I'd Like to Thank the Academy....

Or at least AOL Takes it Off, anyway.  Today was my last day wearing the crown of the AOL Takes it Off featured journal, and I get to pass it on to another weight loss buddy of mine, Kim, author of Kim's Weight Loss Journey.  She's finding her success through Weight Watchers, so if you haven't checked her out yet you should.  Give her an encouraging word.

What I have enjoyed in the last 29 days has included numerous emails of encouragement, advice and support.  I've been humbled by the stories people have shared with me, always punctuating their heartfelt letters with admiration for me - when it really should have been the other way around.

For someone who has hoped to touch the world in a major way with her words, this month has been in a lot of ways, my dream come true.  I hope it's just the beginning of what I can accomplish, and that one day you'll see me up on that stage for having written something important and life changing.

Thanks to everyone who has written to me, or responded to my journal - (and I'm sorry I couldn't keep up with you all) - for letting me know you think that I've already accomplished that here.

The journey continues even though the limelight has faded.  Here's to everyone who will continue to walk with me.  I really couldn't do this without you all.

Calories: 1417/fat 25%

Sodium - 2951

Water - 75oz 

 

Saturday Weigh In

I'm psyched.  I weighed in today at 298lbs and 4oz, down from 300lbs and 6oz a week ago.   I'm certain that the high sodium/low water intake was my culprit.

I lost no inches, here is where I pay the price for my Pilates Procrastination.  So this week without fail I will get back on my Balance Ball and get toning. 

I am going to up my caloric intake to 2500 and I'm going to balance out my exercise.  If I bike I won't walk, if I walk I won't bike.  I was working so hard that I burned out, and it turned out the exercise wasn't my problem after all.  So I'll spend a week doing that PLUS keeping an eye on the sodium and making sure I drink all my water, and we'll see how much that helps.  It will be an interesting experiment.

Tonight was my mother's birthday so I took her to a local Mexican restaurant.  I was good, instead of getting anything with tortillas I opted for the grilled shrimp & veggies.  It came with a side of rice and a salad.  I split a sundae with my son.  It's going to be interesting trying to figure out my nutrients for the day - but I'll see what I can do.

Fitday.com is the main reason I don't want to eat out.  I want to follow my labels to the letter.  (I'm a purist that way)  Fast food is one of the few places I can get this information, and it's generally a no no because of the high sodium content.  But even though I could have chalked this up to a free day, I was good anyway. 

And you know what?  I like living life that way.  I like eating something I can enjoy without all the guilt.  Did I want the chicken enchiladas smothered in a sour cream sauce?  Yes.  Can I live without it?  Most definitely.  I especially like being able to leave food on the plate and walk away from the table without feeling stuffed to the gills. 

You really can have it all!  :)

Exercise - none

Calories/Fat/Sodium - 2495 calories/35% Fat (oopsie), Sodium 3526 (double oops)

Water: 50oz.

I Can

When you have a lot of weight to lose, sometimes you can get too caught up in the now.  When weight loss stagnates, or you still don't fit into the size you want to, you can get really frustrated and lose sight of how far you've already come.  Sometimes you just can't see the forest for the trees. 

I thought about this today as I was going over achievements vs. disappointments and this old song came to mind:

You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

And so I'd like to accentuate the positive a little here, but finding some things I can do now I couldn't do just a few months ago - as a celebration of being on the road to success.  

I Can:  Fit into clothes that were tight a few months ago, to the point of it being loose and comfortable.

I Can:  Go into any restaurant I want and order smart, eat healthy and feel good about my choices.

I Can:  Look in the mirror and see a winner, who learns more as each day passes no one can take away any of the good things I give myself.  Not with their words or their actions.

I Can:  Fit into booths in restaurants that I used to avoid.

I Can:  Meet my daily goals even if I cheat and had a sundae at Dairy Queen.

Calories - 1667

Sodium - 1668

Water - 50oz 

Pugs, Pedometers, Pilates & Prunes

This is Winston Q. Pooter, my fitness coach.  Oh sure,  he doesn't look like much of a motivator here, but when this boy realized that we had a nice day today, he would not be detered from his walking ritual.  He was very insistant that we make the most of the first pretty day we've had all week.

And I wanted nothing to do with it.  I was perfectly content to stay indoors and put off my walk until tomorrow.  But not Winston.  He channeled Richard Simmons and Pugged me right out the door.  (pug-verb, to annoy incessantly until your will is accomplished) 

So we went.  My pedometer was as lazy as I wanted to be and only recorded 5000 of the 10,000 I normally walk.  To which I reply with a resounding raspberry.  I am not going to be cheated out of those steps... it was hard enough to get out there and do them.  I'm getting credit whether the pedometer agrees or not.  So there.

I really, really need to do the Pilates.  I don't know why I haven't bothered, but I have absolutely zero enthusiasm to do it.   It really doesn't make sense, it only takes a few minutes out of the day and I feel better.  It's part of the abdominal work I've been gearing myself up for.  But for some reason I just can't face it.  I don't even want to put in here a promise to do it because that's how little I want to. 

Good news is, I did great on my sodium today.  It's supposed to be under 2400 and mine was 2423.  So yaaaaay me.  And I  just guzzled down my second bottle of water today.  I'm really curious how all this will affect Saturday's weigh in.  I'll let you know.  One thing is certain, I feel lighter.  No fat days for me.  Everything is running smooooooooooth.  That's where, um... the prunes come in.

And that's just one of those victories all on its own, ya know?

Calories - 1897, 21% from fat

Sodium intake - 2423

Water - 66oz

A Full Time Job

This weight loss business... it's a full time job.  The more I learn that I have to look out for, the more effort it takes.  It makes me feel so self centered lately because I spend *so* much time thinking about myself.

So I'm watching my sodium intake and yesterday came in only 300mg over the allotted amount.  Much better than the 1000 I had yesterday or the (eek) 2500 I had the day before that.  I'm also concentrating on the water.  I drank two full bottles. 

The more I learn the more I have to adjust, it's crazy.    It's a process of adapting and just rolling with the punches.  Like the sodium thing.   I was shocked to learn that fast food is LOADED with it.  I was going to have Steven stop at the local Taco Bell on the way home.  The calories were fine, the fat content was fine (thanks to their fresco menu) but the sodium came to nearly 2000mg.  Yikes!  So I opted instead for yogurt and granola.  At 190mg it was a much safer bet, especially since my "day" started just an hour or so ago.

