Friday, April 9, 2004

I feel the NEED. The NEED to FEED.

Well, the journal is still down. It's highly frustrating, but what can you do? We're at the mercy of the AOL gods. I'm having such a day of weakness. I weighed in yesterday (yes, I weighed in early) and it was 289 (which is what I wanted) and I want to weigh in still tomorrow (for the "official" weigh in) and for some weird inexplicable reason I want to eat everything in sight.

There were leftover chicken enchiladas and rice in the fridge and I scarfed it first thing when I got up. It did me in on sodium. I think I'm somewhere around 2300mg right now. And the calories aren't much better. I'm at 1400 right now, so to meet my goal of 1800 I'd have to only 400 calories for the rest of the day. I don't see it happening.

Don't ask me why I'm pigging out. It's not emotional at all... I feel physically hungry. It may still be emotional overload from the pills, not sure. But I just cannot seem to get satisfied.

I guess I'm a little upset with myself for sabotaging the day so early on. I'm not at all inspired to "make it right" by meeting what seems like unattainable goals. Only 200mg of sodium and 400 calories? In 10 hours?? I don't think I'm strong enough to tackle the challenge.

It seems I always do this before weigh in. I couldn't even begin to tell you why. Especially since the 289 goal was so important to me.

I will bring up an interesting conundrum. I notice that I lose more weight faster when I don't exercise. I noticed this a few weeks ago when I went on a week or so free of exercise and I lost like 4lbs in ten days. I went back to the exercise and I actually gained weight. I haven't exercised this week and again I lost 3lbs in just a few days.
I know I still need to exercise to get fit and resculpt my body, I just find the discovery interesting.

And as for the exercise I'm going to get back on that horse in a few days. I'm feeling a lot better today than I've felt all week. Yesterday I dosed up with Nyquil and went to bed probably around 8pm, and today - for the first time - I could actually feel a dent put in my exhaustion.

So where does this leave me today? STARVING. I couldn't even begin to tell you why. Maybe part of the recovery process? Either way, it seriously bites. One problem down and yet another arises.

This may be a fall down day, people. But the trick, as always, is not to stay down.


queenz43 said...

Here Here on not staying down. You might have had a fall down day but you never make it a stay down one. Thanks for your honesty and further inspiration. Have a good weekend~RC~

journey2sarah said...

Terrific job!  My fat is flying-melting off too; I am so psyched!  Just got a CONVERTIBLE and life is GOOD!  Going down the road with the top down reminds me of sailing--and that is the best thing in the world.   Since I am on the road alot this is going to be soo coool.  I've been running around securing all kinds of parts.  My favorite acquisition was the alternator bolt which I found in time at the junk yard; found it myself.  I'd love to see the screenplay; what happened with The Batchelor--somebody swipe your stuff?  Being an inventor, I hate that.

lizabird78 said...

I just had to read this entry and I can say that as far as the hunger goes I can empathize. I have days of that and my food choices are not healthy at all.  What I TRY to do is drink more water, infact I attempt to drown myself with it.  It fills me and sometimes I can talk myself out of eating all together.  Good luck to you I will read more but I will encourage you when I can!