21,500 words so far

I'll be half way done with this puppy by tomorrow night at this rate.  It's amazing how easily it's coming out.  Really amazing. 

My therapist suggested that I write my life story when she found out that I was a writer.  I resisted at first, thinking there is just too much of me I don't want anyone to know.  But this book would not be ignored. 

Even though I left a "cliffhanger" on the blog, I've written two more chapters since then.  Now I'm up to my seventh grade year.  Junior High, aka teenage hell, especially when you're different.

It's amazing to me how much some of these things still hurt.  I never thought on them much probably for that reason.  I'm the Queen of Avoidance.  Looking at this stuff and feeling this stuff is not a pleasant experience.  In the least.

It's also giving me newfound perspective for my kids.  We don't think we forget what it's like to be a kid, but we really do.  We forget when the center of our universe is being accepted by our peers.  We forget how every single thing is a drama.  When you're that young, you don't have any perspective on what real issues are.  You have nothing to compare it to.

Looking back, knowing what I know now, and living through that awkward teen on the page, brings it all back.  And you realize - it IS a  big deal.  You know it, because you can feel it again. 

I just wrote about the very first time I suited up in the girl's locker room.  It was torture.  In the whole scheme of things now, it's probably not that big a deal.  But then?  It was the end of the world.

I'm really glad that I have undertaken this project.  It's not easy, God knows, but I really feel better.  I'm no longer running from the pain or hiding from the pain - or burying the pain.  There's a certain freedom in that, and peace in that.

It really feels like I'm doing some emotional house cleaning. 

This was necessary.  I'm glad I'm doing it.