Well it's official. I've plateaued. Despite my week on program and getting the exercise in, I didn't lose but a few ounces. I'm still stuck at 289.
At first I was really annoyed. I demanded that Steven take me to the nearest Dairy Queen. They've been advertising a new hamburger I've wanted to try, but because it has meat, cheese, bacon and mayo I've resisted. I've also resisted the new spicy chicken sandwich at BK because the sodium is off the charts at 2200mg. But today, my resistance was turned off. I wanted to binge and I wanted to forget that I was trying to be so good when I wasn't seeing any result from my steadfastness.
It lasted for a few minutes, then I headed us off at the pass and went to H.E.B instead. It's our local supermarket. They had Lean Cuisines on for 5 for $10 so I stocked up on $30 worth. It's time to break through this plateau once and for all. So that means a week of 1200 calorie days, starting tomorrow. I did splurge on some chinese food (no buffet this time). I wanted those frosted sugar cookies too, until I read the nutrition facts. Even though I'm frustrated, I still cannot get past a bad nutritional choice anymore, so I guess I've turned the corner on that. The cookies were like 170 calories for ONE cookie. 7 grams of fat for ONE cookie. 135mg of sodium for ONE cookie. Needless to say I didn't buy the cookies.
So even though I had my moments of weaknesses, I fought them. I even got to the root at why I was so frustrated. Remember my telling you that I never want to fall on my face in front of anyone? That's what I feel like I'm doing here. I'm no longer excelling. I'm average. I'm no longer "good enough". I'm failing. And I hate that.
I can't look at things this way, it's counterproductive. Instead I can focus on the positives - I lost another inch around my waist which FINALLY puts me at size 26. Thank you Pilates.
Even though I wanted to go completely off program, I still found a way to be good. I didn't give in to the emotional overeater. I wanted to. Boy did I want to. But I kept her at bay and did what I could to become even MORE dedicated to the process.
Toward that end, here are my goals. I'm going to go on the 1200 calorie diet as of tomorrow. I'm not going to have any exercise goals this week, although I do plan to walk and include Pilates into my regime. There's just not going to be pressure to do it. My very first thought when I stepped off that scale was I'm not going to exercise at all. When I don't exercise I seem to lose more weight. But I'm not going to buy into that, I know I've got to do this to sculpt my body as I lose the weight.
Someone wrote in my comments once that sometimes it takes some catching up for your body and all the hard work you do will eventually show results. I sure hope that's true. My body owes me for 4 weeks of no loss.
I will do this. I will excell again. I will NOT fall on my face. I will. Not. Fail.
I'm also going to start a new picture goal. On the first of every month I will take a photo in my new "workout" gear. It's a tank top and shorts, so it won't be pretty for a while... but I'm convinced it will show more of a difference because I won't be all hidden with clothes.
This is another area of dealing with fear. I'm petrified but I'm gonna feel the fear and do it anyway.
Which reminds me. I have a book to order.
Calories: 1985 / 28%
Sodium: 4760mg (darn Chinese food)