So I was trying to think of some other adjectives I could use to describe what I like about myself, but even with an extensive vocabulary there were some words I didn't feel that applied to me.
I thought, what better way to do this than systematically. I'd go down the alphabet and work through words that way. I got through the As okay but when I got to B I sort of stumbled over words like beautiful and brave.
Attractive didn't bother me, beautiful kind of stuck in my throat.
And brave - well I don't feel brave on most days.
As many of you know I am a Hal Sparks fan. I think he's an extraordinary human being and he's right up there on the list of people I want to meet, along with Steve Perry, Oprah Winfrey, Constantine Maroulis and Bruce Willis. Well, Mr. Sparks is going to be doing stand up in NYC at the end of this month and in San Francisco at the beginning of next month.
My first thought was if I sold my screenplay, then I'd go to NYC to meet him. Then the more excited I got (not just about meeting Hal but going to NYC in general) I decided that I'd find a way to make it there, screenplay or no.
Problem is, it's very expensive to go to NYC. My only option was to go alone, and that intimidated me. Frankly, I was scared silly.
So then I started researching San Francisco and that was a lot more reasonable... three weeks ago. Now it's just as pricey as NYC. Again, my only real option is to go alone.
That got me thinking on how many times I've let fear stop me from doing what I really wanted to do. And I'm sick and tired of living with regret. I'm bitterly regretful that I didn't go to LA in January to see Steve Perry. I know if July 1 passes and I'm no where near San Francisco I'll be sick that once more I let myself down.
So. Finances permitting I'm going to go, even if it's alone. I'm going to earn brave and meet Hal in the process.
Am I scared? Of course. But more than that I'm one of those wonderful D words too.
Love thoughts for today:
I love that I am: