After about five days of rain we finally got a respite from the weather. This meant going to the gym. After missing so many day in a row I was a little worried that I would have a hard time, but everything worked out well.
I did weigh in - expecting to see a gain and fully prepared to use that as motivation to keep going. I saw it. I'm motivated.
My favorite Roseanne eppy is on Nick at Nite. It's the PMS episode. I probably find this funnier than the men in my life who have to live with it. They told me that I'm no where near as bad, but my head might have rotated 360 degrees that particular day and influenced their answer.
I was a bad girl yesterday and didn't do the workout at home like I planned. I finally got on a roll with My Immortal. I'm up to about 15,000 words. I'm adding things that weren't in the screenplay, but as I'm flushing the story out I'm discovering a lot of new interesting things. In fact, I'm going to edit something into the already existing installments. If anyone is reading along drop me a comment. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I really feel out of my element after having concentrated on screenplays the last few years.
Encouragement or even criticism is welcome.
Today on Oprah Maurice Benard, star of General Hospital, talked frankly about having bipolar disorder. I was just so proud of him, it took a lot of courage to come forth like that.
His experiences were a lot like Daniel's experience. I don't like to talk about what it was like before he was medicated, because I don't want anyone to think poorly of him. His disorder wasn't who he was, and all the things he did or said were beyond his control. It wasn't until he was medicated that he was able to be who he really was and who God intended him to be.
What struck memost about Maurice's confessions is how that would have helped us had I seen it before Daniel was diagnosed. The biggest problem we had for a long time was that we just didn't know anything was wrong.
He came from an abusive household, he grew up living a very hard life around violent people, for him to become an abuser was almost expected. I never would have thought for a moment that he had anything chemically wrong with him.
Although it certainly was confusing trying to reconcile his two sides as the same person. In Maurice's interview he said he told his father he was the devil. This struck such a chord of familiarity with me. I could swear sometimes when I looked at him during his manic rages that I was looking straight at the devil.
Daniel even called that side of himself his "shadow". I can distinctly remember coming home from work wondering if the same person I left would be the same one I'd come home to.
God, it was scary. It was really scary. There were threats, insults, emotional and physical abuse. Why I stayed and took it is another installment altogether, but once I realized he was acting that way because of a chemical imbalance I was glad I did. Because underneath he was truly a remarkable, loving, generous human being.
It was such a tragedy that no one could see it because of his illness.
My son has a friend who has the same issues, who needs to take meds and go to therapy and fights both. There's such a stigma that comes with mental illness, as if it's a character flaw. And it's so not.
I want to share this brave interview and also a link for somewhere you can go if you or someone you love displays the symptoms of this horrible disease. Diagnosing and treating the problem saved Dan, and to honor his life I will use it as an example to help others. It's the most loving gift I can give to him. I know he would want to reach out to others.
Interview with Maurice Benard, "Sonny" from General Hospital:
http://video-creation.net/MBO_1.WMV
http://www.video-creation.net/MBO_2.WMV
Interview with Daniel, December 2002
Amarillo Globe-News: Texas News: Program provides help for mentally ill offenders 12/07/02
A link for resources and more information:
Depression, Bi-Polar Syndrome and Postpartum Psychosis Resources
Tip of the Day: HOLIDAY STRATEGY, PART III. Pass on seconds. This will probably be the hardest for me, but this is where moderation comes in. More than likely the holiday table will be overrun with goodies. Sample a little bit of each and eat till your satisfied. Leftovers taste better the next day anyways.
Stats:
Calories: 1861
Fat: 27%
Sat. Fat: 6%
Fiber: 29g
Calcium: 1523mg
Sodium: 4362mg
Water: 72oz
Exercise: 30 mins stationary bike
30 crunches, two sets of 15
5 minutes eliptical trainer
30 mins weight training/legs
DAILY AFFIRMATION: Acceptance of others begins first with ourselves.
2 comments:
My Immortal is getting better by the day!! Can't wait to see where Adele is headed!!!
I'm glad you shared the info and links about bipolar disorder, I know it was hard for you.
Jeff
I had suffered with depression for years before I finally did something about it and went for help. (and sometimes it's still a struggle) It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do because I felt like such a failure having to resort to a "pill" just to feel normal. There IS such a stigma surrounding mental illness. People who haven't had their lives affected by it have no idea what it can be like. I used to just want to scream at people when they would tell me just to (basically) suck it up and get over it. I couldn't...I wasn't physically able to. That just lead to more depression and it became a vicious circle. Thanks for sharing this info...more people need to hear this message! *HUGS* Nancy :-)
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