A poster suggested that I wasn't getting enough calories, which may in fact be true.  I know from my research it's advised not to go under 1000 calories of what your body needs to survive, and for me that is about 3500.  So I'm thinking of riding out the rest of this week and then trying to eat more.  I don't want to have my metabolism shut down because it's not getting properly fed.  Fit Day said I should be eating 2200, and the foodmover should technically be at 2000, but I went ahead and kept eating as though I were under 300lbs.  I'll just see how the changes to the sodium and water work first, then I'll adapt as needed.

Like I said, full time job.

Today's work out song - Don't Leave Me This Way by Thelma Houston.  A true disco anthem that you cannot help but move to. 

Exercise - 30 mins on the bike. 

Calories - 1890

Sodium - 2704

Water - 66oz

Cool Tools

Someone recently mentioned to me to give One a Day Weight Smart vitamins a try, and I realized that I hadn't let you all know that's one of my new diet tools.  It has green tea extract to help aid fat burning, and I really do feel better now that I take them.  And I don't think it's mainly the metabolism booster, but that my body is finally meeting it's daily requirement of nutrients.  Thanks again to FitDay - Your online nutrition, weight loss, diet & fitness manager! for helping me see not only how many calories I'm eating but how it all breaks down.  I can tell how many calories I'm burning vs. how many I'm eating, if I'm meeting my daily nutrient requirements (which I wouldn't be if I weren't taking the vitamin), even how much of what I'm putting into my body every day.  For instance I can tell by percentages what my carb intake is compared to my protein and fat intake.  The Zone diet works on this principle, that you should have a 40/30/30 breakdown.  Mine is carb heavy, meaning over half of my calories come from carbs.  I'm such an addict.

I've also noticed that my sodium is outrageously high.  I just checked the Food Pyramid to see what my requirement is, and I'm taking in twice that much.  EEK!  And this is all hidden stuff, because I do not add salt to anything I eat except maybe popcorn - which I eat maybe once every six months.  So all this extra sodium could very well be where all my water retention comes from.

And speaking of water, I'm having THE hardest time meeting my water requirement.  All of this contributes to the water retention.  I should be drinking 60+oz and I'm lucky to get 30oz.

So my goals now are to step up the water and cut down on the sodium.  We'll see if that helps at all.  Again if you haven't check out fitday.com, please do.  It's very informative.  My only beef was that since I'm a day sleeper it divides my days up from midnight to midnight rather than when I wake up to when I go to sleep.  So that's been an interesting shift.  I think it'll be okay if I can maintain my 1800 calories each day.  It's going to be an interesting study, I'll keep you posted.

Exercise - Gonna ride the bike and maybe one day get around to the Pilates.

Calories - 1821

Maintain vs. Starting Over

I don't like exercise.  Nope.  Not one little bit. 

It doesn't seem fair that what didn't take hardly any effort at all to do will take a lot of effort to undo.  I say this after my 30 minute stint on my stationary bike, sweaty, hot and exhausted.  Granted the benefit of exercise is that you will feel tons better after it's over, but doing it is a total drag.

And the more overweight you are the worse it is.  My knees creak and moan each time I get on that bike, which gives me even MORE incentive to avoid it.  I don't like pain and I steer clear of activities that risk it. 

But even though I'm not at a place yet I can enjoy the exercise, I can enjoy the benefits.  I do see a difference in the photos, and I know that it was doing what I'm doing now that created those changes.  If I just keep going I'll see twice as much difference in another couple of months.  I just can't give up.

Giving up means starting over, which means working twice as hard to get back to where I am now.  Renee Zellweger was on Inside the Actor's Studio not too long ago saying that Vincent D'onofrio told her it's much easier to maintain where you are than to start over and try to get there again.  Even though he was talking about getting into character, it applies toward a lot of things in life.  And weight management is one of those things.

It's going to be easier for me to get on that bike today than it will be to lose the weight I'll gain if I slack off.  And I say that from experience.  In October of 2002 I got down to about 290 and over the course of the year I ended up going back up to beyond what I started at.  So here I am, over a year later, and even worse than what I was.

So I may not like exercise, but I hate starting over even more.  So I'll maintain - at least for today.  And today is all I can control.

Exercise - 30 mins stationary bike, 6919 steps, Pilates later -

Calories - 1891

Another Sunday

Another end to another Sunday work marathon.  Since I work from home I was able to put off stuff during the week, but it all came to roost tonight.  I've been sitting in this chair since about 4pm this afternoon (it's nearly 2am now), barely taking a break to eat.  Why do I do this to myself??  Oh well.  The good news is our sales were through the roof this week which means BONUS.  So yay.  We're contemplating a trip to San Antonio in early March, this would help.

I found a great new tool for weight management that you all can check into.  One of my readers here has an awesome website : : The Art of Balance : :   |   DivaFlava.com and she turned me on to FitDay - Your online nutrition, weight loss, diet & fitness manager! which tracks your calories, your activities and a bunch of other neat stuff I have yet to explore fully.  Best of all, it's free.  And we like free.  If y'all ever want to check up on what I'm eating, here's the link: http://fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=geevie

Right now I think I'm going to move around a bit, as I've lost all feeling in my behind.  No exercise tonight, as Sunday is my "free" day. 

But hopefully I can walk tomorrow (it's supposed to rain but you never know with our weather), and back on the bike I go.  And I'm armed with prunes.  I'm going to see that scale go down.

On a personal note, Steven surprised me with a card and a rose tonight.  It's nice to be remembered and appreciated and I hope I let him know what those gestures mean to me.  They don't erase the past, but they help start things over again.  It's my deepest hope that we can do the hard work toward our relationship we've done in the last few days as a preventative measure in the future, rather than just patchwork only after things have gone wrong.  We have something special, and I don't want either of us to forget it again.   

The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

Today's weigh in was no change from the last one, except for a few more ounces.  I'm currently at 300lbs and 6oz.  But I'm not all that concerned about it, I know it had little to do with how hard I worked this week or what I ate.  Aside from one day off program due to some drinking, I maintained the same level of exercise and I ate fully within my calorie requirements each day.  No, the reason I didn't see the progress is because I was having a "fat day".  Most women know what that is, that's the feeling that you're bloated or "heavier" than normal - and it just so happens the pipes aren't running as ... clear as they normally do.  I chalk it up to the stress of the week. 

Either way it's off to Walmart for some prunes.

Steven and I went out on a "date" tonight, going over to Abuelos.  You know me and Mexican food.  Anyway, I did okay.  I probably went over due to the sauces and cheese, but I didn't overeat, even though the food was in front of me.  And again with desert I had about half and left the rest. 

I didn't have the fierce self doubt I had earlier in the week either.  I dressed nice, fixed my hair, wore makeup and basically held my head high today despite everything.  The trauma of the week, not meeting my weigh in goal, etc, notwithstanding, I feel pretty good today.  Those are no different than the other choices in my life - to eat better and to exercise.  I can choose how I see myself, and I don't have to hate myself just because I don't look "perfect".  Who knows if I ever will? 

