Life is what happens when...

You're busy making other plans.

It seems this has been the course of of things for many weeks now.  I'm continuing to roll with the punches.

Last night I was up till 5am with unexpected work due to an emergency from another coworker.  Which means my day today is pretty well full of more work since Michelle is still out of commission.

Which means no writing.  I'm trying my best not to lose hope that I am not blowing my chance to get sold. 

Then I signed on to my college newsgroup last night just to check if a grade had been given on my final essay paper - this was the big 'un, like a big chunk of my grade.  I discovered that in all my confusion on Sunday I posted it in the wrong spot, which then made me panic that I'll miss the grade.  I can't even think about it because it still makes me sick.

Last night I got a bad anxiety attack - one of those weird ones where you feel like something really bad is happening but you're not sure what.  I could speculate until the cows come home, I think it's just everything catching up with me.

Then I went to sleep and had nightmares of being stalked by a serial killer - not fun.

I need a vacation.

But I promised myself yesterday I was going to post every day, no matter what.  This journal has always been my anchor to my weight loss committment.  If I'm going to renew my committment, I'm going to renew it all the way.

I may even go to the park today and get a walk in despite my heavy workload.  I really believe that the reason I'm so overwhelmed is because I'm putting myself dead last on my list of priorities.  I'm taking care of everyone else and not myself. 

Because that's what the committment to health is.  It's learning how to take care of yourself first.  Most women who are overweight are not overweight because of being lazy or weak - it's generally because of a low self esteem.  We do not feel we are worth the time it takes to do the things we need to do to take care of ourselves.  Instead we pour all our energy into taking care of other people.  Go around to all the weight loss journals and you'll see devoted, caring women who spend their time nurturing others. 

So this is my mantra today.  While I'm taking care of everyone else's needs, I'm going to fit in some time to take care of my own.

Because I'm worth it.