Why I Started This Journey

Having been heavy all my life, I've started diets more times than I count.  Most of the time, the reasons have been superficial.  I wanted to lose weight to become attractive, to get a guy, to find love, to get a job, or just generally be happy.

And doing it to be happy is such a tricky prospect.  If you equate being thin with happiness, how do you survive the many months or maybe even years it takes to get to being thin?  It seems a lot easier to find that temporary happiness with food.

So I'm not going to lose weight to be happy.  I'm going to be happy anyway.  I'm going to be happy because I've been blessed with a good life.  I have a husband that loves me as is, and supports me.  I have children who think I'm pretty awesome, no changes needed.  I have a boss who thinks I rock on the job (and I do), and I have a big family that loves me unconditionally. 

I'm not going to lose weight to be attractive.  To borrow a phrase from Christina Aguilera, I'm beautiful no matter what they say.  I'm a good person.  Generous, loving, devoted, smart, funny, talented and all the things that really add up to being beautiful.

I'm not going to lose weight to begin my career as a I writer.  I'm going to write anyway.  My mind is my tool and that's what will get me sold, not just how I look at a pitch meeting.

I'm losing the weight because I need to start caring for me the same way I care for those I love.  I need to put a value on my health and my life and stop slowly killing myself.  I need to love my kids enough to make sure they have a mother around till her old age.  I need to love my husband enough to make sure he has a life partner who will be healthy with him until we're sitting out in dual rockers on the front porch.  I need to realize what is really important in life isn't whether or not I get to eat a piece of pie, but that I can hold my head up high where ever I plan to go.

I need to believe in my strengths: my intelligence, my determination and the size of my heart.  I am a survivor.  I'm strong enough to go the long haul.  I don't care how long it takes.  I don't care how many times I get knocked down.  It's time to stop dreaming of what I can do IF.  I'm going to turn the IF into WHEN.

It's time to live a life of integrity, with a legacy I can be proud of when my days end.