"You are who you choose to be."

If any of you missed The Iron Giant, I'd highly recommend you watching it.  It's an animated tale about a young boy who discovers a robot from outer space and they begin an unlikely friendship.

The title of this blog is a line delivered in the movie, where the young boy, Hogarth, tells the Giant that he gets to be whatever it is he wants to be.  He doesn't have to be a weapon, he can be anything at all.

So many times in our own lives we're caught up in being who everyone else tells us we are.  The world views overweight people as lazy, sloppy, gluttonous, ugly, lonely, unnattractive, sexless, loveless and unworthy - and so the inner dialogue of the overweight person echoes these (completely untrue) sentiments.

It's no wonder our depression leads us to slow suicide.  Our perception defines our reality.

For instance.

I was chatting with another Hal fan last night and I expressed my fear meeting him in June.  The idea is to go to NYC and to meet him in person, something I normally would never, ever do.  This is why celebrity crushes are safe... they can never hurt you or reject you.  So it's pretty easy to throw energy at people where there's absolutely no risk.

Meeting someone = risk.

And it's not that I want to hook up with the man, I just don't want to be rejected.  Been there, done that with Neal Schon, another fallen idol.  When people you look up to reinforce your inner dialogue, it sucks.

Best to just avoid any and all chances of that, right? (which is reason numero uno why I've never met Steve Perry)

Well the problem is, if you avoid risks you avoid life.

And the fact of the matter is the world doesn't decide who I get to be, Hal Sparks doesn't get to decide who I get to be - even Steven, the boys, my mom, or producers or other writers don't get to decide that.

*I* get to decide.  I am who I choose to be.

I keep waiting on being thin to be confident, when that's something I can be right now.  I just have to stop letting outside validation rule my inner dialogue. This is why I plunged headlong off the wagon many months ago.  I let my weight loss journey define me instead of the other way around.

Instead of saying, "I'm going to be thin because I'm worthy" I was still buying into the BS that "I'm worthy because I'm going to be thin". 

It's amazing how the order of words can completely change their power.

One is empowering, one is belittling.

I'm not going to NYC a fat fan, I'm going to NYC a fan.  And he's darned lucky to have me. :)

I'm a person; my weight does not define me.

My experiences as a fat person define me, but my weight does not. 

I must embrace the song "Everyone is Beautiful" - because it validates the beauty in everyone, and we all have it.

Some of the things that define my beauty:

Strength
Tenacity
Courage
Intelligence
Humor
Compassion
Passion
Wit
Talent
Loyalty
Generosity
Spirituality
Depth

These make me beautiful.  Not the color of my eyes, the length of my hair, the size of my waist.

But these wonderful parts of my emotional makeup that make me a worthwhile person.   In To Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything Patrick Swazye delivers the line, "Approval neither desired nor required."

Because the line isn't "You are who THEY choose you are", it's "You are who YOU choose to be."

We need to stop giving our control to the whole wide world.  We need to walk down the street with our head held HIGH.  We deserve dignity, respect, love, success and happiness.

The only people robbing us of that, is us.

Today my battle cry is NO MORE.

I deserve better.

Goals:

Walk 1 mile
Calories: 1600-1700