Standing Outside the Fire

Over the weekend I had a music buffet.  I get in those moods sometimes.  I'll shut off the TV and just blast the music as loud as I can stand it.  As long as I can remember music has played a big part in my development, and there's nothing quite like finding a song that describes your mood, your experiences, or your life to a T. 

I actually have the video to Standing Outside the Fire, and if you've never seen it, you should.  It's about a boy with Downs Syndrome who attempts to run a regular race for his high school.  The core theme of the song is if you don't jump in the middle of the fire you're going to miss truly living.  You can't watch, protected and safe from the sidelines.  The Rose by Bette Midler also touches on this theme with the line, "[It's] the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live".

Though I had heard the song many times, even used SOTF as a theme to one of my projects (I tend to find a musical theme to base my inspiration on), I never really internalized it until yesterday. 

I've been using the excess weight sort of as an asbestos suit to keep me protected from the flames of living.  I don't meet people or go places out of stark fear of being rejected or ridiculed.  I don't chase after my lofty dreams because I'm too afraid that the weight will be what ruins my chances (which I think is really kind of a cop out - maybe I'm not as confident in my abilities as I'd like to think).  Instead I sit on my big rear end and dream of what it would be like if I could shed the pounds and reach all the goals I had planned.

Then I hear the line, "Life is not tried, it's just merely survived if you're standing outside the fire."  And suddenly something clicked.  Here I am so afraid of death that I have been missing my chance to live.  Millions of people with obstacles far worse than I have wake each day with enthusiasm and gusto ready to take the world by the horns.  And there's nothing, absolutely nothing, stopping me from doing the same.

So I think I need to incorporate a goal into my day where in some way I step closer to that fire.  Maybe it will burn my pinky toe clean off, but I'm tired of surviving.

It's time to start living.