The only thing I can be is me, and today that's good enough.  In fact, I'd say it's pretty great.

February Photos

Above are the new photos.  It's funny, I still don't see that big of a difference even though I'm confident that I've lost a signficant amount of weight.  I believe I'm averaging about ten pounds a month, so that means the December photos should be twenty pounds heavier than the February ones, even though my demonic bathroom scale probably didn't acknowlege it.  I should have been going to GNC from the beginning.  Live and learn.   

I think I'm going to start focusing on my stomach.  I bought a new shirt at Penneys the other day and it fit great, except for around the middle.  I have been measuring this "girth" (i.e. the part under my waist and above my hips) as a part of tracking my inches lost, and I'm nearly able to meet the two ends of the tape together (which is about 60 inches).  God, I'm five feet around.  I just realized that.  That bites. 

Well that does it.  I'm going to look for some tummy targeting workouts.  This is ridiculous. 

The good news, my walk has me at over 11,000 steps today.  My goal is to walk 10,000 steps for six days this coming week, come hell or high water - or even the rain they're predicting.  I haven't done Pilates this week at all, yesterday it was because of my ankle, and Monday it was because of a pain in my side.  The middle of the week we won't go into.  So I really need to get back to that toning.  I'm going to get back on track after Saturday's weigh in.

Which is tomorrow.  I'm aiming for 298.  Keep your fingers crossed.  :) 

 

I'm Depressing Myself SOOOOO...

It's time to shift the focus back to the Journey at hand.  Like Dr. Phil said I gained it alone, I'll lose it alone.  Yes all that other crap affects the Journey but inevitably it won't derail it as long as I stay focused.

And I do feel a certain responsibility since this journal is currently being featured on AOL Takes it Off, people are going to come here to find out about what I'm doing to change for the better, not wallow in my own self pity. 

SO.  Today's workout song, "Don't Fight It" by Kenny Loggins and Steve Perry.  A great song to sing to yourself as you force yourself to work out. 

My body is seriously revolting against the war I'm waging on the weight.  I used this term because of my pal Dave Clary.  He's a fellow screenwriter who has started on his own journey to lose 100lbs, and now he's decided this time it's war.  I got a kick out of his entry in The Big Fat Loser's Diet where he says "Today I know my enemy.  And his name is Krispy." 

Anyway, my knees and now my ankle have both gone AWOL on me.  But my counter attack for the knees is I'm taking the bike back down to level one, but I'm riding the hell out of it.  I went from 30-33 mph to 33-35 mph. 

I didn't walk today because it was nice and warm but the wind was blowing dust.  Our sky was literally brown.  We did go to the mall though.  I weighed in and I'm at 300lbs and 1oz.  So it's good to know skirmish with the alcohol the other night did not shake me off course. 

My goal is to be 298 by Saturday.  I'm going to ride tonight and tomorrow, along with a walk to the park and back and pilates and no more alcohol or bad stuff from now till weigh in.

In the words of Chumbawumba, I get knocked down, but I get up again.  You're never gonna keep me down.  This is war, and I'm taking no prisoners.  Screw those mannequins at the mall.  I'll be there come hell or high water.  Just wait and see.

 

Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

It's a bad day.  They've all been bad lately but today the shock of the trauma has worn off and the pain begins to set in.  Again I wrote about it on my site:

http://geocities.com/duckebride/021904.html

But it's a depressing read.  I don't blame you if you don't read it.  Suffice it to say I'm going through a self pity phase.  All the things I always believed about myself have been on hold because at least I was loved by someone who didn't need me to change. 

And yet I wonder what I could have done to change.  And of course being overweight all my life the first thing I think about is did this happen because I'm fat?  Am I not pretty enough?  Am I always going to play second fiddle to another woman just because she can fit into a size 6 and I can't?  (not saying that's what that other chick's size is, I don't know - but you can bet that is what I'm thinking) 

The good news is I can't eat through all of this.  The bad news is I feel depressed and lethargic so I don't want to exercise either.  It all seems so useless now... because none of the plans I made seem to matter anymore.  My future is really uncertain.

So there you have it.  The good news is Steven did make an appointment with a therapist for next week.  I suppose that's progress, providing we haven't backslid to oblivion by now. 

When I started this journal I knew I was going to tackle some very sensitive subjects that were going to leave me vulnerable and exposed to the world.  Little did I know this would be involved.  Hopefully some good can come out of all of this.  The one thing I can tell you about my weight loss journey is that I'm still on it today.  And that's how I am determined to take every day from here on out.

What's Underneath

This journey has been very insightful.  The more I dig down to deal with issues, the more I uncover.  I never realized how much was buried under all this weight.  But I guess it'd have to be a lot considering I it took over two hundred pounds to hide it all.

This time it had to do with the episode with Steven.  I did an entry on my website

http://geocities.com/duckebride/021804.html

and found out something that had never ever occured to me.  What I have always expected Steven to do is what I already did in my last relationship.  I'm scared spitless of Karma. 

It's just really interesting.  You start writing and pretty soon you're digging things out of places you'd forgotten you put them.  And then once it's out there, you understand it with complete clarity.  Who knew?  The cool byproduct is that I get so many emails from others who read what I go through and they can relate.  I really thought my post about Steven was ultimately inappropriate, and that I would isolate the people who come here.  No one wants to follow the adventures of a clueless loser, which is what I felt like after dawn broke and I realized what I had written.

But instead I get unlimited support and a wealth of understanding - but most important, I get acceptance for who I am, no matter how imperfect I am.  It really blows my mind. So thank you again. 

Bachelorette Wednesday - I'm so in it for Matt now.  If she was looking for love, it's right with our Texas boy. 

Oh, and I didn't do any exercises yet today.  I blew off the walk, and I need to get my butt on that bike.  I'm down but not out.

A New Morning...Pt 2

So we're going to take the time to work this out, to salvage this relationship we have been building these last five years.  I still don't know if this is the right choice, it's really going to be a rocky road.  But the one thing I've always cherished in my relationship with Steven is the fact I did indeed marry my best friend.  I don't want to throw it away if we can manage to put the pieces back together again.  Steven is fully cognizant that it will take a very long time to rebuild the trust, but seems prepared to put himself through the wringer to do it (see his journal entries). 

And maybe I can make the changes necessary to make myself more open and honest to him, more available to him even though I'm slowly tearing down my own walls with the weight.  It's always been my shield and now I'm more vulnerable than ever.  Ironically enough when I was considering our relationship over yesterday, I felt almost relieved.  Again the worst had happened, so I was no longer in danger of being hurt.  Maybe that's why I subconsciously keep people at arm's length.  I could never ever share with my family what I share with you all here.  Ironic, isn't it?

