I can safely say that there is no one on the Earth exactly like me. I used to complete that observation with the wry, "And the Earth rejoices."
I never really had a whole lot of confidence. I was always in competition with everyone else to do better, be better, excel. My self esteem was riding on it.
In school I had to get the best grades. And once my sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Adams, began to exhault my writing talent, that's where I wanted to shine too. I didn't even attempt anything I couldn't master to everyone else's astonishment.
That's why contests mean so much. I give my all and I think I deserve recognition, but it never came. I was the shining star of my ninth grade Public Speaking class (yes, shy me), but I never won ONE city wide competition. It totally bummed me out and made me question my total worth, just because I wasn't number one.
That's why never placing in my screenwriting competitions would shake me from writing anything, period, for months after I was told once again my script, in other words I, wasn't going to make the cut. I have to obliterate the competition - I have to win.
But things are happening now that are important. Confidence building things that show me I don't have to beat anyone else to excel at the only thing God ever intended me to excel at - and that's being me. There's only one, one who has had the benefit of learning and growing and evolving over these last 34 years into a pretty cool person.
I don't have to lose this weight to be someone, I already AM someone. I have my faults because I'm human, and there's no way in this world I can eliminate all these faults and become Super Human. Why I aspired to this, I had no idea. My faults are there to show me things, to teach me things, to help me grow. They evolve and change right along with me.
Once I have conquered this weight, there will be other things I will have to work on. You never stop growing until the day that you die. And by then you've learned all you needed to know anyway.
So I can be confident in who I am. I can be confident in what I'm doing. Criticisms no longer have to cut my self esteem to the quick, I can assess it to see if it is something I can use, and then dump it if I can't. The opinions of others don't determine who I am. Only I do that.
The first step to true self confidence is accepting myself for all the wonderful traits and faults that comprise me. I'm going to kick condemnation to the curb and forgive myself and love myself for the special creature God created me to be.
He loves me and accepts me - so why can't I?
And I will. Starting NOW.
Calories: 1259 / 20% fat
Sodium: 2445mg
Calcium: 854mg
Water: 60oz
Exercise: Errands
3 comments:
Dear, dear Gin,
What a wonderful post and reminder. You helped me today far more than you can imagine. Even we older Christians lose sight occasionally that it's ok to "just be me and let God love me as I am". I also have the "pleaser" personality.
Nobody will be more proud with you than I will be when you lose the weight you want because that is an important goal for you. The weight never hid your shining star to me. I liked you from the first time you emailed me about Steve Perry. Did I ever tell you that was the first email I ever got? I was an online infant, had turned the computer on about 3 times in my life. :) There you were, right when I needed someone, God put you smack dab into my aching heart. What a balm you were for me (and obviously still are with the post today).
Me 'n' God are very proud of you!
Thanks for being a friend Ginger.
Love,
Jeannie
Well...I've always thought you were a very cool person. Someone I'd definitly call a friend.
Thank you for sharing this great entry. You sure seem to hit on a lot of issues I have myself.
Julie
Yay!!! You are wonderful! :) Think of all the good you do with your journal...and you are an excellent writer! (IMHO, lol) It was interesting to hear about the public speaking...I am an excellent public speaker but am also painfully shy. I wonder if this is a normal pattern?
--Jacqueline
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