Monday, November 1, 2004

I Done Dood It

First of all I hope you all had a safe and happy Halloween.  It was a festive day here at our house, although it was rainy and mucky outside.  This didn't help me and my efforts to fight off the flu.  It's not quite caught on yet but the moisture in the air had me feeling the congestion coming on.  I stayed in needless to say.


This played havoc with my original plan to spend my Sunday afternoon.  Steven and I went on Saturday to find a gym to call home.  We found it in Golds, and have signed up to a two year commitment.  We got a really good deal, better than even at the YMCA, it's only $35 for both of us per month.  I figure it's an investment, and it's going to motivate me to really dedicate myself to the process of getting fit.

What really excites me about this is we're going to have our own trainer, who will take all our stats down and measure things in addition to the scale.  And this guy is built, I trust he knows what he's talking about.  Best of all he's really nice.  It really helped me get over my fear of going out to a public place to exercise.


I finally realized why I wasn't pushing too hard to get to Curves.  It's going to sound really petty as I say this but, I didn't want to go because my sister goes with her daughter in law to be.  Her daughter in law to be is like barely five foot, petite and cute and she intimidates the stuffing out of me.  I don't want to stand next to someone like her and feel my faults are even more exaggerated.

Yes I know this sounds horrible but these are the things you worry about when you're obese.  I'm beginning to think the world doesn't look at me with half the judgment I suspect it does.  But my perception is way off kilter and I just assume that because some do, all do.  It's not fair but it's how I came to be such a reclusive hermit that barely steps outside my house.

Even how I work is by design.  Lately our business has really been tested and I haven't been able to rework it and make it prosper again.  I'm really starting to worry that I may end up having to work outside the home for less money, which pushes me straight out of all my comfort zones.


Which is why I wanted, scratch that, needed Steven to do this gym gig with me.  And he's excited, so that helps.  We were going to go today but I just can't afford to be sick so I wasn't about to step foot outside while it was so rainy and cold.  Instead we rescheduled for Tuesday.

I want to start with Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, and then incorporate more days as possible.  I'm totally in the trainer's hands at this point.  What he tells me I will do.  I'm ready to do what it takes to really work this weight off.  The eating thing isn't enough.  It's important, but it's not going to take me the full distance.


Speaking of eating, I've totally fallen off the wagon as far as goals go this weekend.  I was doing good on Saturday until I spaced the sodium thing and ate a Subway sandwhich.  They're good on calories and fat, but high in sodium.  So I blew my sodium goal all to pieces yesterday.

Then today it was fat.  We're right at the end of our grocery stash and all that's left is bad stuff.  I ended up eating stuff I normally avoid and went over on fat and sodium, even though I didn't eat all my calories. 

I'm not going to beat myself up, I'm just going to do the best I can in the next few days and then go back on program on the 3rd when we get paid.  We would have gone shopping earlier but we ended up spending $70 on a new tire for Steven's car.  So I've painted myself into a bit of a corner but I'm not going to punish myself or guilt myself into self condemnation.  Going off program a little for a few days isn't going to sabotage my journey.  I won't let it.


Meanwhile I have a headache, I'm stuffy nosed and teary eyed and bushed after working all day.  I think I'm going to hit the hay.  More tips and such tomorrow. 


irisflower02 said...

Ginger, I think you will end up absolutely loving the gym!  It's great that you'll be going with Steven...that will help the feelings of having everyone looking at you.  I had them...I still have them...and I go alone every time I go.  I think I agree with you about the Curves thing.  I am much less intimidated at the regular gym than I ever would have been at Curves.  As it is now, I am in and out of the gym before who I call "the skinny moms" all come in with their tiny bodies and cute leotards.  I could care less what the sweaty he-man guys in sweatpants think of the chubby girl trying to work out...but the opinion of the skinny moms, for some reason, really gets to me.  I'm psyched for you that you will have a trainer!  I had one free session with one when I started because it came with my Healthy Inspirations program, but past that I've been on my own.  I do have a friend who has helped me set up a plan, but it still would be nice to have someone to guide me every time I go.  Well, get feeling better and hang in're awesome! :-)

vickyzoo said...

You know.. those feelings about the petite little thing are totally normal and I would think anyone who has ever had to deal with being next to someone who physically stomps over us knows how that feels. Been there. But really... Don't beat yourself up over the small stuff and stuff you can't avoid like not having money for the healthier foods at this point. Being aware of what you are doing is much better than before right?
You just keep plugging. I think you are doing awesome. Get where you want to be one day, one step at a time.

derasta said...

I hope you feel better soon. You know, I can understand your feelings about feeling intimidated by your sisters daughter in law...just keep reminding yourself how far you've come're doing a great job!

ivorygrace7 said...

* I'm beginning to think the world doesn't look at me with half the judgment I suspect it does.  But my perception is way off kilter and I just assume that because some do, all do.  It's not fair but it's how I came to be such a reclusive hermit that barely steps outside my house.*

Yes...I use to be a hermit, and I truly thought that people wouldn't like me simply because of my weight!  Now I have a more reasonable view though...and friends...and am not so much of a recluse, lol!