So if you're so inclined, please continue to pray for my family and my marriage.  As for the weight loss, I didn't overeat (I couldn't, the thought of food made me want to hurl), I *DID* overdrink and at one point was curled up by the toilet praying to God I wouldn't die.  I did get a walk in but was so upset I left my pedometer at home, but I'm sure I got my 10,000 in, even if I didn't do the bike or Pilates.

But today is a new day for all of that.  And I just have to make it through today.

Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive and so sweet.  Big hugs to you all.  I will answer my emails and comments in the next few days as time allows.

My love to all.

A New Morning...Pt 1

My night was spent trying to work out the revelations of yesterday.  There were tears, there was a lot of yelling, there were threats, (no physical violence though, Steven's just lucky they don't sell twig trimmers within walking distance) - a lot of drinking (too much drinking) and hopefully, a resolution.

What I demanded of Steven was complete honesty.  The journal entries he did were all on his own.  I didn't ask him to confess all those things, that was something he willingly did.  Hopefully it's indicative of the changes he's willing to consider - such as therapy for his sexual addictions.

When I wrote my Valentine's Day entry I did bring up how much I've taken him for granted, and that's especially true since Dan died.  When Dan died, the worst had already happened, so I was able to love him more fully than I was able to love Steven - just because Steven could still leave and take my heart with him.  This stems from my severe abandonment issues.  This is no way, shape or form excuses what Steven did.  He could have been more honest and forthcoming with me and didn't have to resort to what may have constituted nothing more than harmless flirting.

However, I know how these things go.  Adultry begins with a thought.  Once you open yourself up to the thought of it, the rest is a whole lot easier to rationalize. 

I guess what hurts the most is the feeling that I will never be enough for anyone.  Even with Dan there were indiscretions (on both of our parts to be honest), and other men before that.  This has been a pattern all my life, and the only common denominator is me.  So when things like this happen, it is a direct hit to my already faltering self esteem.  What's wrong with me?  Why am I not enough? 

But these are things I need to work out too.  Just like my issues about God and religion that have kept me from darkening church doors lately.  Steven was a brand new baby Christian and I've basically led all my family from the pack even when my kids ask me when we're going to go back to church.  Sadly, we live almost directly across the street from one.  This is the extent of my phobia.  But that's an entry for the website - it's much to complicated to work out with a 2500 character limit.

Hello Chaos, My Old Friend

I used angry as my mood because there's no betrayed, bitter, brokenhearted loser option.

It's too much to get into here, but I did an entry about it on my website:

http://geocities.com/duckebride/021704.html

but basically that lovey dovey Valentines entry I wrote a few days ago was some of the best fiction I've ever written.  Turns out that Steven isn't at all who I thought he was.  He's searching for playmates online, and has been sending erotic letters to one of his former coworkers. 

The good news is I'm too broken hearted to eat, but I'm seriously eyeballing the liquor in my fridge.  The last thing I want now is to pull myself up and keep going.  What's the point?  At least fat nobody wants to get close to me - how safe would I be?

If it weren't for my kids, I'd probably just check out completely.  The pain is so bad you just cannot believe it. 

But it's for my kids that I continue on.  It's for myself that I just don't let this stop me.  I'm gonna make it, on my own, since there is no one strong enough to fight the battle with me.

I appreciate all the supportive comments and emails I've been getting, you guys are so great.  There are no words to tell you how very much it means to me especially now.  That you want to walk this journey with me, and find me worthy of your acceptance, it is keeping me afloat when I really just want to sink and drown.

I'm hanging on now to all of you.  God bless.

Two Questions

I read an article online that said there are two questions you need to know the answer to in order for lifelong weight loss.  Those are, "Why do you want to lose weight?" and "Why is now the time?" 

I want to lose weight because I want to live a long healthy life.  When my ex died, I was hit with a very strong paranoia about dying.  It would send me into literal panic attacks - which quicken your pulse, make you breathless and pretty much make you think you're going to die.  You can see what a brutal circle I was in.

The time is now because there is no better time.  No one is promised a tomorrow, and there's never going to be a better time to lose weight.  I've been putting off dieting nearly all my life - even back when I was only 220 lbs and didn't have as much to lose.  Imagine my chargrin when I look back on those photos and think how thin I was.  I was overweight, but I wasn't obese... and I certainly wasn't morbidly obese. 

I also remember thinking back then if I ever hit 300 I'd probably kill myself.  But it sneaks up on you.  Curiously, it sneaks up on you when you're losing weight as well.  Before you know it you've lost ten, twenty or fifty pounds.  So I think I'd much rather be making the lifestyle changes that move me in the right direction, than wake up and find myself not only back to where I was, but even higher.  I can hit 400 as easily as I hit 350. 

I went to the mall today so the family could blow their household chore money.  I weighed myself and I was 301 lbs and 8 ozs.  Steven was more bummed about it than I was, I knew going from Blast Off Week to the 1800 calorie card could cause a jump in weight.  Most of what I lost last week was water. 

And I'm not giving up.  My goal for the week is 297.  The weather is going to be nice all week so that means I should be hitting 10,000 steps every day.  I'm already at 10,578 for today.  When I'm done with this entry I'm going to ride my bike and I've got Pilates on tap for today.  

Steven said that this weigh in "didn't count", but I figure it did - and part of my ongoing commitment to honesty with this project was to come here and post it.  I'm confident by Saturday I'll have lost it again.

So if you ask me what my motivation is this week - there you have it.

Motivation

Another question I get a lot is how do I get motivated?  A lot of people are stuck knowing they need to do something to lose weight but are at a loss how to get the engine out of park.  Even my sister will say she knows she has to get serious about her weight eventually, but she just cannot seem to find the motivation to actually do it.

To be honest with you, I still go through this myself.  Ever since I broke the 50 lb barrier I've fought the desire to relax or take a breather.  I still have to press on, to do whatever I need to do so the next time I step on that scale it's still under 300.  I do get a little discouraged knowing I'm still so very far away from goal, so I try my best not to think about that. 

I motivate myself on a daily basis, saying that for today I will eat right (which includes the smaller 1800 calorie card), for today I will accomplish my exercise goals - which is easy today since I'm taking my day of rest.  All you have to get through is one moment at a time. 

