Nothing to fear but fear itself

I noticed something yesterday on Wednesday.  I did fine after I got into the water on Tuesday and really felt like it was something I could eventually conquer.  But on Wednesday I started to freak out - thinking that the next steps I would inevitably have to take would be hard and terrifying.  I nearly talked myself right out of going to another lesson.

Then my sister gets a cold.  She's taking the classes with me.  Not because she can't swim, but because she wants to be moral support for me.

So I think, well I'm going to have Steven go.  That'll work.

He had to work late.

Fortunately reason won over paranoia and I went - and this girl, terrified silly of water, dunked completely under (holding my nose, let's not get crazy) at least ten times and conquered floating enough to use the kickboard.

With the help of my instructor (who has the patience of a saint) and my son Jeremiah (and eventually Steven) I used the kickboard to kick my fins from one side of the training pool to the other no less than ten complete times (one there and back). 

I didn't make it to the gym today, but I am not worried at all that I missed anything.  I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooore.  I was in the water 2 whole hours.

So the trick is, don't think about it.

That applied only to the swimming - for the writing I had to totally think about it.  Using the storyboard technique I banged out my rewrite and it's off to the producer as promised.

It's been quite a week of accomplishments.

If I pat myself on the back much longer I may throw my arm out of socket.

But you know what?

I'm worth it.

And so are you. 

Embrace your full potential today.  Because YOU. ARE. AWESOME.

 

Photo Update

Because this has been a week of facing fears, here's the photographic proof.

Measurements:

          Beginning        Present
Bust           54                49
Waist         50                42
Hips           55                49
Thigh          30                25
Middrift     54                44
Girth          67                52

I actually bought this today at Ross - which I never before shopped at because I didn't think they'd have my size.

I can shop at Ross now - this is dangerous territory.

Poor Steven - just as he gets a good job I become a clothes horse. 

Short and sweet tonight guys - I have a script to write. 

Rode 30 mins on the bike
30 mins leg work, weights
60 crunches

No "official" walk but we went to Target and Ross, so I'd say I easily got it in. 

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming

As Dory would say.

Tonight was my first swimming lesson.  I cannot tell you how terrified I was to get into that water.  It's a phobia that runs deep, almost as deep as being in a bathing suit in front of a pool full of people.  :-O

Anyway, I managed to float on my own (while still holding onto the side), learn how to kick, managed to blow some bubbles and dunked my face three times - that was the big thing.

I'm working up to dunking completely under.  :-O

My arms are butter.  I'm sure that despite I wasn't actually "swimming" I worked out pretty good for the hour I was in the pool. 

I did get to the gym today, did everything but the crunches because the mat never was empty. 

I didn't get to the park either but from the way my arms feel, I think I did okay anyway.

We found a new restaurant called Green Jeans, which is an extensive salad bar.  I load up on all the free stuff and just get a tiny bowl of anything that isn't good for me.  It's $5 for all you can eat, which is better than me spending all that money on produce I'll never take the time to cut up for salads at home.  It was a goldmine, needless to say.

Anyway I'm going to hit the hay.  Tomorrow is no less busy, it'll be heavy on writing whereas I've spent a lot of time today doing my "real" job. 

To sum up I'm not officially swimming yet, but closer than I've ever been.

I'm not officially sold yet, but closer than I've ever been.

It's been an eventful few days.

Time to go soak in hot water.

A busy day in store

Monday ended up being my free exercise day because of unforeseen developments (which I will go into later), so I'll do it on Saturday instead.  Which will make me feel better about being bad on Saturday.  And, to be quite honest, I don't want to go to the gym on Mondays anyway - too crowded.  I hate fighting for machines.

Plus I have entirely too much to do.  I heard from the producer yesterday.  Turns out, he had sent it on to his associate.  Guess what?  They both like it.  I have both their notes to finish what will essentially be the "polish" - they say polish but I think enough is changing that another rewrite may in fact be necessary.  Either way, it was an eventful day.

The producer I've been corresponding with was very positive when we spoke on the phone.  He said that I did a great job on the first draft which was so much better than the scripts he normally reads about vampires - (he also went on to say it was better than most scripts turned in for this kind of budget, and said with that alone it should be a "great little flick").  He said I was imaginative and had unique ideas and great dialogue.  He liked that I got him a good product quickly - I think he was shocked by it.  I know I was.

He also said how he could film one particular scene to make it scary, which did make it scary, which is how I'll write it now.  He had some suggestions, we had some discussions and I think the end result will be better than what it is now (which, according to the producer's associate, in the producers hands "we have a movie already".)

