Kinda sorta but not really

Remember those boundaries I was talking about?  I so blew that goal.

Mostly because I only got 3 1/4 hours sleep yesterday and never should have planned for the gym.  It just wasn't happening.  I tried to be ambitious when I should have been realistic.

Lesson learned.

But I did get a walk in.  It was too hot for the park so we walked the mall.  If nothing else, I'm going to get that walk in.

I blew the calories too, not intentionally mind you.  We were out and about, decided to eat out and it just sorta happened.  I didn't think what I ate would take me over, but it did.

Fajitas... no no.

Well had I resisted the tortillas it would have been okay.

But I'm still under what I burn normally - and that's key.  I can't OVER eat.  As long as I don't push past 2600 calories, I'm still creating a deficit and that's the main goal. 

1700 is just more of a deficit than 2200.

The problem hasn't really been what I was eating but why.  I was eating because I was stressed and needed comfort.  I've been consciously avoiding that.  It takes a lot of thought... impulse says reach for the comfort food. 

And like I said if I eat frequently, I'm not really hungry and I don't over indulge.  In fact, last night I left a lot of food behind, including tortillas.

I didn't want to.  Whenever I do that I think of all those starving children in Africa my mother taught me about.  Living your life motivated by guilt sucks.

And that's my main motivation... guilt.  Guilt because I'm not perfect.  So I try to be perfect, all the time.  This leads to over scheduling and really stressing myself out.

I think what I really need to do is simplify.

Like when I have two goals a day instead of five.  Right now it's enough to get that walk in.

Which has me thinking I need to just trim the fat from my life.  Maybe I need to drop the college courses.  I've gotten to the point where I'm missing assignments or turning them in late, for no other reason than I just never get around to them.  It's so stressful. 

I dunno yet.  Still floundering a bit here, trying to hang on by my fingernails.  I do know that a diet isn't going to help me right now.  What I need to do is what has always worked.  Monitor what I eat, do not overeat and exercise.  That's what I need... not all this diet crap I've suckered myself into.

The very thing I was writing about for my college class.

Color me hypocritical.

Anyway my goal today is to meet my calorie goal - 1600-1700 (this means no eating out no matter how tempting it is - this one will be tough) and to get my walk in.

I think I'll go now.  Putting it off is where I have my biggest problem, because I'll never do it if I don't do it now.

It's funny how we can talk ourselves out of anything given enough time.