I'm exhausted. I'm now on a schedule where I actually sleep at night (shocker!) so come about 8pm I'm ready for bed.
The good thing is I can get the exercise done and out of the way early in the morning. I've developed the habit of exercising and spending a couple of hours watching some inspirational webcasts. It gets me in the mood for the day. It's also been giving me some sharp focus on things I need to change, and things I need to keep in my mind for the future.
Today I got a really clear indication that my journey isn't just for myself. At the end of this I'm going to be healthier, but not just in the body. My journey is directly connected to the spiritual for a reason - because in the Body of Christ there is a huge problem with overeating. And I figured out today where obesity comes from. (I'm a slow learner apparently) But if obesity causes health problems that kill, steals us away from living life as it should be lived and destroys our self esteem there's no way it can be from God or a God state. Jesus did not come to kill, steal and destroy - He came that we could have life and that more abundantly.
The adversary in this case I will label as organized religion.
Condemnation + comfort eating = obesity. Religion has us so brow beaten that we are unworthy if we don't follow a strict set of rules. You can't drink. You can't smoke. In some you can't dance. You just have to get through life one painful lesson from God at a time and hope that when you die you can crawl bloody and broken to Jesus and have a rich and fulfilling afterlife.
Forgive me for being a little selfish, but I'm of the mind I don't have to wait for that rich and fulfilling life. I believe I can have it here. I also don't believe God sends us trial and trauma to "teach" us stuff. I do believe that there are times when God doesn't rescue us right away because there are lessons to be learned from each experience in life, it's all part of the pruning process to have us grow and evolve into what God has planned for us. But I don't believe in the "cross to bear" mentality. A former boss of mine used to say, "Get off the cross, honey, we need the wood." Why on earth should we be persecuted like that when Jesus came to set captives free? It's no wonder so many people are stuffing their hurting and empty places with food. We've been conditioned to think we're not worth anything anyway - which is a load of manure.
God has good things in store for us.
I also believe that God works miracles in our lives, but we still have a part to play in bringing about those miracles. I love what Jesse Duplantis says, whatever is in the realm of possibility is our job, God's job is what is in the realm of impossibility. So I don't mind at all that I have to walk this journey to get to where I need to be. There are a lot of lessons to be learned. I think I'm finally learning to appreciate the process, without focusing so hard on the destination.
But I just got this strong urging in my spirit today to lose my attachment to things in my life. My money, my belongings, up unto my own life. Everything I have ultimately belongs to and should be used for God's glory. Everything. So why not my life? Why not this journey?
This is not to suggest I'm going to sell all of my belongings and go join a convent. It just simply means I have to realize my position in the world has a lot more to do with just me. I am a vessel that God can use for the greater good - that's hard for my poorly programed mind to accept. Why would God want to use insignificant little me? Because in God's eyes, I'm not insignificant. That's just my own skewed self esteem. No, in God's eyes I'm a steward meant to share and facilitate his mercy, grace, love and blessings. And I'm not a special case, I think we all are stewards.
So it's time I live up to that job description. Concentrate on the lessons I face each day, and learn what each opportunity has to teach me. I'm no longer a reporter of my life, I'm a student - so that inevitably I can become a teacher. It's the job of all of us in one way or the other. And what a blessing that is.
Awesome and daunting... but a blessing just the same.
Meanwhile I'm going to drag off to bed. Having great spiritual revelations will really take it outta you.
DAILY AFFIRMATION: My life means something, and I am worthy of good things.
Calories: 1893 / 18% fat
Exercise: Walked 1 mile, rode exercise bike 30 mins
RED means I didn't meet goal
P.S. Tomorrow we're having a memorial day picnic with our church tomorrow so I've decided to give myself a "free day". I know from the Mother's Day brunch that it's nearly impossible to keep track of the food when it's that type of pot luck, so I'm just going to give myself the day off. I trust the habits I've developed to keep me from going overboard. And I'm taking some of my own recipes too, which I can better police the fat/sodium/caloric content.
I may also take tomorrow as my day of rest for the exercise, but I'm not completely sure yet. The total inches lost for the week is 2" and I may want to keep the momentum going. Considering the Photo Update for the 1st (in work out gear - EEK) is coming up. But we'll see. I'll play it by ear.