Saturday, August 28, 2004

A Day of Rest. Right

Over the last couple days a screenwriting buddy of mine took My Immortal and slashed it to shreds.  He's sending me my newly mashed ego in segments.  Yesterday I took it on the chin.  Today I'm bleeding a little.  Fortunately he peppers it with, "I know you're better than this", but it still reads: This story blows.

And this after I took some of his suggestions and revamped (haha, little pun for you there) the entire draft.  I trimmed it from a fat 119 pages to a lean and mean 105, punching up some of the scenes for more umph.  I was so proud of it I was ready to send it off to one of the film makers I told you I met in Vegas. 

His reality has no place in my writing high. 

I also learned why weight and wait are the same word separated by complicated spelling.  I'm holding steady at 279, and this time I lost no inches.  I don't think it's another plateau, I think it's very much related to my least favorite letters in the alphabet - PMS.

Which brings me to the other lesson I learned today.  Giving in to the fatigue I vegged on the couch watching Beaches.  BIG MISTAKE.  I haven't sobbed that hard at a movie - especially a movie I've seen at least a dozen times - ever.

The reason it hit me harder this time than ever before is this is the first time I've watched it since Dan passed away.  CC losing her best friend threw into sharp focus that I lost mine too.  I have my best friend Jeff of 24 years, I also consider Steven my best friend in addition to my husband - but Dan was also my best friend for many years.  I grew up with him.

As I sat there crying, I wondered why this was still so hard.  It's been nearly a year but sometimes the pain is as fresh as if it had happened yesterday.  It still hurts so much, and just doesn't seem fair that he's not here with us.  Sometimes I liken it to the fact he was so young, but the fact is I'd still feel that way even if he had been 90. 

Sometimes I think it's because I knew him longer than any other person I've lost.  I knew my dad 11 years.  I knew my neice 2 years.  I knew Brandon 9 days.  With Dan I knew him 16 years.  And I think the longer you know someone you're close to there's a certain spiritual meshing that goes on.  When they're gone, you definitely feel the void.  And watching a movie we'd watched many times, about thekind of life long friends that we were, starring one of his favorite entertainers (Bette), hearing a song that was a tribute to those quiet folks in our lives who support us fully and let us have all the glory of who they've helped create us to be - was one of those moments.

So, I'm wrecked.  I'm going to take a nap. 

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