One of the areas I've tried hard to correct, and it requires constant diligence, is how I speak to myself. I'm my own worst critic and I'll be the first to insult myself in order to beat everyone else to the punch. It's sort of a defense mechanism. Like I'm saying, "See? I already said these horrible things about me so therefore anything you add won't hurt me." I devalue myself before anyone else gets a chance to, and over the years I've made it an acceptible practice. And worst of all... I believe it.
I need to be my biggest supporter right now, not just when I meet goal. I need to love and nurture myself like I do the people around me. I would never, ever call anyone I love hopeless or worthless or a failure, but these are the things I have said to myself. And when it's all said and done the only person I hear 100% of the time is myself. So no matter what is added by outside sources, the inner voice is always going to be the loudest and the longest.
One of the reasons I am imprisoned by all this fat is because I didn't feel unconditionally loved, by others, by God (we'll get into it when we start getting into religion and its impact on my life - I'm just not ready for that yet) and especially by myself.
Love was always about deed after my dad died, and I never felt like I was good enough. And that has to change.
Especially with the weight loss journey. When I start to feel like a failure or start telling myself that it's pointless to ever try to be successful because that big ol foot of life will just ram its way up my backside, the last thing I want to do is exercise, or watch what I eat, or even journal (last night I almost didn't post at all).
Perhaps the most challenging change to make is how I perceive myself. I need to remember that I'm worthy of being fit and healthy. I am worthy of being happy. I am worthy of being more than just a sacrificial lamb for those that I love. No matter how much my inner voice wants to fall back in destructive behavior, I have to counter it with positive, supportive words of encouragement.
In the words of Stuart Smalley, "Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."
Calories: 1712 / 20% fat
Sodium: 2210mg
Water: 60oz
Exercise: none
4 comments:
Your not only good--your great!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep up the positive self-talk!!--Mary
This was an excellent entry that SO resonated with me. I too have let those destructive negative tapes play and play in my head. I too have always been the sacrificial lamb for those around me. I too struggle with my weight. I started my journal when I had reached a point in my life that I HAD to make a change. Whatever you do, don't let that inner voice propel you backwards. Keep pushing forward. Because you are good enough,smart enough, and people do like you. You inspire us. Hugs~RC~
Look Gin: we all love you. You better not stop posting, even if just to give us all/the world the finger. The above entry is one of your most excellent! (good job on the H20 too). Straight talk: the book on pos self talk (by its progenitor) says: tell yourself stuff and the mind will believe it. JUST CHOOSE! This is what this "fat" process is all about. Society made all of us fat Americans fat. It is the food/commercial environment. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
It bears a little more elucidation, my comment: this is what this fat process is all about; you are learning the new skills set associated with being slender. Your progress is FINE. You get positive self talk from all of us--even the lurkers come up for air--sometimes. Tell yourself: "I am kind to others and so I am "kind to myself." It will happen. Subconscious mind believes WHATEVER you tell it (even lies). Tell it good stuff. "The bigger the dream, the bigger the dream come true!"
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