A New Morning...Pt 2

So we're going to take the time to work this out, to salvage this relationship we have been building these last five years.  I still don't know if this is the right choice, it's really going to be a rocky road.  But the one thing I've always cherished in my relationship with Steven is the fact I did indeed marry my best friend.  I don't want to throw it away if we can manage to put the pieces back together again.  Steven is fully cognizant that it will take a very long time to rebuild the trust, but seems prepared to put himself through the wringer to do it (see his journal entries). 

And maybe I can make the changes necessary to make myself more open and honest to him, more available to him even though I'm slowly tearing down my own walls with the weight.  It's always been my shield and now I'm more vulnerable than ever.  Ironically enough when I was considering our relationship over yesterday, I felt almost relieved.  Again the worst had happened, so I was no longer in danger of being hurt.  Maybe that's why I subconsciously keep people at arm's length.  I could never ever share with my family what I share with you all here.  Ironic, isn't it?

So if you're so inclined, please continue to pray for my family and my marriage.  As for the weight loss, I didn't overeat (I couldn't, the thought of food made me want to hurl), I *DID* overdrink and at one point was curled up by the toilet praying to God I wouldn't die.  I did get a walk in but was so upset I left my pedometer at home, but I'm sure I got my 10,000 in, even if I didn't do the bike or Pilates.

But today is a new day for all of that.  And I just have to make it through today.

Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive and so sweet.  Big hugs to you all.  I will answer my emails and comments in the next few days as time allows.

My love to all.