Something old that's new again...

It looks like the South Beach Diet isn't going to work as a weight management tool.  I just learned my 23-year-old niece just found out she has kidney disease for having too much protein in her body.  She successfully lost 50lbs with the Atkins diet, and I don't think this is coincidental.

So even though the South Beach Diet does allow good carbs, I think I'm going to concentrate on doing a limited calorie diet that includes all food groups.  I'll just make sure my carb choices are smarter.  No processed carbs like white flour, white rice or sugar.  But definitely grains, fruits and dairy will be introduced back into my diet.

It'll be slow, which is kinda depressing.  But I'd rather it be slow and steady than fast with severe complications later.

I'm starting over as of December 1st.

I hate starting over.  You'd think with as much practice as I've had I'd be better at it.

A Brand New Day

Well I went into a full blown confession on my website yesterday in my Diary O' Shame to describe what sins of gluttony I committed on my birthday. :-0

I went to El Chico last night and pigged out.  I mean I scarfed.  It wasn't pretty.  And neither were the scales this morning.  It shows a pound gain, but I know that it's two because I weighed myself earlier in the week and I was down an extra pound.

So today it's clean up my mess of a house and then off to the park we go to walk a few laps while it's still warm weather.  Tomorrow a cold snap is supposed to come through, so no walkies tomorrow.  Today though, today is the chance to redeem my sinful eating binge of yesterday.

I feel surprisingly good.  Normally I beat the hell outta myself after a binge like that, and end up hiding my shame in the nearest pint of Ben & Jerrys.  Today, I feel like I still have control, and I'm excited about going back on phase one. 

Maybe the extra year in my age has matured me.

:-P

 

Happy Birthday to me

Well here we are, 34 years from the day I was born.  Exciting isn't it?

Okay, no not really.  After you hit twenty-one, birthdays just become regular days that just mean people are a little nicer and you may get some gifts. 

My boys are pretty excited about giving me their gifts.  They went shopping last weekend and have been chomping at the bit to give me their presents.  I'm glad to see them excited, in fact that's probably the best gift of all.

It's my first birthday without their dad, my ex husband Dan, since I was seventeen years old.  I got pretty emotional earlier, but I feel a little better now.  I miss him still, but every day presents itself where I can do or say something that makes him a little closer.

*** a bit later***

My children came in as I was writing, and as I said they were very anxious to give me their gifts.  My oldest son gave me a computer game called Cruise Ship Tycoon, knowing I love my Casino Empire and my Mall Tycoon.  My husband gave me a jewelry box with a beautiful gold necklace with three hearts (to symbalize the three men in my life) and my younger son gave me a beautiful amythest ring along with a drawing he made himself.  And, as I said, Daniel touches me through my youngest son who wrote on his card "You're another year closer to Dad". 

I guess that's not so bad :)

 

The South Beach Diet #2

So far we've managed to eat things like chicken cordan bleu, made with lowfat ham and lowfat swiss, and instead of breaded toppings we use parmasan cheese.  It's pretty tasty.  We also made a taco salad, using Taco Bell brand taco seasoning, it has <1 gram of sugar.  Using the 96/4 lean hamburger meat and black beans, it's really very tasty with onions, lowfat cheese and tomatoes.

You're also allowed desserts provided they're low calorie and sugar free.  I've discovered a ravenous passion for sugar free Jell-O, especially the black cherry kind.  For the holidays I always make a lime jello salad that uses cream cheese, 7UP, lime jello and pineapple.  I'm going to make it this year making it as true to the diet as possible (sugar free jello, diet 7UP and lowfat cream cheese).  Losing the pineapple is going to hurt, it's one of my favorite fruits.

As of today I'm able to move on to the more liberal second phase of the diet, incorporating dairy, grain and fruit back in the diet.  I considered staying on phase one long enough to lose a substantial amount of weight (like about 30-40lbs) before the end of the year.  But I wanted to make sure I was getting the proper nutrition too, so I've decided two weeks on and two weeks off should give me the progress I want and the nutrition I need. 

Fortunately, this is the kind of diet that allows this kind of freedom.  It also allows for the days when we do allow ourselves things we shouldn't have (like on my birthday this Friday and Thanksgiving next week), saying that you can always detoxify your body with one to two weeks back on phase one to undo any damage you might have done.

I'll keep you updated how it goes.  We'll know on Saturday, which is weigh in day.  Unfortunately it falls right after my Friday night badness LOL  That will be the true test.

The South Beach Diet #1

A little today on the diet I've chosen to follow to lose my weight.  I never really wanted to go on any low carb diets because I have a passionate love affair for breads, pastas and sweet stuff (Krispy Kreme donuts leave me in ecstatic glee).  I resisted the high protein, high fat Atkins diet, even though someone I personally know lost about 80lbs or more in about 9 months. 

