Over the last couple of weeks the group I had introduced to the church began to dwindle. Where I was feeling confident that I was a leader, I was faced with people falling away from me and losing my flock.
Well God was gracious enough to show me the error of my ways. Thankfully it wasn't a full fledged smiting. It was just a not so gentle nudging that a true leader keeps their eyes forward, not behind them. I was so preoccupied on getting everyone else on the path I had strayed myself.
I truly believe that my purpose in life is one of leadership. Maybe that's why I've experienced so many bad things, so that I can help others who are in the same situation. But first I have to fight my own way out.
And last night I didn't lead that authentic life I need to live in order to fulfill my purpose. I shook off the exercise, making excuses and totally let myself down but anyone else who may keep my journal in mind as an example. And recognize please that I consider that a tremendous responsibility - I do not approach it with any kind of arrogance at all.
But one thing I realize is sometimes people need to follow someone who has the courage to make the first move. There's safety in numbers, and we all seem to operate better in a group. I know that I check out many journals every day to see how people are doing, wanting and needing to see the journey of others. It inspires me.
So I never want to let anyone down who comes to this journal. I have to keep my eyes focused on the prize, and blaze the path if it is not already mapped out for me. I don't want to do it alone, and I appreciate everyone who follows this journey with me - I lean on you all, your support builds me up.
Therefore I apologize for falling short. Not just to you but to myself. I need to get my head focused on what I'm really here for, and that's to put one foot in front of the other until my goal is met and my vision fulfilled.
I'm truly grateful for those of you who walk with me. I can honestly say I couldn't have come this far without you. This journal is my anchor, my accountibility - my honest, authentic life.
That said I did go slightly over calories today. We went out to eat after church, and the IHOP boysenberry syrup took me over. I didn't expect the fruit flavored syrup to be so much higher than regular syrup. Live and learn.
The sodium - well that's just been a lost cause this week. It'll be better after I go shopping, where I can restock on all my "safe" foods. I'm really looking forward to it to be quite honest. I hate food induced guilt.
Oh, and an update on the My Immortal front - I haven't heard anything yet from the contests or the management companies. I don't consider this a good sign. If the management company liked it they would have called or contacted me by now I'm sure. I will write them, but I wouldn't be surprised if they say it's a pass.
But that's okay. I've prayed that God will take these projects where they need to go, and I'm still going to send Comic Squad to the Disney Writing Fellowship. There are coveted positions available for a nice $50,000 paycheck, and I have a project that might be just right for Disney. So that, with a new wave of query letters going out, should help me find more interest. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.
DAILY AFFIRMATION: My life has meaning and purpose, and I don't have to be perfect in order to carry it out. I just have to be true to who I was created to be.
Calories: 1954 / 24% fat
Sodium: 3742mg
Calcium: 1027mg
Water: 72oz
Exercise: bike 30 mins*/Pilates*/more Jorge ab work*
RED means I didn't meet goal
*Projected
4 comments:
Dear Gin,
As you say, "One day at a time". This is what we have been doing. My sister has a blood clot hit her heart, had to be resussitaed 6 times. She got a staff infection (which is life threatening to her since she has a mechanical heart valve), has survived an implant of a pacemaker-defibalator after waiting 6 days for her blood levels to get right. We are now waiting to see what happens next. Hopefully the body won't reject the new device. Reminded me of why I am on the weight loss journey... for me, for my family. I did an echocardiogram last week (haven't been feeling too well) and should have the results sometime this week. Will let you know. Please keep my sister, Claudie, in your prayers.
Love you
Just to spur everyone on to renew our determination to be healthier, and in addition to burgesses commment,(which by the way, I will say a prayer for your sister), I would like to report that I received a phone call from one of my closest friends who had to move far away several years ago due to her husbands employment. She told me that the person who she became best friends with when she moved had passed away in February of a heart attack. She was only 47, quite overweight, and hated to cook, so they ate out all the time. I myself, had some kind of "episode" with my heart on March 2nd. I thought I was a gonner. But they couldn't find anything wrong, even though I lost half my strength, and it has taken me this long to get it pretty much up to what it was. The woman I mentioned was under a ton of stress, as so have I been. And that is the "killer combo", weight + stress. We don't just have to lose the weight, we also need to find ways to lose the stress, Which can be harder to lose than the weight! DB
God Bless You, nice journal :o)
Strong strong journal entry today; Ginger you are being led by the Holy Spirit. The Disney thing strikes me as a winner just from the name of it; where is the information on it? If any on here? I would like to take a look at it.
The readers' postings today are so enlightening-- the journey really is about much more than looks (although they can be a tremendous asset) it is our health--, our very lives are at stake here and the quality of our lives. This is why my approach to eating is not just to have "fun" (although eating really is about entertainment sometimes and socializing--feasting!!!). Rather, also eating to me is a method of inducing health. (Having at one point become 50% more than my body weight ideally should be at one point--through some odd sets of circumstances.) I have sought through prayer to find ways to harness the power in foods to heal the body not just fuel it. I believe I have gotten some darned good direction in this, much of it has run parallel to Ginger's and what she writes only confirms what I have found (very often)-- this is one of the reasons I take time out to check in; also I believe in Ginger. I see her, I do not need to do visual imagery exercises to see her slim; I see her slim everytime I log on. It is a spiritual gift. She is going to do it you guys!!! (Mark my words here!)
Burge has some tough stuff going on; I will say some prayers for not just her sister but also for her and her entire family.
It is good for you Ginger to acknowledge your sources. And also thank G-d ceaselessly every day for your health and family. These two are your biggest assets. Your mental faculties and your faith also come from Him. Seek, girl, and you shall find!!!!
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