All excellent news.  I'm pretty close, y'all.  Now I just have to trust my instincts and bang out this rewrite/polish by Friday like I promised him.  I know I can do it - but it's going to involve a lot of dedication on my part, but I have it in me.

It's my time.

I have some extra work to do with my job and plus there's Boot Camp and swimming lessons - but I'm going to schedule my time to fit it all in. 

I can do this.

Because I deserve this.

BTW, I did good on the food even though I didn't exercise, I found a great salad bar/healthy restaurant I'll tell you about tomorrow.  Right now it's working and writing.  That way my afternoon and evening will be free to exercise and swim.

Swim!  EEEK.

 

Letters from Boot Camp, day 3

Did good on calories today even going to the new ice cream store, Cold Stones.  I had their sinless sweet cream ice cream (fat free, sugar free) with strawberries and bananas.  It was tasty and guilt free.  I love it when those two collide like that.

I went to the gym today.  Did 30 mins of weight training on my chest/shoulders, 30 mins on the bike, 50 crunches and then another mile lap around the park.  I was really surprised that I was able to ride the full 30 as sore as I was, but I managed to push on through the pain.

I went to Walmart for a beach towel and flip flops for the pool.  They light up... I nearly squealed like a little girl.  I needed something to help me deal with the gnawing terror in the pit of my stomach at the swimming lessons.

Yes, I admit it.  I'm a weinie.  I know in my logical, rational mind that there is nothing to fear.  I know that I should embrace this new experience and all the doors it will open.

But all I can think of is a paper bag to breathe into when I think of being in that water.

When I was a kid my dad was way older than my mom (by about 30 years) and my mom never learned any of those fun kid things like riding bikes or climbing trees or swimming - so naturally I didn't either.  The only reason I learned to ride a bike was I got on a bike and taught myself.

I think that's where my fierce independence comes from. 

When it came to swimming I let a friend try to teach me at age 14.  Turns out she didn't believe me when I said I couldn't swim and left me out in the middle of the deep end, thrashing around and basically drowning long enough to instill a very deep seated fear of the water/drowing and death.

Since then I haven't really trusted anyone enough to teach me.  I can't give up that control.  So the thought I'm going to do that again now terrifies me.  Seriously. 

But I'm gonna do it.  Feel the fear and do it anyway, right?

One more day....

Can any of you hear my knees knocking??

 

A more detailed summary

Yesterday was short and sweet because I was FEELIN THE BURN.

It took several hours to kick in but when it did, boy it did.  I needed a pain killer to get to sleep.  It was harsh.

But I felt good.

I don't have a calorie count because I went out to the Golden Corral to eat, but of the calories I could count it was under 500, so I know I didn't blow it yesterday.  I did my basic buffet strategy - eat a big green salad before and then just sample a spoonful or less of "real" food.  The worst thing I ate was a roll. 

This is a big deal because they had all you can eat fried shrimp.  A weakness of mine. 

I had five.  (patting back)

Even my dessert was sugar free blueberry pie. 

I even got away with low calories on my lemonade because they had Minute Maid Lite. 

It was a good night out.

As for the workout, I did 30 mins on the exercise bike.  It surprised me, I didn't think I could hold out.  But I did and it felt great to know I still could.  Apparently I'm not as out of shape as I thought - I went on to do about 40 mins of weight training (I went back down to two sets of 12 reps, I'll work up to more) and 50, yes 50, crunches.  I didn't even feel it until 48.  Then we went to the park and walked about a mile and a quarter to get that full 30 mins in.

Even though my legs (which is what I worked out yesterday) burned a little during some of the exercises, I was so amazed how little I felt the workout I did.  I wondered if I had done it properly.

Then last night, it all kicked in.  I guess my body went through shock at having done the full routine so the pain was a delayed reaction.  Now everything from the waist down hurts. 

It's a good hurt.  I'm just glad I have today off LOL.

But tomorrow it's back to the grind. 

I realized yesterday when I took measurements (which I hadn't done in about two months) that I had gained 9 inches on the five places I measure.  No wonder those clothes were such a tight fit at Penneys.  There was no getting out of exercise yesterday when I saw that.  Even when the pounds don't move I've always managed to lose inches.  I refuse to backslide.  Refuse.

It's a three month boot camp - 40lbs or 4 sizes (which is about 14 inches) - or bust.

Because I deserve it.

*note, I will do the photos here shortly.  I didn't do the body comp either because Abel wasn't in yesterday.  I'll probably correspond the two in the coming week.

Nightly check in

Calories - Check.
Gym - Check.
Walk - Check.

Inches up, pounds up... but I'll get into that more later.  Either way, I am reversing the trend.