Saturday, October 8, 2005

Life on Auto Pilot

Yesterday was my best friend's birthday.  He's 36.  The next birthday this year in my particular circle is my own.

Turning 36 is really no different than turning 35 or 34 or even 30 for that matter.  I started this journey two years ago and I realize - with much frustration - that I'm still in the same spot.

And worse, I feel like time is passing me by.  While I'm hiding in the safety of my own four walls, and my enormous (and getting enormous-er by the minute) body, chances, and experiences and life is passing right by me.

The chatterbox, in other words, is in full effect.  Especially when I realize that my body is now starting to show the excess I've been indulging in lately.  Things are more jiggly than they used to be and I feel like the Pillsbury Dough Girl.

So in effort stop looking behind and worrying what's ahead, I've decided to make each day a cause for celebration.  I have decided to take authority of my day and the course it is going to take. 

There's nothing that is going to happen today that I cannot handle.  Every decision, even the mistakes, will do their part in teaching me one more lesson life has to teach me.

This is my chorus:

This is my day.
It was created especially for me
By a loving and forgiving Father.
It is my day
To be all I can be
And all the things
I have yet to become.
For there has never been
Nor will ever be
Another as perfectly me
As I am right now.
All my lessons
The trials and the pain
Were there to forge in me
A spirit that will not be broken.
Within me I have the power
To take whatever happens
And be stronger for it
Good or bad.
I may not control my circumstances
But I control how I respond
There is nothing that will happen
That I cannot handle
For this is my day.

Here are a few of my resolutions.

Starting Monday (giving myself an opportunity to get on a sane schedule again) I will begin my eating and exercise regimen.  Take each day as it comes and try to keep a decent schedule.

I plan to take things slow, because my back has been giving me grief.

But I also plan to find a doctor this coming week to get not only my back checked out but finally get on an anti-depressant.  Now that my mood is on a more even keel, I want to do what I can to keep it there.

Most importantly I plan to keep my boundaries.  If my family tries to sabotage my efforts, I'm going to have to make a stand.

Why?

Because this is my day.  In it I have the power to be all I know I can be.  I will no longer relinquish that in order to self destruct.

I deserve better.

1 comment:

onetoughcookie43 said...

Wonderful, wonderful chorus and resolution. And look at things this way Ginger, at least you are realizing this at 36.  I am 44 and going through the same types of revelations. I'd rather be doing this closer to 40 than closer to 50, but when you don't make good choices you have to deal with the consequences of the ones that you have made. That is where I am. I have also set boundaries with my own extended family and have many other issues that I need to not just address but eradicate or adjust.

So I join you in your chorus and say that each and every day brings us both closer to where we need and want to be.
All the best!