Wednesday, February 18, 2004

What's Underneath

This journey has been very insightful.  The more I dig down to deal with issues, the more I uncover.  I never realized how much was buried under all this weight.  But I guess it'd have to be a lot considering I it took over two hundred pounds to hide it all.

This time it had to do with the episode with Steven.  I did an entry on my website

http://geocities.com/duckebride/021804.html

and found out something that had never ever occured to me.  What I have always expected Steven to do is what I already did in my last relationship.  I'm scared spitless of Karma. 

It's just really interesting.  You start writing and pretty soon you're digging things out of places you'd forgotten you put them.  And then once it's out there, you understand it with complete clarity.  Who knew?  The cool byproduct is that I get so many emails from others who read what I go through and they can relate.  I really thought my post about Steven was ultimately inappropriate, and that I would isolate the people who come here.  No one wants to follow the adventures of a clueless loser, which is what I felt like after dawn broke and I realized what I had written.

But instead I get unlimited support and a wealth of understanding - but most important, I get acceptance for who I am, no matter how imperfect I am.  It really blows my mind. So thank you again. 

Bachelorette Wednesday - I'm so in it for Matt now.  If she was looking for love, it's right with our Texas boy. 

Oh, and I didn't do any exercises yet today.  I blew off the walk, and I need to get my butt on that bike.  I'm down but not out.

3 comments:

sonensmilinmon said...

It's gotta be Matthew ~ no doubts!

Other stuff ... We are here for you ... Size doesn't limit you from love and care of friends and family! You are just as worthy now. Take care of yourself.

Smilin Mon

hapy203 said...

I read the entry on your website, and I think its great that you can write about all those things that have happened to you, it is a big step in the healing process. I can relate to alot of what you went through, unfortunatly, I can not yet write about them. You and your family are in my thoughts, and prayers. (((GIN))) Karie*

grettysk said...

Ginger...Just to let you know, you have yet, another friend who is thinking of you, praying for you, and pulling for you in whatever you do (or don't do) in your life. Don't give up...not on YOU and your goals...and not on your marriage. I was so angry with your husband. (read replies to his journal) But now is the time to heal and PRAY and never lose HOPE. With love, gretchen