Friday, October 22, 2004

Dreams, Goals and Observations

Radio @ AOL : Classic Rock

Jeannie rightly asked me where was Journey in my little 80s lovefest yesterday.  Of course it wouldn't be the 80s without Journey.  But see, the thing is, I love them so much I am giving them a day all to themselves.

It was a Journey day today anyway.  I won a TShirt this morning off Ebay - a vintage Frontiers tour tshirt.  In size Large.  I may not can wear it now, but I'm gunna.  And when I do, I'm going to get it signed by every last member of the band. 

I don't know how I'm going to make this happen - I guess it's like I make anything happen.  A little creativity and my hard head generally does the trick.


Today I watched I Lost It on Discovery Channel  DHC :: Episode :: JeAnne & Karl and it dawned on me that losing weight will really make me feel fearless.  If I can accomplish that, I can accomplish anything.  And because I never did, subsequently I always doubted my ability to see anything through. 

Each day is a new battle.  Fortunately I have the hutspah to do this.  Every day is just confirmation of what I always had.  A little like Dorothy.

There's no place like thin... there's no place like thin...


I also realized there are still some really good men in the world.  JeAnne met her husband online like I met my Steven, and like JeAnne, we lucked out and got men who did not let the weight deter them from knowing who we are and loving us as is, no changes required.  And I thought I had gotten the only one.  I was just about to perform scientific experiments on the boy to find out how he turned out so abby normal.

Because throughout my life, this has not been the norm.  I can remember talking to guys on the phone, being set up by friends or "blind" dates, and themthinking I absolutely rock - telling me that looks don't matter, it's the personality that counts, and then meeting them and them walking out on me or pretending that it wasn't even them in the first place.

Or there were the guys who would use me to sleep with when the pretty girls they actually took out on dates wouldn't put out.  The Fat Girl - good enough to use, but not good enough to date. 

And I never could understand it.  I mean, I knew I was overweight but I never really thought I was all that hideous looking.  There are things I would change in addition to the weight, like get my teeth fixed, but that's about it.  I'm fully prepared for full fledge hottie-ness as soon as I hit goal weight. 

I was fortunate enough to find a man who thought I was already a hottie without losing one ounce. 


So I gave this some thought as I watched these stories about heavy women meeting men online and getting their hearts crushed.  Most cases the woman made the mistake of misleading the guy, which kind of puts a spin on whether or not he's superficial - he just might be really ticked someone would lie to him.  And who could blame him?  I know I wouldn't want to be lied to. 

However there are definite men out there who pursue the hotties with zeal - and it's those guys I used to let control my self esteem.  I just realized today (I'm not dumb, just slow learnin') that their issue about my weight was exactly that - their issue.

Men who deliberately go after the pretty girls and will base their romances on superficial attributes are doing it because of THEIR low self esteem.  Think about it, the guys who go around and spout off about bagging this hot babe or that, and that's ALL they think about, need a trophy to validate their worthiness to the world.

Just figuring this out today made me kinda feel sorry for them.



Now this isn't to say that physical attraction isn't a valid romantic foundation.  And I also realize that men are wired a bit different than women, and rely more on the visual than the emotional.  That's not what I am talking about.  I'm talking about that loud talking weiner at the end of the bar talking about every hot babe in the joint as if he has the ability to be with them all, never sparing the unnattractive girls a second glance.

Shallow Hal, anyone?


As a woman I never really understood this.  I mean, I like to look at good looking people too, but it's not a requirement for me.  Which brings us back to my Journey obsession.  Steve Perry is a rather unique looking individual - but to me he's gorgeous.  I see more than the outside, and the more I like the inside the better the outside appeals.   To me, Steve Perry IS Brad Pitt. 

Some of my recent crushes are people like Hal Sparks, who does commentary on the I Love the 70s, 80s, and 90s on VH1.  Why do I like him?  Because he's funny.  Funny is HUGE with me. 

I was all about Bob the Bachelor too.  Why?  Funny.  Steve Martin.  Eddie Izzard even.  Put on a dress, I don't care.  Just make me laugh, darnit.

I never thought Johnny Depp was a hottie until Pirates of the Caribbean, but totally crushed on Captain Jack Sparrow because he made me laugh.  I love funny, which is one of the main reasons I fell totally in love with Steven.  He brought the funny to my life when I was least able to laugh.


As for Steven, he totally crushes on the babes.  On his list is Denise Richards, Beyonce Knowles, Reese Witherspoon and Sarah Brown.  These are hot women.  I can't really fault him for appreciating their beauty.

But what really impresses me about Steven is the stronger the woman, the more he admires her.  We recently went to see Taxi in the theater, and while my kiddoes were drooling over super model Gisele Bundchen, Steven was more impressed with Queen Latifah. 

I like humor, he likes strength.  Is it any wonder we are such a perfect match?


I have to say I'm pretty lucky to have found him.  It's not always perfect but I think we have a really strong foundation.  I'm glad I found a man secure enough that he didn't need perfection in me to validate himself.

Unfortunately, I don't know if he cansay the same about me.  I wear my low self esteem just a little more prominantly than he does.  I think it's a lot better now than it used to be.


