Alright. I admit it. I was wrong.
I need to address the sugar addiction. Period. I feed my addiction to make me feel good and it really does have a physical effect, and it's no different than if I were using alcohol or illegal substances.
Here's the skinny. When I was in 3rd grade I passed out in my school cafeteria. My mother takes me to a doctor (this was mid 70s) and he diagnoses me with hypoglycemia. He prescribes a Coke and a Hershey chocolate bar for whenever I have my "episodes".
Years go by and I have these episodes off and on. I learn from different new medical information that things like orange juice or peanut butter or even cheese are better food choices to stabilize my blood sugar, but the thing that really works is the soda. So without fail, thoughout my life, I've used sodas to help me "feel better".
I've been tested endlessly for diabetes, but never was diagnosed, and it always appeared the hypoglycemia was "reactive", meaning it was dependent upon what I ate or drank (or didn't). But I read today that hypoglycemia is a precursor to diabetes, so I figure it's time now to put the breaks on.
I also found out so many of the things I've always chalked up to personality quirks (or disorders) could be attributed right back to the hypoglycemia. Things like moodiness, things like depression, things like being overly emotional, I always attributed to severe PMS (which also has a connection to hypoglycemia, apparently). Things like being tired, fuzzy headed, forgetful or uninspired to finish much of anything I start I always attributed to age or my weight or just my own character failings - but these too can be tied to hypoglycemia.
I told Steven it was the best and worst news of my life. It's the best in that I can actually work to get better. It's the worst in that it means I'm going to have to deal with the deprivation issue finally rather than be a slave to it any long. I'm honestly very scared to do this. But I'm going to feel the fear and do it anyway.
So as I choke down my unsweetened oatmeal (and furiously scribble Stevia or Equal down on my grocery list), I admit to everyone and myself that I'm ready to get real about my sugar addiction.
I'm scared, and I cannot promise I'll be perfect. But I do know I want to feel better, and if this is the way to do it, then I guess I have to do what ultimately has to be done. I've ordered low blood sugar and sugar free cookbooks to help make the transition easier.
I hear you all cheering. I sure hope it gets easier, that's all I can say.