I don't like to wait for anything. Most of you probably know this from the big fuss I make that the weight loss isn't coming fast enough for me. I generally don't have a lot of patience "in the moment" as I wait for the things I want. I want what I want when I want it. This is spoken like a true "Me" generation baby who hit her stride in the wonderful 80s.
What's particularly troublesome is I have seem to have only two speeds in this arena. I'm either possessed and obsessed trying to make it happen NOW, or I'm putting it off and bowing to the Procrastinating gods as I blissfully bury my head in the sand and consider it so far in the future it's a non issue.
Case in point.
My mother recently rented a house from my same landlord. Turns out, they have a new pet deposit policy that went into effect five months after we moved in. Instead of the one time non refundable deposit we had to make, she would have to tack on an additional $50 per month in order to have a pet.
Thankfully we were protected by our lease when this change took place, but in January our lease is up and we'll have to sign another one. And I don't want to have to pay $50 extra per month to have a pet.
Until this unexpected turn of events, I was perfectly happy staying here until we actually bought a home of our own. There are several things that we need to do before we can accomplish this (pay off some debt, save up a down payment, improve our credit scores, etc), and when we moved in it was my total intention to spend the year doing that. Well here it is, 7 months later, and I haven't done squat.
Head in sand mode.
Chatting with my best friend last night who happens to have also been a Realtor, he actually enlightened me that I *could* get into a house without all the work and time I thought I needed - which excited me to no end. Not only could I get into a house, but I could get into a nice house. Instead of throwing money away in rent, I could be investing it into a house and my credit would be positively affected.
So all excited I slammed into the bedroom, scaring a still sleepy Steven half to death, and exclaim that we were going to put the pedal to the metal and work like dogs to be able to not only move out in January, but move into a home. We could trim the bills, pay some stuff off, and just make a concentrated effort to tackle this task.
Hello possessed-obsessed-have to make it happen NOW mode.
I even considered taking on a second job. I was a woman on a mission.
Then Steven had to take his mean ol pin and pop my fragil wil balloon and remind me that one of the things we had to pay off was impossible to pay in just five months. Maybe a year, he said. But not five months.
So here I am, my psyche stuck in between two completely opposing gears and I can tell you. It sucks.
Winston and I went for our walk this morning and all I could do was look at all the houses and think - Geez, am I ever going to be able to own one of these? I was working and reworking possible solutions in my head in between the resolution I would just have to wait and be patient.
Ever since I was 18 I always felt there was time for all this... now as 35 looms large in the near future, I wonder what the heck I was waiting for.
Kind of like the weight.
So I guess it's just going to be a matter of hurry up and wait for this matter as well. Do what it is I know I need to do and know that in the end, it will take care of itself.
I just have to learn a new gear. The slow and steady wins the race gear. The enjoy where you are on the way to where you're going gear. The totally un-Ginger like gear.
It's a lot easier to get to that gear in the weight loss, because I'm already well engrossed in the journey. All I have to do is look at old photos or put on the smaller clothes and I know I can make it through another day. All the good days add up and I see the improvement. I see myself becoming who it is I want to be.
So I know if I just make the small changes slowly and methodically, the financial growth will come as well.
I just have to wait.
<sigh>
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