Sunday, April 3, 2005

Letters from Boot Camp, day 3

Did good on calories today even going to the new ice cream store, Cold Stones.  I had their sinless sweet cream ice cream (fat free, sugar free) with strawberries and bananas.  It was tasty and guilt free.  I love it when those two collide like that.

I went to the gym today.  Did 30 mins of weight training on my chest/shoulders, 30 mins on the bike, 50 crunches and then another mile lap around the park.  I was really surprised that I was able to ride the full 30 as sore as I was, but I managed to push on through the pain.

I went to Walmart for a beach towel and flip flops for the pool.  They light up... I nearly squealed like a little girl.  I needed something to help me deal with the gnawing terror in the pit of my stomach at the swimming lessons.

Yes, I admit it.  I'm a weinie.  I know in my logical, rational mind that there is nothing to fear.  I know that I should embrace this new experience and all the doors it will open.

But all I can think of is a paper bag to breathe into when I think of being in that water.

When I was a kid my dad was way older than my mom (by about 30 years) and my mom never learned any of those fun kid things like riding bikes or climbing trees or swimming - so naturally I didn't either.  The only reason I learned to ride a bike was I got on a bike and taught myself.

I think that's where my fierce independence comes from. 

When it came to swimming I let a friend try to teach me at age 14.  Turns out she didn't believe me when I said I couldn't swim and left me out in the middle of the deep end, thrashing around and basically drowning long enough to instill a very deep seated fear of the water/drowing and death.

Since then I haven't really trusted anyone enough to teach me.  I can't give up that control.  So the thought I'm going to do that again now terrifies me.  Seriously. 

But I'm gonna do it.  Feel the fear and do it anyway, right?

One more day....

Can any of you hear my knees knocking??

 

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are doing great!! I am very proud of you for facing your fear and doing what you need to do. You are going to feel a wonderful sense of accomplishment when you are on your vacation!
Keep up the great work!
http://journals.aol.com/patchmom/WeightLossJournal/
Steph

Anonymous said...

You can do it!  I SO want to follow in your...uh...footsteps?  How about..."follow in the wake of your new experience"...okay?  Good luck; have fun!  JAE  

Anonymous said...

OH MY! Soul sister. I lost 70 pounds and bought 6 bathing suits. I look great, but the problem is my secret is going to come out. Before I had an excuse (many) not to swim. I didn't own a bathing suit, I don't like cold water etc. The fact is I can't swim! My kids don't know this and neither does my friends or husband. I sink like a rock. Do they make water wings in adult sizes. My 6 year old swims better than me.  I have gotten brave enough to dip my feet in a pool and sit by the steps. So this summer will be different. I thought of asking a friend to teach me at my aunts pool, in private. I want to go to the beach but that frightens me even more. I can't even put my toe into the water without thinking jaws is going to come up and eat me.  I am getting dizzy thinking about it.

Lori