Over Achiever Blues

When laying in bed, just rousing from sleep, and trying to schedule my day in my head I realized something.

I might not be able to do everything.

So I have a choice.  I can either lie to myself then beat myself up later for not meeting my goals OR I can realistically say I can't do it all and learn to be okay with that.

It's better to do a couple of things well than a half a dozen things half a$$ed.

Here's my dilemma.

You all know I'm taking correspondence classes.  Well these last couple of weeks I've been so blowing it, not turning in assignments or being very very late.  What should be easy has become very very difficult.  And like a snowball it just gets worse the longer I wait to deal with it.

Today I have two assignments due.  My goal is to get those done so they won't be late.  I could have a perfect grade, or one with points deducted for every day I put it off.  Those are my choices.  I've had a couple of big assignments get zeroes for procrastination.  I don't want any more.  I'm an A student... I don't need to settle for a C grade.

And if that weren't enough... I've got the go ahead to write but I haven't done it yet.  I rented a movie that is similar to the one I have mapped out in my head, and I meant to watch it before I got started.  Now, what I wanted done by the weekend (and a realistic goal, for sure) is still in the planning stages and it's Thursday already.

Not good.

Especially when the clock is ticking on this "summer" movie.

And we're still not done.

You all know I work for my sister.  Well, business has been very bad last couple of weeks.  We're talking half of what we normally do.  My responsibility is working on items that go in our Ebay store and I haven't touched even THAT this week.  What should be four digits so far is about half that.  And this is really priority one, because it affects my immediate future more than the other two.

So there are my responsibilities.

Instead of going out, getting my exercise by walking from store to store or mall to mall, I'm going to be stuck in this chair all day to catch up.

I'm afraid THAT is going to be my goal for today.

1 hour school
2-4 hours work
and the first act written

If I can fit a walk in all that, then I will.

But I'm not going to obligate myself to it and then have to come here tomorrow saying I didn't do it. 

Realistically, it looks like I might not.

But I can still do the calories.  I'm not sure if I did them yesterday or not.  I started off way low with these new breakfast bars and some cottage cheese and pineapple before I left the house, but by the time we decided to eat I was famished.  I stuck to basic restaurant strategy:  I ordered chicken instead of beef, veggies and rice instead of potatoes.  But I did sample the appetizer, I did half a dessert with my sister and I had one margarita.

Even so, I don't *think* I went over.  I'll see what I can calculate on Fitday.

I did get a lot of walking in.  Two miles easy. 

I just did the numbers on fitday and I didn't go over.  Yayyyyyy me.  :)

See?  It is a habit somewhere deep down.  If I could just get past all the deprivation crap, then I'd be set.

To tell you how much of a struggle it's been lately, I was at Allsups filling up the car the other day and I saw an ad for their deep fried burrito and I really had to remember that I can't have those anymore.  First of all, fried foods are not my best friend thanks to my gallbladder; but most importantly I don't need to put that kind of crap into my body.

Perception, folks.  Perception.

My perception today is that I'm strong enough and capable enough to do what needs to be done without compromising myself in the process.

(Incidentally I feel like such a bonehead that I have to work this through like this - that what people handle normally I need to retrain myself how to do. 

Self growth.

Who knew?)