever been.  My family and friends read this, so I'm really opening doors I have never before opened.  I felt very vulnerable and weak even as I addressed how difficult some of my challenges had been, but Steven says that I make it look "easy". 

I work really hard at what I do because I'm motivated by mortality.  I'm scared quite literally to DEATH of failing. 

The Iron Maiden PT 2

So every waking breath is dedicated to this process quite by necessity.  I constantly plan, research, or am doing something toward my goal.  Ever since I've reassessed my success determined by the day's goals completed rather than seeing 145 on the scale, I've been a success junkie.  And it feels good at the end of the day and I can tick off my accomplishments. 

But as determined as I am or as hard as I work, they still come at a price.  As time goes on I anticipate things will become habit and I won't have to work at them so hard.  Like yesterday.  But right now every single day is a challenge.  And I get through them not because I'm any kind of Super Woman, but because I get through the challenges knowing I only have to get through that moment.  I only have to ride that minute more, or walk that step further.  I only have to decline dessert for the night, not forever.  I take the moments each at a time and muddle my way through to the success.  

And I'm proud of them, because I know how hard they were to come by.  If nothing else, I hope that this journal truthfully details my Journey so that everyone understands that it doesn't take a Super Woman or an Iron Maiden to do this.  It's hard... but it's SO worthwhile. 

Exercise: 8276 steps, walked 3 miles, 30 mins. stationary bike, 10 mins recumbant, Pilates

THE FINAL ANALYSIS ON DISTANCE TO THE MALL - 1.5 MILES

WALKING TOTAL INCLUDING WALKING AROUND THE MALL - 2 MILES

I'm Proud of Me

First of all I have to give a great big shout out to Richard Simmons.  All last month I was doing it all by myself and lost 6 total lbs.  In one week on the Richard Simmons foodmover I've lost 3.5lbs.  Eating more really IS the key.  Whodathunkit?

But that isn't the reason I'm proud.  Today we went to the city Art Walk where I succumbed at a bakery for my favorite lil o cookie in the world - the thumbprint.  I had two and I also got a small lemon bar.  It was all within my daily allotment of calories and I was getting a lot of exercises at the Art Walk.  I think I climbed four sets of stairs.  I must've because my step count for the day is 8591!!  That's 3.41 miles walked with 924 calories burned. 

But that's not why I'm proud.  I also rode my sister's stationary bike for 30 mins, and then my own for 10 mins more.  I *really* didn't want to because my legs were REALLY hurting by the end of the night when I chose to do my bike, but I forced myself. 

But that's not why I'm proud.

I'm proud because when we went out to eat after the artwalk, I deliberately chose the low cal/ low fat options (grilled fish over rice, steamed veggies and a salad no dressing) - and I did it WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT IT!!!  We went to a restaurant called The Cotton Patch, which is down home cooking.  You shoulda seen the massive chicken fried chicken smothered in gravy that Steven ordered.  I didn't even want it!  I can eat wherever I want to eat now, I am liberated from the thought I have to "treat" myself.  This is HUGE.

I went off my program by two starches today (I miscalculated or else I'd have ordered double veggies and left out the rice and avoided the bread basket), but other than that I stayed within my program and it was all by habit. 

I am SO STOKED!!!

Today was a GREAT day!

Moving Out, Moving In, Moving Up

Here are the pictures like I promised.  I hate leaving the house every day, I can't wait for the day we're there to stay.  Next weekend is the big moving event, until then I'm going to have to revist George Carlin's routine about "stuff" to deal with my belongings spread out between two places.

I didn't go to the office today to ride my sister's bike, instead I rode on the recumbant bike we have here at the house.  I prefer my sister's bike simply because it's more upright and my bike is more horizontal - which works the muscles in the legs a lot more.  You're not just pedaling, you're pulling your legs back to you too.  Anyway,  I only rode for ten minutes, but I figure ten minutes a day will condition my body so that when my sister and I move in opposite directions I won't miss a step in my workout routine. 

According to my pedometer, even a day off without walking a mile at the park or doing the full 30 mins on the stationary bike didn't affect the count as badly as I suspected.  My count is at 6402 steps, which is 2.54miles and 659 calories burned.  I dig this totally nifty new playtoy. 

Tomorrow is the park for sure.  And hopefully Saturday will be the mall, so we can finally answer that burning question that has drown a line in the sand right down the middle of the Voight household - is Steven right or is Ginger?  Personally my money is on Ginger.  :-p

Tomorrow I'm also going to weigh in.  I had suspended officially doing it every week (but still did it anyway, who's fooling who here?), but after I went back to my Richard Simmons Foodmover I decided to start the year right and do the Challenge on Richard Simmons' 100+ board.  So tomorrow I'll have been on the Foodmover a week, I can't wait to see what it says! 

All in all it was a good day.  A very nice way to spend a day off.  :)

Happy Birthday Brandon

Today is my baby son Brandon's birthday.  He would have been nine today.  Unfortunately he never lived to see his first birthday.  He died when he was only nine days old from hypoplastic left heart syndrome.  The left ventricle of his heart had not fully formed and could not sustain him.  He died quietly of heart failure in our home, and I discovered him. 

There's not enough space here in this journal to go into that day or the years that have followed.  Needless to say, this is a tough day for me.  Actually it's a tough nine days as I remember having him with me.  This year is especially bittersweet, knowing that he celebrates his birthday now with his Daddy. 

Daniel always took Brandon's death harder than me.  Probably because he didn't get to know him.  Due to circumstances I won't go into here, Daniel and I were separated when Brandon was born, and Daniel only saw Brandon once - laying in state in his coffin.  It was always a very traumatic thing, and I believe it was instrumental into helping Dan overcome some of his own issues. 

Now they're together.  And I miss them both.  And I couldn't have posted here without acknowledging them - it would have not been honest. 

Today I used my pedometer for the first time, and logged in 6426 steps.  Frankly I'm surprised it's that high.  I was expecting to see something a lot closer to 2500.  I've still got to clock in a trip or two to the park in my intitial three day estimate.  And by Saturday I'm going to walk to the mall and prove once and for all how long it is LOL

Tomorrow is my day off and Steven and I are going to continue moving stuff to the new house.  I'll be sure to have photos tomorrow.

Exercise - stationary bike 30 mins

Mother Nature Doesn't Ebay

I got my pedometer in today.  That's the good news.  The bad news is I won't be making it to the park before Wednesday.  Our highs are in the 30s only.  Poor Winston's curly tail would freeze and fall right off.  It was the kind of cold today where any exposed skin will burn if the wind hits it. 

I realized today that I'm a carb-o-holic.  On the Richard Simmons foodmover he has food split up into groups: starches, fruits, protiens, fats, veggies, dairy and bonuses.  Without fail I blow through all my allotted starches by dinner, leaving the rest of the windows up.  So I can eat, but what do I want to eat?  You guessed it.

But I've decided it's a good thing to be using the Foodmover because it's teaching me balanced eating.  I've expressed my discontent regarding low carb diets before, but I truly believe that any eating style that requires you to severely cut out a food group that is actually one you NEED to have (carbs fuel your body and are an excellent source of fiber) isn't a healthy one to adopt.  To stay the course we need to retrain ourselves how we perceive food and how we choose what we put into our body.

Steven bought me another balance ball.  The first one bit the bullet, but thankfully it wasn't because of me.  :)  So I did Pilates tonight.  I was surprised how well I did after so many days of Pilates freedom.  I even managed to do *some* of the bridge. 

Now if you don't know what the bridge is, I'll explain it to you.  Akin to some sort of medievil torture device, this exercise requires you to lay flat on your back, your feet on the balance ball.  You then lift the lower half of your body off the floor "one vertabrae at a time", balancing your weight with your hamstrings, your feet braced on the ball.  I've yet to do this exercise to completion.  Tonight I did four out of ten reps, which is a lot more than the big whopping zero I was doing the first week. 

We're going to take these victories where we can find them.  :)

Exercise - 30 mins exercise bike, Pilates routine

My Lover, My Opposite

Today's shift wasn't as long as I thought it would be.  I got to ride my bike and come home about 7:00pm.  Steven calls and informs me one of his friends is here because he's helping us move.  There I was, sticky and sweaty, and I have to meet a new person.  Yay.  I expressed my discontent to Steven who calmly replies, "He doesn't care."  :- | 

*I* care.  Sheesh.  When you have as shaky a self esteem as I do, your first meeting with person (i.e. that first impression) is critical.  But I'm married to someone who walks through life, blissfully uncaring what anyone thinks of him.  He can say or do whatever he wants without fearing reprecussion.

Whereas I analyse every last word to make sure I don't step over the line.  I guess it's a good thing, I can help him polish his rough edges and he can make me a whole lot braver.  In truth I envy him his courage and his self esteem.  One day I hope to be there.

But there are times, like tonight, where we speak completely different languages.  Not that I'm complaining - I love my husband more than words can say.  And I know I'm no picnic either.  He gets triple bonus points for putting up with me.  He's a gamer, he can appreciate this LOL

So the friend is gone and I can come out from hiding.  Did I win this battle, or lose it?  I'm not certain.

