Okay so maybe it wasn't technically me.
But as I sat there and watched the Finale for this Weight Loss Challenge I burst into tears. Used to be I couldn't watch these shows back when I was depending on a very UNdependable scale to give me my results. (I insist again that anyone who is over 250lb do not depend on your thirty dollar bathroom scale. Run, don't walk, to your nearest GNC to weigh in on their scale.) Anyway when I was trying everything under the sun and the numbers wouldn't move, I could barely to stand to watch the success stories of these people. I was so jealous, and upset at myself that I couldn't do what they did even though I was changing my eating habits and exercising daily. Steven even wanted me to stop watching there for a while.
Case in point, this old entry: http://journals.aol.com/duckebride323/AJourneytoMe/entries/317
This was before I discovered the scale at GNC. I weighed in on 1/09/04 at 313 and then on 1/24/04 at 306lbs. So I figured out then that I weighed more at the start than I thought and lost more than I thought - but my home scale just didn't reflect the changes.
But my body did. The inches did, even back when I didn't measure all points but just the three main ones. My clothes fit differently and everyone said they could see the difference.
So as I watched today's show and was hearing about their 50, 60, 80 even a hundred pound weight loss, I took my own mental inventory. I have lost 66lbs and 8 dress sizes since mid September. I have destroyed the bondage of emotional eating, no longer will I eat like I used to - nor want to.
As Joyce Meyer says, "I may not be where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be."
I feel better. I look better. I know now that life is to be appreciated and fought for. Each step of the journey so far has been a hard won victory, I've come so far and I know I'm changing from the inside out. I came from a very locked up place where I lived in fear, imprisoning myself behind walls of fat - put there by my own choosing. Put there to keep the world out, and to give me a get out of living card. "Please excuse Ginger from life today. She's tired, depressed and cannot face the challenge. What more do you expectfrom the fat person?"
Being afraid to die started me on this journey nine months ago. What I discovered was that I was really afraid to live. Now, all these months later, I'm not afraid of either anymore. The only thing I "fear" is an unlived life, and that's why I charge through each day making new decisions and having new successes.
It's the best prize of all.
I ended up weighing in today - I know - wet noodle. It was all Steven's fault (hope you buy that, he didn't), he stepped on the home scale to see how much he weighed and it dawned on me I hadn't done that in a while. It read 288 so I demanded we go to the mall immediately. Given that the scale is anywhere from 4-6lbs off, I wanted to see what GNC had to say. I weighed in at 284lbs, which is two pounds since the 19th - and since really starting the new (old) regimen. I'm excited to see the progress, but again I have to focus on today's successes.
And there were many. :)
DAILY AFFIRMATION: I am a winner - a success at what I've set out to do.
Calories: 1880 / 19%
Exercise: ride 30 mins stationary bike, Pilates
RED means I didn't meet goal