Tuesday, June 22, 2004

I am Frustrated

CAUTION:  Weak Warrior Moment Ahead...

I am frustrated.  Completely and totally frustrated.

I've noticed a pattern when I weigh in.  When I know I'm going to weigh in, I totally subconsciously sabatoge myself.  I cannot sleep, which affects weigh in.  I get so tense my bowels lock up, which affects weigh in.  Without fail whenever I weigh in I do everything I know in my logical mind will give me a bad result.

I swear I'm not doing it on purpose, and everytime it happens I get so mad and upset at myself I immediately want to pig out. 

I don't know what's wrong with me.  Furthermore I'm at a complete loss how to fix it.

I think I'm going back to weighing myself once a week.  It seemed like things leveled out at that point.  I've been thinking about fasting one day a week.  For a lot of reasons but mostly because I still feel the lingering bondage for food.  I have to research on how to do it healthily.

Anyway I may just be speaking out of frustration and things will be clearer in the morning.  I need to figure out when a good weigh in would be and just stick to it.  I'll do the photo update then.  It will probably be Wednesday.  It may be tomorrow.  We'll just seen if I can't pull myself together.

Anyway, I blew water and sodium.  Chalk it up to the self sabotage.

DAILY AFFIRMATION: I don't care what the scale says, I know I'm successfully changing my body and losing this weight.

Calories: 2003 / 22% fat
Sodium: 3733mg
Calcium: 1986mg
Water: 48oz
Exercise: Walked 1 mile

RED means I did not meet goal


grettysk said...

GIN!!!!!  YOU ARE FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Don't freak out!  ONE DAY isn't going to ruin you!!!  I do understand what you are feeling though.  As soon as I even SAY to myself..." I'm going on a diet!"  OR " I am never going to eat carbs again!" or something like that....well...ALL OF A SUDDEN I am a FRREEEEEK and can't do it whatsoever.  I am the MASTER of sabatoge.  But GIN...you HAVE been disciplined....you HAVE stuck to your plan for SO long now.....BIG DEAL if ONE day you didn't drink all of your water or went over on your sodium.  BIG FREAKIN' DEAL.  Tomorrow...you will meet the goal.  My problem is, when I mess up I say " screw it" and then eat everything in site.  I am trying to learn from you....if I have a "bad day"...SO WHAT....tomorrow I won't.  That is the key.  Like we all have said before...we are NOT perfect.  And anyway...I still think now and again when you eat more or go over your calorie intake....I think it may even help.  You trick that stubborn ol' metabolism.  So there.  YOU ARE FINE!  THAT OL' DEVIL just wants you to despair.  But you WON'T GIN!!!!  YOU ARE doing it...and it's evident in your pics, your new eating habits, the tape measure, your words.  YOU'VE GOT IT!!!!  You look beautiful.  You ARE beautiful.  And Satan can't STAND IT!!!!!!  Expect even more conflict from him.  You are also telling us all about the love of Christ.  That pisses him off more than taking care of your temple.  Know what I mean???  So GET OUT OF HERE DEVIL!!!! In Jesus name, AMEN.  There.  Maybe that will help for awhile. lol.  Love you....Gretchen  AND once again....THANK YOU for everything, Gin.

sjburgess51 said...

A Poem (from someone you're knowin)

I've lost some weight
I'm feeling great
Till Redman with tail shows up
I listen to him lie
And wonder why
I ain't a size 10 yet
But my friends bet
I can kick him out the door
(The big, broodish boor)
Get back on the wagon
Send his red tail draggin
And win this battle I'm in!

 OK, sorry, that's the best I can do early in the morning, since the doctor took me off coffee!  hehehehehe

lluvjoy2 said...

Just wanted to say keep up the good work!  You are doing great and you are definitely an inspiration.  I lokkk forward to reading your journal and seeing your progress.  You are beautiful!  Keep it up!  God Bless.  ~T