Birthdays, the Flu & Internet Idiots (Oh My)

Sorry I didn't get to write last night.  I meant to, but Nyquil had other plans.  I was out like a light.  The achies are a bit better today, they're still there but not as bad.  My throat even feels better.  Hopefully I'll curb the worst of it just having a "chill" day where I sat on the couch under the covers and did nothing.

Yesterday was Steven's birthday.  There was cake, but I don't think I did too badly.  I finally hit caloric goal after a few days.  I haven't wanted to eat, but I also haven't wanted to cook so when we did eat it was takeout stuff.  Bad me, I know.  I resorted to comfort food, I was pretty miserable. 

I am not beating myself up too badly.  In fact, today I woke up with more resolve than I've had in a long time.  (Getting up in the morning rather than the afternoon does that to me.  Hopefully I can stay on this schedule). 

Basically I'm tired of being treated differently for the way that I look.  I'm tired of the things I say being discounted because someone sees how much I weigh. 

Here's the situation.  As you all know I joined Myspace.com to network.  So I've joined tooooooooooooons of groups and recently added a Woman's Fitness group, even though I felt like I didn't belong there yet.  It was the same thing that kept me out of the gym for so long, that people would take one look at me and think, "What are YOU doing here?" 

Anyway so the first question out of the gate on the message board was regarding ephedra.  Some lady asked if anyone had taken it (I had) and had an adverse effect to it (I had).  So I, along with several others, posted my experience.  Along comes The Snark, who posts a one line message, "People need to educate themselves before speaking on a subject."

My feathers were immediately ruffled.  To me, you can't get more "educated" than to live through a real life experience.  But rather than jump immediately down her throat I asked her what she meant.  She went on to say that ephedra wasn't harmful unless you were taking it incorrectly.  She said people who had the side effects either didn't eat, took too many, had underlying medical issues or it interfered with some other medication they were taking (like anti-depressants).  I quickly corrected her by saying that I did not have any of these things and still had a very experience anyway.  I told her the problem was that the diet industry was so greedy they didn't care who got hurt by putting mega doses of this crap into their products.

What had happened was I was taking Metabolite and it was working okay for me.  It gave me energy and other than an occassional bout of the shakes when I would wait too long to eat it really had no adverse effects.  The problem was it ceased to provide results so I got the idea to buy a product through the mail, which was supposed to be stronger.  This was the mega dosed stuff.

I told my mother in law, who is a medical professional, what I was taking and she cautioned me, saying it was a dangerous product.  I was kinda stubborn back in the day (big surprise) so I was going to take it anyway.  After all, I had taken the smaller doses and was fine - plus surely they wouldn't offer a product unless it was safe right?

Wrong.  Within a few days I was having scary heart palpitations where I could be laying completely still and I could feel my heart race inside me.  The kicker was going to see a movie in the theater, laughing out loud and nearly blacking out.  For a split moment I couldn't breathe and I felt like everything was shrinking to black.

This was within a week of starting this product.  I sent the rest back to the manufacturer, got a refund and never looked back.  I wouldn't even touch Metabolite again even though I liked the energy it gave me.

Again, this happened to me even when I was eating, taking only the recommended doseage, not taking other pills and not having underlying medical issues.  And you better believe I quit taking them before I developed any underlying issues.  Getting thin quick isn't worth dying for, IMO.

When the stories would come out about people who would die from it or become addicted to it, have heart attacks and strokes from it, do irreparable damage to their hearts because of it - I was really glad I ditched it.  I was really, really glad that the FDA stepped in and took it from the market. 

According to this chick, ephedra is used in asthma medications and is completely harmless when taken correctly.  Despite all the stories people had there, she basically in so many words suggested it wasn't the product that was in the wrong, but all of us.  I took great issue with this and attempted to set her straight.

She, in a roundabout way, insulted us by calling people who misused ephedra r got hurt by ephedra "quick fixers", even when she herself admitted to using it to speed up her own weight loss.

How grateful was I when a pharmecy technician chimed in and gave this gal links to places that speak of the true dangers of ephedra, who quoted studies, who basically confirmed everything that I had said.