Imagine yourself on a stretch of road and at the other end of it sits a case full of money - like one million dollars.  This road has hills and valleys, it's not always smooth, the weather conditions are harsh and it's a long way.  But it's never going to get any closer if you don't take that first step, and each subsequent step thereafter.  And most of us cannot see that bag full of money (i.e. what we really want out of life - to be the appropriate weight, to be healthy), so our desire to walk this road wanes under the oppression of the conditions. 

You just have to remind yourself that it's there.  This is my internal dialogue every single day.  And over time the choices have gotten a lot easier.  Food is no longer an issue - my main battle now is with exercise.  So I have to tell myself that I only have to ride the bike one minute longer, I only have to walk one step further, I only have to start the Pilates routine and before I know it, I've done what I need to do.

It really is a matter of choice.  If you wait to be motivated, you may eat yourself to a higher weight that will make it even further away from your goal. 

A Love Letter

I'd like to do something a little different tonight.  It's Valentine's Day after all, and I'm feeling especially mushy.

Sometimes when you're in a really long relationship you forget the magical moments you experienced when you were first discovering each other.  Those moments when your heart races or your breath catches, and you actually feel the power of love just by looking at someone.  Soon, the reality of life takes over, it begins to crowd out those romantic feelings and soon you have something comfortable, something sacred, but something that it's very easy to take for granted.

And I take my husband for granted.  I give him a lot of grief - maybe not unfairly so but I also forget to treat him like the special person in my life that he is.  I forget to tell him how much better every single day is just because he's in it.  I pulled away when my ex husband died, so afraid to be close to anyone - and Steven stood by me, never pushing me, never making me feel guilty for switching alliances in the middle of the game.

Instead he loved me as he always has loved me - unconditionally and unwaveringly.  He treats me like a queen.  I never had to lose one pound for him to love me or to consider me beautiful or attractive.  He saw all that I'm uncovering now, from that very first meeting.  When the world treated me like I was invisible, he called me by name.  He held my hand and was never, ever ashamed to present me to the world as the one he loves.

And he's the one that I love every day, in every way.  I love being able to tell him anything without fear of being judged or reprimanded.  I love how he makes me laugh, and taught me how to make life fun.  I love him for teaching me it was okay to love myself.  For showing me that people really can do things because they want to and not because there are strings attached.

He gave me his heart, he gave me an extended family who accepted me and my kids without reservation.  He gave me life.  He also taught me that love doesn't leave, no matter how bad things can get.  And that was the biggie. 

I love you Steven.  From this moment on, and forever.  Thank you for being my biggest fan - and for a thousand other reasons 2,500 characters just couldn't cover.

Broke 300 - Got a New Do

Since we had to go to the mall for Valentine's Day gifts, we decided to weigh in a day early because our schedule tomorrow is pretty well booked.  I weighed in at 300lbs and 4 oz, which is 1lb and 3oz less than when I weighed in in Wednesday.  Good news, but I was a little bummed out that I hadn't broken through the 300 barrier. 

After walking around the mall, I decided I'd weigh in again.. maybe, just maybe, I'd have lost 5oz.  I weighed in at 300lbs and 0 ozs.  More walking, some exchanging of gifts and on the way to dinner I weighed in AGAIN (I was on a mission, can you tell?) at this time it finally paid off - 299lbs and 7 ozs, which is a total of 6lbs and 8oz for Blast Off Week.  That means I DID IT!!!!!  I broke it and I'm never going back. 

To celebrate this 51 lb loss I went - for the first time ever - to a high dollar salon in the mall and put my fate in the hands of a stylist to give me a new look.  I was deliberating earlier in the week about finally cut my long hair.  I got an email from one of my weight loss buddies Cathy who said she was going to cut her hair and donate to Locks of Love, an organization that makes hair replacements for kids suffering from medical hair loss.  It was like a nudge from a higher power.  That was all I needed - I was able to say goodbye to the long hair I've worn for the last 17 years.  

I really do feel like a new person.  Thanks to everyone who stays with me along my journey, I appreciate each and every one of you. 

Today I had some non scale victories as well - we went to El Chico for dinner and I ate only half my dinner and didn't order dessert.  My indulgence was lemonade.  I didn't even have a sopapilla.  Also I stopped eating when I was comfortable.  I wasn't hungry anymore, but I wasn't full.  It was a good feeling.

Happy Valentine's Day, may it be a healthy and happy one for everybody. 

 

My Weight Management Tools

One of the consistant questions I get since being featured on AOL Diet & Fitness: AOL Takes It Off - February 2004 is what diet I'm on to lose weight.

I don't consider it a diet.  It's not really all that restrictive.  I can eat pretty much whatever I want, I just have to be smart about portion control and make good food choices.  If I want a piece of pie, I can have a piece of pie - as long as I make it fit into my overall caloric intake for the day.

How much you weigh determines the amount of calories you need each day.  Being over 300 I've been able to take in 2000 calories each day broken down into the main food groups. 

I use the Richard Simmons Foodmover, which allows me to close off windows as I eat during the day.  When all the windows are closed, I'm done.  The great thing about this Foodmover is that I paid $15 for it, and I can use it forever. 

I've also adopted a more active lifestyle, baby steps at a time.  I bought a pedometer to increase my steps according to the Walk Off Weight Plan, so even parking a little further away helps.

I also bought a Reebok Pilates Core Strength Kit.  I do this every other day - or at least three times a week.

I have the luxury of having a stationary bike.  This provides great cardio - I started at one song (about 4-5mins) and have worked up to 30 minute stretches.  Currently I'm doing five minutes warm up, 20 mins at my fat burning heart rate and then five minutes cool down.  I do this 5-6 times a week.

And of course this journal.  Which is probably one of THE most important things I've done differently.  I'd recommend a journal - private or public - for anyone attempting to lose weight.  I also highly recommend keeping track of your food.  Always know what you're eating.  Information is the most powerful weapon in your weight management arsenal.

It Took 3 Months, But PROGRESS At Last

I started this journal on November 11, 2003 so each month on the 11th I always like to check in with my progress so far.  On Jan. 9 I weighed in at 313lbs and 11oz.  On Feb. 10 I weighed in at 301lbs and 7oz, for a total loss of 12lbs and 4oz!!  My total inches down for the month of January till now - 12 inches from five measuring points.  I'm still not in a size 26 yet due to my waist size, but I'm not going to complain.  I'm VERY excited about the progress.

My exercises consist of Pilates every other day, doing all the advanced exercises  except for the rolling bridge (I can do the regular bridge however, all ten so that's a BIG BIG step for me).  I also try to walk at least 4 times a week to the park and back for a total of 3 miles each trip.  Added to that is 30 mins on a stationary bike, 20 of which where I make sure my heart rate is in it's optimum fat burning range.  I walked 240,930 steps since Jan. 11th, which is approximately 185 miles. 

