Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

It's a bad day.  They've all been bad lately but today the shock of the trauma has worn off and the pain begins to set in.  Again I wrote about it on my site:

http://geocities.com/duckebride/021904.html

But it's a depressing read.  I don't blame you if you don't read it.  Suffice it to say I'm going through a self pity phase.  All the things I always believed about myself have been on hold because at least I was loved by someone who didn't need me to change. 

And yet I wonder what I could have done to change.  And of course being overweight all my life the first thing I think about is did this happen because I'm fat?  Am I not pretty enough?  Am I always going to play second fiddle to another woman just because she can fit into a size 6 and I can't?  (not saying that's what that other chick's size is, I don't know - but you can bet that is what I'm thinking) 

The good news is I can't eat through all of this.  The bad news is I feel depressed and lethargic so I don't want to exercise either.  It all seems so useless now... because none of the plans I made seem to matter anymore.  My future is really uncertain.

So there you have it.  The good news is Steven did make an appointment with a therapist for next week.  I suppose that's progress, providing we haven't backslid to oblivion by now. 

When I started this journal I knew I was going to tackle some very sensitive subjects that were going to leave me vulnerable and exposed to the world.  Little did I know this would be involved.  Hopefully some good can come out of all of this.  The one thing I can tell you about my weight loss journey is that I'm still on it today.  And that's how I am determined to take every day from here on out.