Over the last couple of weeks the group I had introduced to the church began to dwindle. Where I was feeling confident that I was a leader, I was faced with people falling away from me and losing my flock.
Well God was gracious enough to show me the error of my ways. Thankfully it wasn't a full fledged smiting. It was just a not so gentle nudging that a true leader keeps their eyes forward, not behind them. I was so preoccupied on getting everyone else on the path I had strayed myself.
I truly believe that my purpose in life is one of leadership. Maybe that's why I've experienced so many bad things, so that I can help others who are in the same situation. But first I have to fight my own way out.
And last night I didn't lead that authentic life I need to live in order to fulfill my purpose. I shook off the exercise, making excuses and totally let myself down but anyone else who may keep my journal in mind as an example. And recognize please that I consider that a tremendous responsibility - I do not approach it with any kind of arrogance at all.
But one thing I realize is sometimes people need to follow someone who has the courage to make the first move. There's safety in numbers, and we all seem to operate better in a group. I know that I check out many journals every day to see how people are doing, wanting and needing to see the journey of others. It inspires me.
So I never want to let anyone down who comes to this journal. I have to keep my eyes focused on the prize, and blaze the path if it is not already mapped out for me. I don't want to do it alone, and I appreciate everyone who follows this journey with me - I lean on you all, your support builds me up.
Therefore I apologize for falling short. Not just to you but to myself. I need to get my head focused on what I'm really here for, and that's to put one foot in front of the other until my goal is met and my vision fulfilled.
I'm truly grateful for those of you who walk with me. I can honestly say I couldn't have come this far without you. This journal is my anchor, my accountibility - my honest, authentic life.
That said I did go slightly over calories today. We went out to eat after church, and the IHOP boysenberry syrup took me over. I didn't expect the fruit flavored syrup to be so much higher than regular syrup. Live and learn.
The sodium - well that's just been a lost cause this week. It'll be better after I go shopping, where I can restock on all my "safe" foods. I'm really looking forward to it to be quite honest. I hate food induced guilt.
Oh, and an update on the My Immortal front - I haven't heard anything yet from the contests or the management companies. I don't consider this a good sign. If the management company liked it they would have called or contacted me by now I'm sure. I will write them, but I wouldn't be surprised if they say it's a pass.
But that's okay. I've prayed that God will take these projects where they need to go, and I'm still going to send Comic Squad to the Disney Writing Fellowship. There are coveted positions available for a nice $50,000 paycheck, and I have a project that might be just right for Disney. So that, with a new wave of query letters going out, should help me find more interest. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.
DAILY AFFIRMATION: My life has meaning and purpose, and I don't have to be perfect in order to carry it out. I just have to be true to who I was created to be.
Calories: 1954 / 24% fat
Exercise: bike 30 mins*/Pilates*/more Jorge ab work*
RED means I didn't meet goal