This other gal says she doesn't care what the studies say, they're biased, she doesn't care what the doctors say, she doesn't trust them and (and here's the clincher) according to my photos I wasn't someone she'd accept weight loss advice from anyway.  She's doing just fine, she's practically a vegan who only puts healthy stuff into her body and everyone else is just uneducated.

At first I was highly miffed at her comment.  My first response was to be rude right back to her.  But now, I just have to laugh.  First of all she doesn't strike me as the kind of person who digs below the surface anyway on any given subject.  She's one of those "too bright" people who think their intellect in someway makes them superior to other people.  I'm like that to an extent and only when I'm absolutely sure I'm right (because I don't like to lose), but she has a definite nasty edge to how she treats other people.

As evidenced by the fact she didn't come into the conversation to provide a different viewpoint.  She could have said, "I use ephedra and I have no problems.  I have studied it extensively and this is what I've found".  Even if I don't agree with the differing point of view, I would appreciate hearing it when presented in a thoughtful manner.

The way she approached it was, "You guys are stupid.  What happened to you was your own damn fault."

I can accept my experience with ephedra was my fault because I took it willingly.  I'm not blaming anyone else for what happened to me - but I do know that what happened, happened because I took it. 

So basically I ended my participation in the debate by saying I've lost x amount of pounds and inches/dress sizes in a year without the aid of ephedra and I feel much better than I ever did taking it.  I didn't think it was necessary, that a good vitamin B complex supplement had the same effect and you actually feel better.  I gave some tips, which ironically are the same as her standard copy and paste response to anyone who asks a weight loss question, only to be rewarded with a slam about my weight in my photos.

As you know I didn't want to put my photos up on that site for just that reason.  Now that it's happened I'm not humiliated.  I'm ticked off.

How dare anyone look at me, see my weight and think they know anything about me?  How dare anyone treat me with any less value or respect just because I don't fit into a certain size?

That's messed up and you know what?  I'm not taking it anymore.

I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud of what I've accomplished.  If someone else dismisses me on sight, that's THEIR loss.  I'm a pretty groovy chick and if I accept someone as a friend that's a gift to THEM.  I'm tired of chasing around like a pound puppy trying to get everyone to like me.  That's ridiculous.  And with people like that they're never going to like you no matter what you do anyway. 

So what's the point?

I'm glad people like that are jerks.  I really am.  Because it makes it a lot easier to move on past them to find someone else.  I even got a friend out of this whole ordeal (the pharmecy tech), so that other chick can kiss my big fat patootie.  I'm not doing this for her, I'm doing this for me.

I'm getting to goal weight because I'm not going to let something as silly as some extra baggage stop me from living life.  I'm going to forge ahead on trying to get published/sold because I know I have the talent to do it.  I'm going to stop letting people like that intimidate me.

Cuz they're no better than me.  In fact, I kinda feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have the courage to look deeper and see people beyond face value. 

So no more of this feeling like a failure crap.  I've been letting things get in the way of my goals and that's just unacceptible.  I'm going to get back on the horse as soon as I'm well and I'm going to show that scale who's boss.  I'm even thinking of getting out the ol pedometer and working up to my 10,000 steps a day again.  My Pilates ball is even looking mighty tempting.  I'm going to hit the ground running and everyone just better watch out.

Cuz I'm going to rock this weight loss.  I'm also going to share what I've learned or am learning no matter if someone might think I don't know what I'm talking about.

After losing 70+ pounds, I think I have a pretty good handle on what works and what doesn't.

Bring it on 2005.  I'm ready for you.

Tip of the Day: COMMITMENT AND ACTION

Do what it takes to realize your dreams and goals and if you aren't in the mood -- do it anyway!

Stats:

Calories: 1909
Fat: 27%
Sat. Fat: 10%
Fiber: 26g
Calcium: 1392mg
Sodium: 3482mg
Water: 72oz
Exercise: None

DAILY AFFIRMATION: I am a person of value, who has a very unique gift to give to the world.  Myself.