Exercise - 30 mins stationary bike.

I'm Feeling MUCH Better Now

Steven ended up coming home early anyway so we did go for our walk.  We also knocked the shopping out of the way and got some boxes to pack.  The day ended much better than I had anticipated, even though the Cowboys are outta the playoffs.  Boooo.

I did make a really yummy wrap earlier, thought I'd share.  I bought some whole wheat tortillas, some light cream cheese, the garden vegetable variety.  I found some fat free peppered turkey that is absolutely wonderful.  Add all those to some lowfat sharp cheddar cheese, red onion and some avocado, and you have a party in your mouth.  Truly nummy.  I was able to have two and it was a truly rapturous event.

It's not about all the foods you have to deny yourself.  It's about making better food choices so that you can eat whatever you want, but in the right proportions.  When you look at food that way you won't be so tempted to "fall off the wagon". 

My ebay seller also emailed this morning to say he's shipped out my pedometer, which I'm really excited about.  I'm even more eager to get it and try it out with another trek to the mall.  Steven burst my balloon last night saying he didn't think walking to the mall was a mile or longer, in fact, he was clocking it in at maybe a half a mile.  So now it's like a vendetta to find out who's right.  It's probably one of the first times in history the battle of the sexes could be settled with a pedometer.  I'll let you all know how it goes ;)

Exercise: Walked one mile.

When a Control Freak Doesn't Have Control

If you read my husband's journal (and you should), you probably know they've cut his hours at work.  He works for a retail establishment, and they've taken his schedule down to like ten hours a week.  Only, he's working a lot more than ten hours because he's the one they turn to when other people call in sick, don't show up, want time off, etc.  Like Christmas Eve.  Like New Year's Eve.  And like today.  He only went in for a 12-5 shift and because three people called in, he's going to have to work till closing.  (he got home at 2am last night)

So no walk today.  No packing and moving some stuff today like I had planned.  I feel like my wheels are stuck in the mud.  We are financially strapped because of this move, not to mention he's a family man a lot older than some of the other people that work there.  And the 19 year old manager knows this.  He knows that Steven's back is against the wall and he can't really turn down hours.  So he gets the crummy shifts no one else wants (like Friday and Saturday night, or holidays), and yet they don't reward his loyalty with more scheduled hours.  No, they like holding him by the... throat.

We needed to go shopping.  We needed to get some boxes and start packing.  We needed to actually start clearing out some stuff we can move right away.  And instead, I get to sit here and fume because I can't get to it for another two days. (I work a mega shift tomorrow)  And I need to keep my exercise schedule regular, and I can't do that if he's working nights or called in unexpectantly.  I'm so frustrated I could scream.

{takes deep breath}  The good news is the house we're moving to is about 10 blocks from the park, so if he's at work I can always walk there and walk back.  Which will probably help me meet my Walk Off Weight plan challenges once I get the pedometer.  He's also got several applications out for another job that pays better and has more stable hours.  One of which is $9 an hour plus benefits.  Which would be way cool.  So send your positive vibes/prayers on that if you feel so inclined.

I've probably run out of run to complain more, which is a good thing.  I just needed to get it out before I did something stupid - like gorge myself.  Now if I can hold off taking a nap, I'll be just fine.

 

Be Prepared

Not too long I wrote an entry on that nasty four letter word "plan".  Plans can be quite scary as they teeter on the edge of realistic goal and pipe dream - but for the last two days I've made plans to eat well but still within my daily goals.  And you know what?  It's working.

Yesterday we had a mini party at our new house.  By mini party I mean it was just Steven, the boys and me.  We bought Little Caesars pizza and even a chocolate cake.  Normally these foods would send me into a dietary state of amnesia (meaning I conveniently forget I'm on a diet), but I made a plan to eat and followed it, allowing myself the "luxury" of eating out while still maintaining my program. 

Today I did the same thing.  I wasn't able to walk my mile at the park, so since my 13 year old and I were alone tonight while my 11 year old was camping at grandma's and my husband was at work, we walked over to the mall and ate at The Spaghetti Warehouse.  Again I researched what I would be able to eat and went into the restaurant with a plan.  And the walk?  It was probably between a mile to a mile and a half. 

I don't feel deprived at all.  I actually feel more in control than ever.  Instead of being all bummed out that I can't have what I want to eat, I find a way to eat what I want within the limits that I've set.  This isn't about deprivation - this is about choices.  I enjoyed a nice Chicken Parmesan dinner with spaghetti with tomato sauce, a salad no dressing, a bit of their bread with some of their butter (not a lot though) and water.  No dessert, no appetizer, no alcohol.  And it was totally cool.

