Calling Those Things that Are Not as Though They Were

Saturday was a big ol bust for me.

The home scale showed a gain that *should* have equated to me weighing 289 - and I flat out didn't want to go to weigh in.  If I had seen those numbers again I would have tossed the scale through the GNC store.  That's how frustrated I was.

I'm frustrated at my body which always seems to rebel right around the time I weigh in.  Mid week I should have been about 2-3 lbs lighter than my last weigh in, according to the home scale.  Then, during the next day or two my stubborn body locked up and decided an event that needs to happen at least on a daily basis wasn't going to happen for three.

I'm on fiber overload and so far nothing.  It's very frustrating.

So I didn't anticipate a loss.  Plus it's time for my least favorite aunt and I'm retaining fluid like mad.  My measurements show an inch gain around my "girth" but everywhere else either stayed the same or lost. 

I decided I wasn't going to weigh in, darnit.  I'm not going to put myself through that and get all frustrated.

Well, I went anyway.  I weighed in at 286 - which was 6lbs lighter than what the home scale said.  It's a pound gain, but with everything going on - and I know for darn sure it's not because of the diet I'm on - I think it's a reasonable result.  I'm not going to sweat it.  I think just the fact it was lower than 289, which is what I expected to see, was a big relief.  I didn't care about the 1lb weight gain - just please never let me see 289 again in LIFE.

I also was fighting some kind of bug yesterday.  I couldn't sleep (which also might have lent to the gain) because I was hot - Steven confirmed that my head was warm.   I also felt kinda dizzy whenever I'd close my eyes so I took some Nyquil and spent the evening in bed.  I feel much better now.

The good thing about constipation is that you feel full.  I didn't really want to eat too much yesterday.  I came in under my calorie goal - and really didn't want to eat that second bowl of cereal (yayyyyyy fiber) but finally giving in to the Dairy Queen urge and having that new flame thrower burger put me way over in fat, so I had to eat something else to bring down my ratios.  I still couldn't get it all the way down - I just wasn't hungry enough to eat anything else.

Incidentally - the burger was okay, but I can see living my life without another one.  Which is good because the fat content is through the roof.  When we were deliberating on where to eat today (eating out) Steven commented on how I still made good choices (not eating at Taco Bell because of the sodium, or eating that new spicy crispy sandwhich at Burger King because of the 2000mg of sodium, avoiding Schlotskys like the plague - their original deluxe sandwhich has a whopping 8000mg of sodium).  The flame thrower burger was huge in fat - 60 grams - but I knew I could eat my fat ratios way down.  Sodium you're just kinda stuck with.

Turns out I didn't eat it down, I just wasn't hungry.  Either my body is getting used to the 1200 calories or my current issue with the Big C just discouraged adding anything else to the problem.

My title "calling those things that are not as though they were" comes from the Bible, it's a scripture on faith.  That's what I have to use now because even though I didn't see the weight loss I wanted I have to keep doing what I'm doing and know that I will see a loss soon.  I'm not going to allow myself to stay frustrated.  There's no reason to.  I know I'm doing everything I can and eventually my body will catch up.

 DAILY AFFIRMATION:  I'm sculpting a healthy and beautiful body.

Calories: 1638 / 34% of fat
Sodium: 1676mg
Calcium: 1109mg
Water: 72oz
Exercise: None