My eating program is Richard Simmons Foodmover, on the 2000 calorie card.  As soon as I break 300 it will go down to 1800.   I'm enduring Blast Off Week (about 1000 calories) to get there.

My goals for March 11, 2004 - weigh 293 (a loss of eight pounds), and to fit totally into a size 26.

As for writing, I did write my Valentine's Day Short but I need to work on my contest script.  I will be sending the letter to O Magazine tomorrow, however.  So we'll see how that goes.

Since this is Wednesday I must comment on The Bachelorette.  My guy got booted tonight (Lanny) but his mother was formidable.  It would have taken an alpha female to handle that situation, and Meredith decided that wasn't for her.  Sadness.  My pick now is Matthew.  Gotta root for my Texan boys!!

Cold Weather - Bad; Mall - Good

Another cold gloomy windy day meant no walk at the park (Sir Winston is going bonkers from cabin fever himself), but since it was Steven had the day off we decided to get our steps in at the local Walmart Supercenter and the mall.

Walmart can be very inspiring.  They had a big Valentine's Day display with dozens of cookies and candies and goodies, but I trucked right on past heading toward the vitamin supplement aisle.  On the way there I passed the Missus clothes section.  It was a good motivator to forget all about those cookies - there were a lot of clothes there that I'll never fit into if I cave to my inner Cookie Monster. 

The mall had the same effect.  I managed to strut right on past the Pretzel stand and even El Chico (very hard to do considering I passionately love Mexican food), and when I saw the window display of size 0 mannequins in their oh so skimpy bathing suits, I forgot all about the chips and free queso. 

Steven pulled out $0.50 on the first lap around the mall but I told him no, I wouldn't weigh till lap 2.  I kinda didn't want to weigh at all.  I mean I did, but I was afraid of not seeing any progress.  I felt so bloated today, I just knew it wasn't going to change from Saturday - unless it was more of a gain.

Well, I stepped on the scale to find a 4.5 loss!  I know most of it is water, but a loss is a loss is a loss.  That means I'm 1lb and 7oz away from breaking that 300 barrier.  It was a whole lot easier to stay on Blast Off Week after seeing that.  Maybe by Saturday I will be able to leave 300 behind me FOR GOOD. 

It was a good day. 

Oh, and by the way I managed to eke out a Valentine's Day short script for my screenwriting message board contest.  If you want to read it, look here: http://www.geocities.com/gsvscreenplays/STUCK.txt

Exercise: 8603 steps, 30 mins on the bike

It's Official. I Hate Winter

Too bad there isn't a "cabin fever" option in the pull down menu for mood, because that's exactly what I have.  I've gone back to working from home when I moved, and the ugly side effect is that if I don't get my walk, I'm couped up all day. 

I wanted to go for a walk today but within an hour the temp dropped 10 degrees, the wind kicked up and I was left to look at the gloomy overcast skies.  Normally I don't mind overcast skies but today it drove me absolutely loopy.  Or loopier as the case may be.

The diet... is not going well.  I'm doing it, but it's so much harder than I remember.  I ended up making pasta for the kids and ate zucchini for myself, just because I was done with my carbs for the day.  So I'm not going over my required calories, but I'm mighty ticked off about it. 

And I'm so blessed tired.  I think my metabolism is shutting down because of the extreme change in caloric intake.  I'm going to go get some vitamins tomorrow to see if that helps.  Riding the bike helped, it was just mustering the stamina to get on.  All I wanted to do was take a hot bath, climb under the covers and sleep.

But as I told my sister tonight, that's really the hardest part.  Riding the bike is not as hard as motivating myself to do it.  And the more I procrastinate the harder it gets.  But once I get on the bike or step out my door for a walk, it's no big deal to complete the task, and I always feel so much better when it's done.

To quote Yoda.  There is no try.  There is do or do not. 

So I done dood it.

Exercise - 5511 steps, 30 mins on the bike, Pilates

Grammy Sunday, pt 1

Can I just say that the Prince/Beyonce opener was flat out  AMAZING???  I've been a Prince fan since 1999 - the album that is.  I was about 12 when it came out in 1982.  I've always thought he was a very talented individual, and it was a kick to watch him struttin his Purple Badness up on the stage. 

As I watched the Roll Call I got sad.  I tend to, each time the names roll and I realize what great talents we've lost.  This last year was especially sad, on a personal level as well as the many, many people we lost.

But something hit me today, and forgive me for being momentarily morbid, that these are the lucky ones.  These are the people who managed to see their dreams to fruition before the roll was called.  They did what they loved and lived their dream.  It is something to celebrate, even if they are no longer with us.  Their mark on the world remains.

I only hope that I can earn my place and make my mark the way I want to someday.  More than anything I'd like my life to mean something on a grand scale.  My dreams and goals are kinda lofty, so I'm going to have to make a big splash to ensure I leave behind the legacy I want to.

And this has served to get me out of the cocoon of weight I was spinning around myself.  I realized that life was too short to waste any more time.  It was time to get moving, and make things happen.  This week I plan to take a step in that direction.  I'm going to send the editors of O Magazine a query to see if they'd be interested in featuring my little vignettes in their magazine.  They may, they may not - but I'm never going to know unless I send it out there.

Grammy Sunday, pt 2

 

I was always waiting to do that.  Waiting until I was ready, till my work was ready, till I was "perfect".  This journal has shown me I don't need to be perfect.  I can offer the world something just by being myself. 

In Stephen King's book "On Writing", he recounted how he used to send out his work even when he was in school, and how he'd tack all his rejection letters up on a nail on the wall.  I, on the other hand, would send out something once in a blue moon, get a rejection letter and stick my head back in the sand.  That would explain why I have a ton of stuff written but nothing published.  That's what I get for being a scaredy cat.

But no more.  When the roll calls on my life I want the picture to be smiling because I have found my place, my meaning, what I was put on this earth to do.  If God truly gave me this talent to reach the world, then I want to reach it. 

So like Pink sang, "If God is a DJ, then life is a dance floor.  You get what you're given, it's all how you use it."

On a dietary note, I survived the first day of Blast Off Week.  My head only spun around once, which I think is pretty good.  I may or may not ride the bike tonight.  I may make Sunday my "rest" day just because my work schedule is so crazy.   Maybe just surviving the first day of a strict diet is enough to torture my body with today.  Because I gotta tell you, a hot bath really sounds a lot better right now. 

The Good News and the Bad News...

Well the bad news is my less than ideal week gave me a less than ideal weigh in.  I'm up 11oz from last week.  That's way too close to a lb for my liking. 