I found out today when I do 30 minutes on the exercise bike puts my activity percentage of calories burned at 10%.  I figure I'll do a gradual step method to increase the exercise, and that should help keep the weight loss in motion.


I'm not going to step down the eating regimen.  I don't want to go back to where I was, and if I "take a break" from it I'll never come back.  I just want to be able to interject the not so great stuff here and there.  Considering I can make it fit in my dietary plan, and I wouldn't if I couldn't, I think I'm on the right track.  Which brings me to


Tip of the Day:   FAST FOOD, FRIEND OR FOE? We live in a fast paced world.  Sometimes it's going to be easier to grab something out than make something at home.  Does this have to mean the end of your commitment?  Not necessarily. 

Eating out is permissable if you just know how to make an informed decision.  Can you eat the double whopper with cheese and bacon, a king size fry and a chocolate shake?  Um, no.  But you can fit many fast food items into your meal plan.  Fast Food Restaurants have made great strides to provide a menu that is a healthy alternative to the high calorie high fat fare.  Make sure you grab a Nutrition Information Package where ever you go (or look them up online BEFORE you go out, that way you are always conscious and in control of your eating) and find something that works for your plan.  Holding fattening condiments or cheeses can help at the burger joints, and Taco Bell has a great fresco alternative (no cheese and sauce) to several of their standard menu items can help you enjoy the convenience and the luxury of eating out "just like a normal person".

Cuz let's face it, not a wholelot of "normal" people wolf down that double whopper with cheese and bacon, fries and a shake. 

To be a thin person, one must eat like a thin person.


Workout Songs: Okay I told you that it was a Journey Day.  I rocked out to several Journey songs as I rode 30 minutes again today. 

Any Way You Want It
Separate Ways, Worlds Apart
Message of Love
After the Fall
Where Were You
Lovin You is Easy
Just the Same Way

There are so many Journey songs I love (and Steve Perry solo songs) that I have to do a continuation into another workout.

How tedious.  Not.  :)


Calories: 2042
Fat: 27%
Sat. Fat: 11%
Water: 72oz
Exercise: 30 mins on stationary bike

DAILY AFFIRMATION: I have the ability to do anything I set my mind to. 



dreamkeepersv said...

I really should post more on her journal shouldn't I?

dreamkeepersv said...

In all seriousness Everyone out there in J land should know that I feel that I am the lucky one.  Ginger found a boy and is slowly (with much resistance at times I might add) molding him into a man.  Strong women good.  Grunt

irisflower02 said...

"I'm fully prepared for full fledge hottie-ness as soon as I hit goal weight."

Girl, you already are at full fledged hottie-ness!  LOL  How much more do you think all those poor shallow men out ther can take?!?  LOL ROFLMBO

But I do know what you're saying...I've had it happen to me as well, more times than I care to remember.  And yes, you are very blessed to have your Steven...he sure seems to be quite the prize!  Does he have any brothers?!??  (unmarried of course!!!)  LOL

Ok, I'm in a goofy mood this usual?!?? Your journal really made me smile today...and it's good to see you feeling less stressed and smiling too!

Pressing on to some full fledged hottie-ness of my own!  Wooohoooo!  :-)

sjburgess51 said...

Gin said, "ALL they think about, need a trophy to validate their worthiness to the world".
 Gin, that is so true AND to make things worse, the poor trophy girls come to me with every little blemish thinking that he's going to dump her if she's not perfect.
These gals will work out 2 hours everyday in our "Premier" fitness compound,  plastic surgery, botox, Rembrandt veneers for their teeth, from me they get facials, bikini waxes, brow wax, & eye treatments every 2 weeks (makes me happy cause I'm making money) and they tell me about how stressed they are trying to stay young and #1 in "his" life. (makes me sad cause they are working too hard for worthless scoundrels)
 I'm no longer jealous of the little thin blondes, they certainly are making a career of trying to keep the love of a man that is probably doesn't love them anyway.  Sad.
 Oh!  Before I go, you will certainly need someone to hold your T-shirt in place while Steve Perry signs it.... I am officially applying for that job now!  ;)
Love ya!  

derasta said...

I met my husband online in 1998, I didn't have a weight problem at the time...I've gained weight over the years and he loves me just the's sad when someone just judges you on appearances alone...most of the people I know and love the most have some sort of weight issue going on...

dolcecaramela05 said...

I just gotta say that your reflections are very thought provoking for me. You are right every day is a new battle. Thank you :-) you are awesome!


dolcecaramela05 said...

what do you mean daily food regimine, what kinds of things are you doing in regards to your eating habits?

journey2sarah said...

ROCKING COMMENT FROM BURGE TODAY!  Could not agree with you more.  They do not even love them (these men).  I believe many of the internet men are addicted to fantasy.  They can never be happy no matter who was presented to them.  Ever look at them????!  (The particular "weiners"<----Ginger's term LOL! ??)  Not exactly beach material.  And they want skinny chicks next to them because they never bother to work at their own puny physiques.  An anorexic wife makes them look bulked up (in comparison).  Bastards... yes I said it.  They are helping the "Barbie-doll" girls become steeped in self-loathing/anorexia.  We girls all need to wake up and insist if they want us to be "perfect"  they should be perfect--haul their own buts to the gym and look like Mr. muscles!