Jeannie rightly asked me where was Journey in my little 80s lovefest yesterday. Of course it wouldn't be the 80s without Journey. But see, the thing is, I love them so much I am giving them a day all to themselves.
It was a Journey day today anyway. I won a TShirt this morning off Ebay - a vintage Frontiers tour tshirt. In size Large. I may not can wear it now, but I'm gunna. And when I do, I'm going to get it signed by every last member of the band.
I don't know how I'm going to make this happen - I guess it's like I make anything happen. A little creativity and my hard head generally does the trick.
Today I watched I Lost It on Discovery Channel DHC :: Episode :: JeAnne & Karl and it dawned on me that losing weight will really make me feel fearless. If I can accomplish that, I can accomplish anything. And because I never did, subsequently I always doubted my ability to see anything through.
Each day is a new battle. Fortunately I have the hutspah to do this. Every day is just confirmation of what I always had. A little like Dorothy.
There's no place like thin... there's no place like thin...
I also realized there are still some really good men in the world. JeAnne met her husband online like I met my Steven, and like JeAnne, we lucked out and got men who did not let the weight deter them from knowing who we are and loving us as is, no changes required. And I thought I had gotten the only one. I was just about to perform scientific experiments on the boy to find out how he turned out so abby normal.
Because throughout my life, this has not been the norm. I can remember talking to guys on the phone, being set up by friends or "blind" dates, and themthinking I absolutely rock - telling me that looks don't matter, it's the personality that counts, and then meeting them and them walking out on me or pretending that it wasn't even them in the first place.
Or there were the guys who would use me to sleep with when the pretty girls they actually took out on dates wouldn't put out. The Fat Girl - good enough to use, but not good enough to date.
And I never could understand it. I mean, I knew I was overweight but I never really thought I was all that hideous looking. There are things I would change in addition to the weight, like get my teeth fixed, but that's about it. I'm fully prepared for full fledge hottie-ness as soon as I hit goal weight.
I was fortunate enough to find a man who thought I was already a hottie without losing one ounce.
So I gave this some thought as I watched these stories about heavy women meeting men online and getting their hearts crushed. Most cases the woman made the mistake of misleading the guy, which kind of puts a spin on whether or not he's superficial - he just might be really ticked someone would lie to him. And who could blame him? I know I wouldn't want to be lied to.
However there are definite men out there who pursue the hotties with zeal - and it's those guys I used to let control my self esteem. I just realized today (I'm not dumb, just slow learnin') that their issue about my weight was exactly that - their issue.
Men who deliberately go after the pretty girls and will base their romances on superficial attributes are doing it because of THEIR low self esteem. Think about it, the guys who go around and spout off about bagging this hot babe or that, and that's ALL they think about, need a trophy to validate their worthiness to the world.
Just figuring this out today made me kinda feel sorry for them.
Now this isn't to say that physical attraction isn't a valid romantic foundation. And I also realize that men are wired a bit different than women, and rely more on the visual than the emotional. That's not what I am talking about. I'm talking about that loud talking weiner at the end of the bar talking about every hot babe in the joint as if he has the ability to be with them all, never sparing the unnattractive girls a second glance.
Shallow Hal, anyone?
As a woman I never really understood this. I mean, I like to look at good looking people too, but it's not a requirement for me. Which brings us back to my Journey obsession. Steve Perry is a rather unique looking individual - but to me he's gorgeous. I see more than the outside, and the more I like the inside the better the outside appeals. To me, Steve Perry IS Brad Pitt.
Some of my recent crushes are people like Hal Sparks, who does commentary on the I Love the 70s, 80s, and 90s on VH1. Why do I like him? Because he's funny. Funny is HUGE with me.
I was all about Bob the Bachelor too. Why? Funny. Steve Martin. Eddie Izzard even. Put on a dress, I don't care. Just make me laugh, darnit.
I never thought Johnny Depp was a hottie until Pirates of the Caribbean, but totally crushed on Captain Jack Sparrow because he made me laugh. I love funny, which is one of the main reasons I fell totally in love with Steven. He brought the funny to my life when I was least able to laugh.
As for Steven, he totally crushes on the babes. On his list is Denise Richards, Beyonce Knowles, Reese Witherspoon and Sarah Brown. These are hot women. I can't really fault him for appreciating their beauty.
But what really impresses me about Steven is the stronger the woman, the more he admires her. We recently went to see Taxi in the theater, and while my kiddoes were drooling over super model Gisele Bundchen, Steven was more impressed with Queen Latifah.
I like humor, he likes strength. Is it any wonder we are such a perfect match?
I have to say I'm pretty lucky to have found him. It's not always perfect but I think we have a really strong foundation. I'm glad I found a man secure enough that he didn't need perfection in me to validate himself.
Unfortunately, I don't know if he cansay the same about me. I wear my low self esteem just a little more prominantly than he does. I think it's a lot better now than it used to be.
I found out today when I do 30 minutes on the exercise bike puts my activity percentage of calories burned at 10%. I figure I'll do a gradual step method to increase the exercise, and that should help keep the weight loss in motion.
I'm not going to step down the eating regimen. I don't want to go back to where I was, and if I "take a break" from it I'll never come back. I just want to be able to interject the not so great stuff here and there. Considering I can make it fit in my dietary plan, and I wouldn't if I couldn't, I think I'm on the right track. Which brings me to
Tip of the Day: FAST FOOD, FRIEND OR FOE? We live in a fast paced world. Sometimes it's going to be easier to grab something out than make something at home. Does this have to mean the end of your commitment? Not necessarily.
Eating out is permissable if you just know how to make an informed decision. Can you eat the double whopper with cheese and bacon, a king size fry and a chocolate shake? Um, no. But you can fit many fast food items into your meal plan. Fast Food Restaurants have made great strides to provide a menu that is a healthy alternative to the high calorie high fat fare. Make sure you grab a Nutrition Information Package where ever you go (or look them up online BEFORE you go out, that way you are always conscious and in control of your eating) and find something that works for your plan. Holding fattening condiments or cheeses can help at the burger joints, and Taco Bell has a great fresco alternative (no cheese and sauce) to several of their standard menu items can help you enjoy the convenience and the luxury of eating out "just like a normal person".
Cuz let's face it, not a wholelot of "normal" people wolf down that double whopper with cheese and bacon, fries and a shake.
To be a thin person, one must eat like a thin person.
Workout Songs: Okay I told you that it was a Journey Day. I rocked out to several Journey songs as I rode 30 minutes again today.
Any Way You Want It
Separate Ways, Worlds Apart
Message of Love
After the Fall
Where Were You
Lovin You is Easy
Just the Same Way
There are so many Journey songs I love (and Steve Perry solo songs) that I have to do a continuation into another workout.
How tedious. Not. :)
Sat. Fat: 11%
Exercise: 30 mins on stationary bike
DAILY AFFIRMATION: I have the ability to do anything I set my mind to.