The good news is, even though I'm bummed out, don't count this girl out.  The difference with this weight loss Journey than any of the others I've been on, is when I run into something that isn't what I want or expect, I just adapt and move on.  Rather than eat a pint of ice cream, I empower myself with knowledge to make next week better.

Last week I ate bad foods and didn't exercise because I was sick.  I also have water retention because of my stooopid hormones.  (That really bites being a woman and trying to lose weight.  At least one week a month you're going to see weight fluxations that are beyond your control.).  The weight gain was no surprise.  The fact it was a LOT less than I expected, is the good news.  I also had a Non Scale Victory in that a size 26 button down shirt fit me today no problem, water bloat and all.  Which is way cool.

The better news is I'm stepping up my exercise.  I jumped up the mode on my exercise bike to 2 rather than one, and now I'm pushing toward my target heart rate.  It's no longer about how long I can ride - I've proven I can handle that - now it's about how hard I work. 

So today I discovered what my target heart rate is to burn fat with a Target Heart Rate Calculator, and for me it's between 112 and 149.  As I rode today,  I maintained 20 minutes in my target heart range.  I used a start up and cool down method and I really worked up a sweat.   So I'm going to do this for six days this week (one day off to rest) and we'll see how it affects the scale next week.

I'm also going to do what Richard calls "Blast Off Week".  It's about 1000 calories per day and it's suggested for the beginning of any diet as well as any plateau.  Gonna be hard.... I'll let you know how it goes.

Today's workout song - What is Love by Haddaway.  You know the one, where the SNL guys do their little head bob dance.  It's impossible to sit still to this song.

Steps: 7268, 30 mins on the bike and Pilates.

What Gives Me the Right

When I started this journal I kept expecting someone to call me out on being a big phoney.  How can I be expected to be taken seriously when my weight problem is still so obviously out of control?

Fortunately that did not come until today, when I'm fully aware of exactly who I am and what I have to offer right now, not just when I get down to goal weight.

In amidst the dozens of supportive emails, I got an email from someone who said, "what makes you think you're one to talk to about weight..you look like you're at least 200 pounds over..don't bullshit people."

So I'm going to address that here. 

I am the face of obesity in America.  When you look at me, you see hundreds of thousands of others who are in exactly the same boat.  And they're the ones I speak to most when I come here.  They're the ones who see my struggle, my ups and my downs, and it makes it okay for them to try too.

I've already ripped away every conceivable barrier between me and the world to let them know how human we all are, even if we're hidden under layers of protective fat.

And I've been extremely honest along the way.  It's not my nature to lie or mislead people.  What you see with me is quite literally what you get.  And I'm not going to earn the right to have an opinion only when I get to goal weight. 

I'm in the battle zone every day.  I'm living this and that's what gives me the right to talk about it.

How people receive it, that's another story altogether.

Fortunately 99% of my emails have been positive.  This is the very first one that had anything negative to say.  And I'm glad it came now instead of three months ago when I started this journal. 

Because as of today, the opinions of others are not the requirement for me to continue - or share - my Journey. 

Thanks to all the people writing me wonderful letters of support and encouragement.  And thanks to everyone who says that I encourage them, even though I'm not through with my own Journey yet.  That's what inspires ME and keeps me going.  :)

New Attitude

Even though the day had it's disappointments, I'm pretty excited about how I handled everything.  I feel really in control of things right now, and that's a neat feeling. 

So as I rode my bike for another 30 min interval, I came across a song that eloquently expressed my mood.  "New Attitude" by Patti LaBelle.  "I'm feeling good from my head to my shoes, know where I'm going and I know what to do, I've tidied up my point of view, I have a new attitude".  God those are lyrics to belt out at the top of your lungs.  There's no real way to be depressed as you say them. 

And it's really hard not to be motivated when you hear them too.  I'm a big believer in positive thinking.  I think the only real difference between someone who succeeds and someone who doesn't is one always believed they could.  I think that's crucial.  You need to have confidence in what you can do or have done, so that when the low points come you won't be as tempted to quit. 

I say this with the utmost confidence now.  Tomorrow (well, today technically) is weigh in day.  We'll see how the momentum carries as I find out what my less than ideal week meant for pounds lost or {gulp}gained. 

I guess I'll have to put Patti in my CD player and listen to that as I hop on the scale.

:)

Being a Responsible Adult Sucks

The trip to LA is off.  We got whacked with a couple of financial surprises, one being a huge bill and the other being a delay in money to pay said bill.  So there was no feasible way we could take this trip.  Sadness.

The kids are bummed out.  So am I.  Like I had said, this trip was going to be a kind of celebratory trip to reward me after losing (nearly) 50lbs.  My Mom2 was going to treat me to a makeover.  We were going to go see the Ellen Degeneres Show.  It was going to be a nice little getaway. 

But alas, it's not in the cards.  But I'm not completely forsaken.  I'm looking for a weekend getaway in March, during the kids' spring break from school.   Money providing anyway.  We'll have to see how it goes.

Right now I'm contemplating 3 locations.  Timothy wants San Antonio.  He's studying the Alamo and wants to see that.  Steven is pining for Dallas, to go to Six Flags Over Texas - plus it's only a couple hours away, and he'd be driving.  Personally, I yearn for the waterfront.  I'd love to get away to Houston/Galveston.  Jeremiah only wants California, bless his heart. 

So it just comes down to where we can stay and do a lot without spending very much.  So sadly for Steven, Six Flags may be out.  Those tickets are a little pricey.  Plus, I'm kinda nervous still about amusement parks.  I have a fear of being too big for the rides and so therefore I don't want to ride any rather than face the embarrassment of being told to get off.  It's happened only once, but that was enough. 

Zoos, aquariums, malls, and museums, those are more my style.  But I'm saving my amusement park thrills for Orlando. 

Only 105lbs to go. 

Steps: 3388, 60 mins on the bike total (I'll be so happy when the weather warms up)

Do Fat People Enjoy Food?

On my walk last week as I rounded the longer 1.5 mile stretch, the aroma from the nearby restaurant drifted over to me and left me both esctatic and kinda angry.  Here I am walking along trying to walk off all the damage I've already done to my body, and that smell had me ready to grab a knife and fork.  I kinda beat myself up for a moment thinking how wrong it was for me to put so much pleasure on food.

As I reflected on this, I actually stopped to wonder if maybe, for the first time ever, if I ever really enjoyed food before.  I know I used it to stuff emotions, and pretty much scarfed it like I was never going to eat again, but did I enjoy it?  Was it some blind binging while I was doing other things, like watching TV or surfing the web?  Was it eating so fast and so much that I didn't even know what the food tasted like until the second helping?  Or third?  Yes, there were thirds.

