Monday, May 9, 2005

Update Post-Nap

Thanks to everyone who posted comments.  I probably shouldn't have posted in the mood I was in, but I figure this journal cannot be censored to write "just when I feel like it".  I'm doing this without a filter.  It's the only way I can face myself honestly.

And I do face myself honestly.

I prefaced my whole rant about what happened with Steven's "friend" that I have no boundaries.  This is true.  Which is why I hermitize myself so badly.  It's why I have a hard time getting close to people or trusting people.  I realize that I have a hard time saying no to people or compromising how I feel just so people will like me.  I'm a confirmed people pleaser - it's probably one of my biggest hurdles to overcome.

However.

Having said that, I just want to reiterate that no matter what my actions/problems/issues were, that did not give these people the right to take advantage of us.  That does not excuse their using friendship basically to rip us off without consequences.

If I'm going to develop these boundaries, I have to have the room to be mad at people and just plain say enough is enough.  Which is where I am at.  I'm not that holy that I can just keep turning the other cheek.  I have to say that I'm a good person who deserves to be treated with respect and dignity, and those who do not do not deserve my generosity.

These people have seen the limit of my generosity driving around in a car they did not pay for.  So I do not apologize in calling things the way I see them.  And I don't have much use for people of this low moral fiber.  Just be glad you didn't read my writing blog, which does not have a language censor like AOL.  I wrote that when I was still steaming, cursing mad.  I had calmed down somewhat by morning.

Now, as for the puppy.  We did find a place that will train him. 

The kids were going to stay with family over the weekend, so the house was going to be empty.  The "friend" doesn't have a key, but I'm not all that convinced that something like that would stop them.  I'm beginning to think he trashed the cars for the insurance money.  I'm done giving them the benefit of the doubt.  I was right to ask Steven if he would pay it off or if he'd take it and run, so we're going with my gut from now on. 

The problem is me trusting my gut.  I am the exact opposite of Steven in that I'm extremely introverted and he's extremely extroverted.  I suffer a lot of guilt because of this - like I'm holding him back from doing the things he wants to do.  I just freak out meeting new people.  I think that may be why this trip is so scary to me, because we're going with nineteen other couples, including the big bosses.  We'll head out from here to Dallas in a chartered van, so here's me, Miss Anti-Social being thrust right into a social situation.

Fun, fun.

BUT.

Life is to be experienced, and this is all part of the experience, right?

I just have to remember - boundaries.  It's entirely true that we teach people how to treat us.  So any new people signing on will know that I definitely have boundaries.

Respect or bust.

Steven called and found out we can insure our house up to $50,000 for like $20 a month - so it's a good thing to have even if I'm being overly paranoid about this other couple.

Anyway, going out for a salad with my sister.  I'll throw a John Denver CD in the player.

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy.

Deep breath in...mmmmmmmmm.

Deep breath out....ahhhhhhhhhh.

Life goes on.

2 comments:

wtina50 said...

You know, you DO have the right to be angry at that couple. I know what it is like to be messed over by people you trust. I absolutly hated that comment that cyber person said" Who are you really angry at" what a load of horse crap! You are mad at their stealing fom you it had nothing to do with your Journey issues! Sometimes we gotta just drop the psyco babble and call a spade a spade. These people you dealt with are no more that car theives! They deserve to go to jail. Yes you can go and file a warrent for thier arrest.! Go to you county magestrate  and see what you can do! You deserve justice! Don't let people psyco annalize you! You are doing a great thing for us ( the readers) and for yourself.  You go through several issues that many of us go through and you do deserve the best that life has too give you! Just rember, to every bad moment you have, there will be a better day! I have went through some hard times myself. But it will never stop me from enjoying myself and life! Hang in there!

msnikki0221 said...

I totally agree with that last comment, you should NOT be psycho analyzed (and I'm a psych major) - you have every right to express your feelings!!  Your outlook on life comes from within, but we are social creatures in which others affect our lives.  I'm sorry you had to deal with the "theives".  Just keep in mind what goes around will eventually come around - they'll get their just deserves.  Kudos to you for being able to express your (rightful) feelings!!  Take care!!