Unfortunately I do have gallbladder problems so I can't eat a high fat diet even if I wanted to.  So when I found the South Beach Diet, it sounded like a more sensible, and more practical (at least for me) diet.

The first two weeks are severely restricted.  You can't eat any sugars, including fruits or fruit juices.  You can't have any bread, pasta, potatoes, etc.  You can eat eggs, even though I'm not a big fan of eggs.  I discovered Egg Beaters not too long ago in one of my many fat restricted diets and I really prefer them over real eggs.  They don't leave the aftertaste regular eggs do. 

You can't have any dairy to speak of but you can have lowfat cheeses, which are one of the rare foods that don't add carbs to make up for fat in their processing.  It's a good thing, I love cheese.

You can have unlimited veggies except for the high carb ones like carrots and corn.  You are limited in how many tomatoes you can consume, but I rarely eat tomatoes so it's not that big of a deal for me.

Standing Outside the Fire

Over the weekend I had a music buffet.  I get in those moods sometimes.  I'll shut off the TV and just blast the music as loud as I can stand it.  As long as I can remember music has played a big part in my development, and there's nothing quite like finding a song that describes your mood, your experiences, or your life to a T. 

I actually have the video to Standing Outside the Fire, and if you've never seen it, you should.  It's about a boy with Downs Syndrome who attempts to run a regular race for his high school.  The core theme of the song is if you don't jump in the middle of the fire you're going to miss truly living.  You can't watch, protected and safe from the sidelines.  The Rose by Bette Midler also touches on this theme with the line, "[It's] the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live".

Though I had heard the song many times, even used SOTF as a theme to one of my projects (I tend to find a musical theme to base my inspiration on), I never really internalized it until yesterday. 

I've been using the excess weight sort of as an asbestos suit to keep me protected from the flames of living.  I don't meet people or go places out of stark fear of being rejected or ridiculed.  I don't chase after my lofty dreams because I'm too afraid that the weight will be what ruins my chances (which I think is really kind of a cop out - maybe I'm not as confident in my abilities as I'd like to think).  Instead I sit on my big rear end and dream of what it would be like if I could shed the pounds and reach all the goals I had planned.

Then I hear the line, "Life is not tried, it's just merely survived if you're standing outside the fire."  And suddenly something clicked.  Here I am so afraid of death that I have been missing my chance to live.  Millions of people with obstacles far worse than I have wake each day with enthusiasm and gusto ready to take the world by the horns.  And there's nothing, absolutely nothing, stopping me from doing the same.

So I think I need to incorporate a goal into my day where in some way I step closer to that fire.  Maybe it will burn my pinky toe clean off, but I'm tired of surviving.

It's time to start living.

Introduction

Greetings.

I'm a little nervous about starting a journal simply because I'm normally not the kind of person who opens up readily.  I created a website regarding a very personal and private issue, but I hadn't yet sent it out to the world.  That's kinda what this journal is for.  Another way to account for myself so that I won't jump off the wagon again.

My main goal is weight loss.  Not a little weight loss.  We're talking another healthy human being weight loss. When I go out in the world, the weight is unavoidable - not just to the people who wish I'd disappear but for me too, wishing at least half of me would disappear.  So I turned to the internet and hid behind the anonymity of cyberspace, finding out I'm really a nice person, an enjoyable character who can entertain and be liked regardless what the outside looks like.

So my main goal is to bring that person outside and get rid of the shy fat girl who keeps her hidden.  My more extensive journal entries that delve a bit deeper will be on the website: A Brand New Me.  Here I'll try to be much more abbreviated.

Another goal I wish to accomplish is to sell my writing.  I've accomplished a lot of writing over the years but never really pursued getting published.  But rather than dream about it I'm going to put it all out there for good or ill and see what happens.

Toward both ends I've started this journal so that I can be accountable.  If you run across this journal and I haven't made an entry telling you what I'm doing, feel free to email me a nice reprimand. 

Also, I'm using the South Beach Diet as my weight management system, and in eleven days I've lost ten pounds.  I'm excited - but nervous.  Ten, twenty or even thirty pounds doesn't seem like much in the face of the weight I want to lose, but, like I will go into detail about in the next few days, I've learned that all we really have is this moment and I have to live that as honestly, bravely and heathily as possible.

So, if you're interested in my journey and wish to return I'll be glad to share it all with you.  If you also have weight loss goals you wish to share and sort of have a buddy system in place, I'm your girl.  Hopefully my entries will motivate someone (most of all me).

So, let me know what you think as we go along. 

I'm ready.  Are you?