What I've learned since I began this Journey is that I can enjoy food still.  I'm not on a diet, I'm finally eating just what my body needs in order to function, as well as lose weight.  I can eat whatever I want, as long as I keep the right portions and don't overload on any one food group.  And the better I eat, the more I enjoy it. 

Rather than eating a big ol' chicken fried steak with baked potatoes and cream gravy, with buttered biscuits and cobbler a la mode for dessert, I can eat a Cajun grilled salmon or catfish fillet with steamed veggies, a big ol' nekkid salad, a roll with a smidge of butter and just a bite (or three) of said cobbler.  And the best part of all... not only do I enjoy the taste of the food but I really enjoy the feeling of being in control of my eating.  I enjoy knowing I've done something good for my body.

Let's face it.  Those binges come at a huge emotional price, that usually must be paid with even more binging.  Food is not my enemy, and I can still enjoy it.  I just have to learn to enjoy it for what it is, rather than what I've always used it for.  Eat slow, enjoy the taste and most of all enjoy the feeling at the end of it that I didn't undo the precious foundation I have set for myself each day of this Journey. 

Steps: 12,056 & Pilates

A Bachelorette Wednesday

Forget what I said last week.  Lanny is EXACTLY what Meredith is looking for!

She commented tonight how she wanted someone who challenged her.  During her first one on one date with Chad and Matt, there was one thing that was obvious.  Meredith was the one calling the shots.  They were shy or almost too gentlemanly - she had to be the aggressor both times.

Then, on her one on one with Lanny, there was a moment when they were kissing that he suddenly turned the tables and he was the one pursuing her.  You could tell by her expression this both surprised her and made her melt.  She wasn't alone!

I know she's crazy about Matt too.  He's incredible, for sure.  He's a gentleman, he's kind and he's pretty much the "Ryan Sutter" of this season.  I just think that Meredith needs more of a challenge.

Chad is a great guy.  When he teared up reading his letter to KJ and TJ I was amazed.  What the heck is going on between them that we haven't seen??  It seemed out of the blue, but totally sincere.  Again, another gentleman.  Again, maybe just a wee bit too passive for our dear girl Meredi.

Ian.  Well, Ian.  I'm seeing a LOT of infatuation between the two.  There's definite chemestry.  He seems a little wary of emotional connection, i.e. the inability to open up about how he's feeling.  Personally that would make me nutty, but Meredi has to pick who is right for her.  I don't think Ian is it.

Lanny.  Lanny, Lanny, Lanny.  Sigh.  I liked him from the time he drawled hello.  It's the Texan thing.  I immediately got the sense that he was a good man, who'd been raised right, and who had his priorities straight.  When you work with animals, you live your life pretty simply.  This isn't someone with his head in the clouds.  He knows when to be a gentleman, but he also knows when to grab the bull by the horns.  He's got just the right mix.  And the fact Meredi got EXCITED about horses just by having him talk to her about them says a lot. 

I can't wait till next week.  I'm a sucker to get so emotionally invested.  I hope I'm not crying here next week with his being sent home LOL

Steps: 4119 - darn Punxsutawney Phil and his winter weather.  :-P  I rode the bike though.  It's Pilates day!

Introducing Miss February!

I woke this morning to a mailbox full of actual emails rather than spam.  It was wicked cool.  Apparently my journal is currently featured for AOL Diet & Fitness: AOL Takes It Off - February 2004 which means for the entire month of February my smiling face will greet you when you visit that page.  Cool, huh??  I'm really blown away.

One of the things I was most asked was what I was doing that helped me lose 45lbs in four months.  The biggest aid to my new weight loss Journey isn't a diet, it isn't my exercise, it's this journal.  It's the only thing I've done differently and it really is my lifeline sometimes.  When I stumble or fall I can come here, be honest about what I did or didn't do and find out it isn't the end of the world.  I can still call myself strong or successful just by realizing how okay it is to be human. 

I don't have to beat myself up.  All of the comments I've received since starting this journal have been positive and supportive.  People really do care.  It just took reaching out.

So my biggest advice to anyone starting this Journey is to find a way to reach out.  Be it a journal, public or private, or a diet buddy.  Find someone you can be accountable to, and then endeavor to be as honest as you can during your Journey, even if you stumble occasionally. 

Because if you find the right person, or people, you're going to find them a lot more accepting of your little ups and downs than you could ever be for yourself... and it will teach you the most important thing to learn in the process.

Steps: 13,892

Stubbornness Thy Name is PUG

So I managed to get out and enjoy the sunshine today, and I've come to realize something.  Sir Winston Q. Pooter doesn't seem to know that the walks are for me.  Right as I get in a groove and start really sweating (and granted, it could have been the fever), Winston must stop every 50 or so paces to read what Steven likes to call his Tree Mail.

I've heard it said that the waste of another dog is all Winston needs to get to know everything there is to know about the dog who made the "deposit".  If this is true, then Winston should know the intimate details of the lives of each and every dog within a five mile radius.

And the way he stops and sniffs is manic.  I do believe the dog is obsessive compulsive.  He may be short but he's stout.  And when he wants to stop there's nothing short of a nuclear blast will tear him away from whatever has caught his interest.

Not only that but this is a dog who has less coordination than I do.  He zigs when he should zag, nearly tripping and maiming many an unsuspecting jogger along the way.  And Winston is just as social as his Daddy Steven, because he wants to say to EVERYONE.  Babies or small children weird him out a bit (interestingly enough just like they used to do to his Daddy Steven), but other than that he thinks the world is his oyster and everyone around him should love him for how adorable he is.

Right now he's wrestling around with The Great Furred Wonder - Romeow, who is a little confused - he never received the memo that told him he was supposed to be afraid of dogs.  No, instead, he's chasing after Winston having a grand ol time pouncing him when he's least expecting it.

With animals like these, who needs television??

Steps: 12,897

Exercise: 15 mins on the bike (see above referenced fever) and going to do Pilates now.  If Winston lets me...

My Diet Called in Sick

Today the fever hit and I still managed to pull off a twelve hour + shift.  Of course, I felt as though I was working out of my own little haze so it probably wouldn't have lasted that long normally.  That and I was whining and groaning over all the aches and pains and the chills, and that uses up a lot of energy.

Anyway, I didn't bother with the diet or the exercise today.  It was enough to get the work done.  And since we haven't yet gone to the store, it was bad food all day.  I indulged and paid homage to the Fast Food Gods.  And I didn't deny my PMS sweet tooth either.  Let's just say chocolate was involved and leave it at that.

I. Am. Exhausted.  I'm gonna slip nicely into my Nyquil slumber and wake to a new day, where exercise and salads await.

Steps - don't ask.