Judith Light

Anyone who remembers Judith Light from her Who's the Boss days will remember a woman as thin as a rail.  I just learned, having watched Intimate Portrait, that this wasn't always the case for her.

She reached her highest weight at 175 and finally decided to go to a psychiatrist for help.  He told her that she'd never learned how to eat... and that she should go eat.

She says she got mad; how could he tell someone who is overweight that they needed to eat? 

But, she says, what happened was she now had the permission to eat - something she'd never had before.  For a while she did eat whatever she wanted whenever she wanted, but she finally decided, well... since I can have ANYTHING I want... what do I really want?

I dunno why but a bell just went off in my head.  I think this is the cue to my deprivation issues.  I've been meaning to hit 1200-1500 calories, but I've been coming in at maybe 1800 instead.  Why?  Because I don't like being deprived those extra calories.  The deprivation is hitting me a lot harder in the last few months than it ever has the entire journey until then. 

Again it comes down to perception.  Instead of looking at it that I can eat anything I want, the choices are all in my hands, I've been looking at it from the standpoint that I CAN'T have what I want, that the choices are out of my hands.

Wow.  Epiphany.

Although I did have that kind of moment when I went shopping.  I walked through the bakery with no inclination whatsoever to buy anything bad.  I didn't want it.

It was my choice.

So I think I'm going to give myself the permission to eat... the permission to choose. 

I choose health.