Plus I had a pretty handsome date.  :-D

Exercise: 30 mins stationary bike, 1-1 1/2 mile walk.  (I've ordered a pedometer from Ebay, so when I get it I'll find out exactly how far it is between here and the mall)

Impatience Can Kill

I'm just about the most impatient person on the planet, especially when it comes to weight loss.  In my day I've done several programs to lose the weight, and the speedier results promised, the more I was liable to buy. 

In 2000 I began taking metabolism boosters.  Where I used to feel so huge and so lazy, I suddenly had energy.  I liked that feeling.  So I kept buying the pills, eventually going to the "mail order only" kind that had a higher dose and promised big results.  This was my exposure to Ephedra.  When that mail order came in, those pills were indeed stronger.  Strong enough to give me heart palpitations and shortness of breath, almost to where I blacked out once at the theater.

That was enough to scare me straight.  I sent back the mostly full bottle and got a refund, and I've never touched the stuff again.  Nor will I.  I know what kind of strain I'm putting my heart under, I refuse to add that and cause the whole thing to blow up. 

Now I read that Ephedra is due to be banned because of some deaths associated with its usage.  That's the good news.  Now today I read that there is a huge demand to buy Ephedra before it is banned.  That's the bad news.

People are so desperate to lose weight fast that they're willing to risk life itself.  Or your health even, remember the Fen-Phen?  Now we're learning that those popular low carb diets are even causing long term health effects.

I know how it feels to want to lose weight.  I've been there.  But please, try to do it the natural way - no harmful fad diets that promise quick weight loss.  If nothing else, keep this in mind.  Most people who go on fad diets gain the weight they lost back plus more, and more than once.  I heard recently that yo-yo dieting can significantly increase your chances of dying from a heart attack. 

So take your time, let your body adjust to the changes you're going to want to sustain your whole life, not just during the dieting phase. 

Exercise - stationary bike 30 mins, walked one mile

Weigh In - Me & My Foodmover

I dreaded my weigh in today mainly because for some reason it falls around the time I'm bloated like a balloon anyway.  Not to mention it comes after two days of no exercise.  I was scared.

Good news is I'm down to 314.5, which is 5.5 lbs for the month.  I'm at 53/47/54, so I've lost one inch this month.  This puts my totals to 16lbs and 3 inches lost in two months.  That's pretty exciting! :)  I'm right on average for losing 2lbs a week, which is the recommended amount for permanant weight loss. 

Above is yet another weapon from my weight loss arsenal.  That is the Foodmover by Richard Simmons.  You close down those food windows as you eat through the day, so that way you can eat the right proportions of the right foods per day according to your calorie needs.  Above is the 2000 calorie card, for people over 300lbs. 

I have to confess, I didn't want to do the Foodmover even though I'm a firm believer in how well it works, simply because I didn't want my food restricted after the South Beach Diet.  I didn't want to have to limit myself to two dairy servings or four fruit (sugar) servings.  Now I realize that I wasn't ever eating over that amount anyway, so there's nothing now to stop me for being a good little Foodmover Achiever. 

So that starts today. 

I will weigh in again on the 11th (because that's the anniversary of this journal) and on the 20th (when I take my next photos).  I should put the scale in my new house just so I don't have access to it LOL

Not a perfect day...

As you can see below today was VERY hectic as we got a lot of stuff going for both my sister and I to get into our new places.  No walk, no bike and no pilates (I was still without a ball) BUT I feel very proud of myself that I didn't overeat.  I wanted to, I was tired and my momentum has wained.  In fact I ate less than the current 2000 calorie requirement, and that including eating a "bad" sandwich at Burger King for lunch.

So I'm not going to beat myself up for not exercising.  I've been having problems all day with a pinched nerve in my wrist so I wasn't exactly compelled to push myself.  The main thing is I'm making life fit into this new schedule.  I'm sure with the houses we looked through today I must have walked a mile easy anyway.  No grass was growing under me today!

So I'm okay.  It's okay to do what you can, and forgive yourself for not being superwoman when life throws a few curve balls at you.  Tomorrow there are no concrete plans (except to sleep in).  Steven bought me a new pilates ball tonight, and weather permitting I'll get my walk in.  (Winston will never forgive us if we don't!)  At the very minimal, I will ride the bike.

So not a perfect day, but I can still appreciate my successes, and not indulging myself in pizza and keeping to my program is pretty darn successful to me.

Exercise: None

Dec. Calories Spent: 36,870 = projected weight loss 10.53lbs.  (Tomorrow tells the tale!)