I used angry as my mood because there's no betrayed, bitter, brokenhearted loser option.
It's too much to get into here, but I did an entry about it on my website:
http://geocities.com/duckebride/021704.html
but basically that lovey dovey Valentines entry I wrote a few days ago was some of the best fiction I've ever written. Turns out that Steven isn't at all who I thought he was. He's searching for playmates online, and has been sending erotic letters to one of his former coworkers.
The good news is I'm too broken hearted to eat, but I'm seriously eyeballing the liquor in my fridge. The last thing I want now is to pull myself up and keep going. What's the point? At least fat nobody wants to get close to me - how safe would I be?
If it weren't for my kids, I'd probably just check out completely. The pain is so bad you just cannot believe it.
But it's for my kids that I continue on. It's for myself that I just don't let this stop me. I'm gonna make it, on my own, since there is no one strong enough to fight the battle with me.
I appreciate all the supportive comments and emails I've been getting, you guys are so great. There are no words to tell you how very much it means to me especially now. That you want to walk this journey with me, and find me worthy of your acceptance, it is keeping me afloat when I really just want to sink and drown.
I'm hanging on now to all of you. God bless.
17 comments:
hang in there pricks like that don't deserve happiness and love, but remember you do. the best thing would be to get rid of him so you can focus on yourself and you kids. then maybe you can be sucessful in your goals. i hope the best for you.
vpaigemarie
I am a single mother of a 2 year old and though it is hard, I would never want anything to have gone differently. Do what your heart tells you to. You deserve so much better. People like that have no regard for other people's feelings. You will survive and be happy without him. I wish you the best of luck.
God bless you, and the kids, and Steven. It's all too sad. Just remember there are people out here who are pulling for you, and remember that ultimately, yes, you will be losing that weight for no one else except yourself. Please find some comfort in that you are still "Mom." There is a lot of love attached to that venerable title.
Hans
(((((((Ginger))))))) Of course you have friends here who want the best for you, no doubts but, you have to hang on for YOURSELF not for all of us. We will be here cheering you on and standing beside you. Anytime you need a shoulder feel free to talk to me.
Hugs,
Monica
I'm rooting for you. Belive it that people care about you and your well being. Your husband doesn't deserve your tears. He's worse than pond scum. Just think that your are making yourself more healthy to spend more glorious time with your kids, not to mention that you feel much better about yourself. Look at how much you have accomplished at such a short period of time. You are so strong to not just lay down and take the crap. Not many women can do that and then end up being so unhappy.
How is it that men, simple damned things that they are, can make us feel like our hearts are breaking, pouring everything out in a million different directions with nothing to bounce us back at ourselves? But you're strong. And everyone needs to lean once in a while- that's why there are so many of us crouded onto this tiny little rock, so that even when we feel like we'll fall, there's always someone close enough to nudge us to our feet again. Hang in there.
Gin...I've been there! I could tell u some stories! I CAN say I know exactly how you feel.
Don't let what he has done to you stop your success. That means...the overeating I would have done yesterday after finding this out, was a bump. Nothing more. You are so deserving of happiness.
I don't know who said it but it's been my mantra many a time..."Whatever doesn't kill me, only serves to make me STRONGER."
Please email me anytime! I'm here for you.
Julie
{{{{{Gin}}}}}}
I made my comments to your "old" email name. I am praying for you and for Steven. I am not without guilt, so I will cast no stones at Steven. You are my first concern and I pray for your comfort at this time.
Love,
Jeannie
Hang in there and it will get better,I promise. I know, I've been there too.
Whatever you do dont let it deter you from your journey or your dreams.
YOU DESERVE THE BEST
Oh, Gin, I am so sorry. Please hang in there, I've been through this (past relationship) and I know how horrible this can be. Try to be strong, let me know if I can be of any help to you.
oh duckebride, i'm so sorry to read your latest entry. as a woman who has been seriously overweight and alone her entire life, reading about your life with your loving and supportive husband has been an uplifting experience for me. i too, feel devastated by his actions. please hang in there; it sounds trite, but tomorrow really is a new day...and anything can happen...perhaps something wonderful! don't give up.
you hang in there and you will make it. it is wonderful that you are getting there, just give it time, and don't get in a hurry, there is millions of people that is with you praying for you and wishing you good luck. we love you keep up the good work you are a wonderful person and one of gods children
I believe that you can do it. Don't forget about all those people who have teased you about your weight. When ever you reach your goal, remember back and say I made it. The feeling will be universal and will make the struggle worth while.
just stop eating bc u are taking up too much space!!
Dont give up. Stay strong! You can do it!
Just hang in there. and your right you don't need this man to be your back bone ,
keep your chin up think positive.....we are very strong will people.
We are woman we are strong we are our childrens back bone,
you will I promise come out stronger then ever,,,, keep up the good work
Bless you and yours
Angela
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1-800-ASK-KEEN
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I can see clearly through a person's heart and will guide you through troubling times expecially in relationships. I will make you feel like I have known you for a very long time. I will simply be a good friend giving wonderful advice, and I can do all this after just a couple minutes on the phone.
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