Still here...

Yesterday was Oprah's Boot Camp show and she made it clear that there would be ZERO tolerance for excuses.

And guess who wakes up with a bad cold yesterday??

It started with a sore throat, but the achies and fever got me last night.  Now my nose is running and my eyes are watering and the last thing I want to do is start this thing.

So I decided to postpone it a day or two to get back on my feet.  I figure by Wednesday I'll be good to go.  And even if I'm still sick I'll be over the worst of it.

I went to the store on Friday and stocked myself up with lots of good things.  I'm going to get the Bob Greene Total Body Makeover book, because that's the program Oprah used.  I'm pretty inspired I can do it, even if I've been living off of crap.

We went to Dallas on Saturday to pick up a Valentine's Day present for the whole family.  Turns out we're not going to get the van, we ended up getting another car, so that gave us a little more money than we were expecting.  So we got a new addition to the family, namely Hal Bruiser Kaufman Shade, as seen above. 

I wanted a girl, but the only place that had puppies I could afford didn't have any available black girls, which is what I wanted.  Instead, we got this little man, and he's helped perk everyone up after the screwed up last few days we've had.

When in Dallas we stopped off for dinner at Applebee's and I was so jazzed that I practically sunk into the booth.  I told Steven that I liked Dallas, it was built for me.  He said the booths weren't any bigger, I was just that much smaller.

I like that feeling.

This is why I know no matter what I do or how many times I stumble (and I will, I'm human that way), I will always get up and go back to where I was.  I like feeling good in smaller clothes.  I like the fact that when I eat poorly now my body feels yucky - like I couldn't go back to the way I used to eat even if I wanted to.

Maybe that's why I got sick, who knows?  I've been eating for comfort last couple of days due to all the stress clashing with PMS clashing with grief over our loss.  I've gone off the wagon, I've gained weight and I feel disgusting.

Time to get back on track, and Oprah's just the drill sargeant to get me motivated.

One thing I decided yesterday while watching the show is that I need to celebrate each and every pound lost.  Rather than saying I'll lose 30, or I need to lose 100 - I'm going to concentrate on just that next pound.

Why?

Oprah said something yesterday that resonated with me.  She said we all lose it, one pound at a time.

She's right.  I'm going to get there by putting one foot in front of the other.  I won't take flying leaps or miraculous bounds - I'm just going to get there one pound at a time.

So each pound will be celebrated.  Instead of looking at how much I have left to go, I'm going to start getting excited about where I am. 

Wednesday, when I start boot camp, I'm going to go weigh in and I'm going to own those numbers.  It's going to be high, no doubt.  But that's not what's important.  I need to recognize that eating like I used to eat got me results that lead me up to 350lbs, and that's no longer acceptible.

I probably should have come here to journal my feelings instead of bury them in food, but we're not going to focus on yesterday.

Today I'm in control - and that's all I really can control anyway.

I'm going to lather on the Vicks, take a hot bath and get another nap in.  I've got two days to beat this thing - because Wednesday the program starts without fail.

Tomorrow I'll go over the specifics.  It doesn't look too difficult, except for the eight workouts a week thing - but again, this process isn't to lose weight but to be the healthiest I can be.

Losing weight is just a happy byproduct.