I don't wanna go.

I'm just going to be flat out honest.

I don't want to go to this therapy session today.

The thought scares the hell outta me.

This a real test of "feel the fear and do it anyway".

I.

Don't.

Wanna.

I'm not sure why it bothers me so much.  I guess that's a good topic for today.  Figure it out.  Deal with it.  Be honest about it. 

I know they're not there to judge me.  I know it's just my anxiety. 

Knowing and feeling are two very different things.

Right now I feel terrified. 

Seriously.

The only thing I can tell you is that I'm relatively certain I've been packing on weight to buffer me from the outside world.  To hide.

And here I am faced with the fact I can't hide anymore.

Emotionally, anyway.  I've made baby steps not to hide physically, but even that's iffy on some days.  Some days I'd be just as happy never leaving the house.

Today I get to do both, even when what I really want to do is blow it off. 

Or worse.  Put it off.

I hate this.

And did I mention I don't wanna do this?

Ugh.