I Have a Headache THIS BIG...

Gym was out yesterday and most likely today because I had a monster headache yesterday.  I even went back to bed last night to try and kick it, but it's still lingering about.  Now I have to finish my work and try to fight off migraine status.

Could it be the chocolate I've been eating??  Darn caffeine.

Yeah, I've been a baaaaad girl indulging my chocolate craving.  PMS.  Such a joy.  Although the moodiness has been kept at bay, I'm still dealing with the salty and sweet munchies and a ravenous hunger for chocolate. 

Emotional eating?  It falls under that craving catagory but I don't think I'm feeding to fill an emotional hunger.  I'll have to work that one through.  I'm pretty sure it's just a hormonal thing.  I've been blissfully happy last couple of weeks.

Although I have taken on the stress of doing most of the housework.  I have two sons, one 14 year old and one 12 year old.  It's been a battle on all fronts, to make them do their chores, for them to pass their grade - all of it.  So I finally got tired of living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) and decided I'm going to cut back a bit on my work and start keeping the house in order.  Mainly because it absolutely stresses me out to live in a mess.  There's nothing quite like the serenity that comes when your house is in order.

Add the stress of trying to train kids to do chores to help out around the house TO never having a clean house - you had me going out of my mind.  I just got tired of it being a fight every single day.  Instead, I just do it.

The downside for them is that I cut their allowances (which they weren't getting much of anyway) and I told them my Christmas budget was cut by the extra work I'm going to have to do around the house (so no multi hundred dollar Christmas with cool video games and stuff like that this year).  I told them that instead I want them to focus all their energy on doing their schoolwork, and from nowon their allowances would come from that.  The better they did, the more money they'd make. 

Whether it would work or not, I have no idea.  My kids, for some inexplicible reason, are not moved by privilege or loss of privilege. 

They had it pretty good.  They had an X-Box they shared between them, plus TVs in their room and very minimal chores to do.  I say minimal because when I was growing up I didn't have a sibling living in the house so everything that had to be done was done by yours truly. 

Basically I broke it down to Kitchen duty and Other Duty.  The kitchen consisted of keeping the dishes washed (we have a dishwasher, btw), keeping the counters cleaned, the floor swept and the trash taken out.  It takes all of twenty minutes to do this, even when they do it. 

Instead they never unload the dishwasher and wash the same load upteen times, never clean off the counters, never take out the trash and waste detergent "soaking" dishes that never would have needed to be soaked if they were just rinsed off in the first place.

But nothing ever got rinsed off so things were stuck in the dishwasher and crud was splattered over everything and nothing ever got truly clean.  I knew this because I'd pull "clean" dishes out of the cabinet to find said crud still dried on like plaster.

Quite frustrating.

Interestingly enough, the kitchen was the chore the kids hated to do the most.  So I made the "Other" chore a lot harder.  This consists of picking up the living room, dining room and bathroom.  Scooping the kitty litter boxes (there's two), dusting the furniture and vacuuming the floor.  Invariably things would get tossed on the either side of the sofa and forgotten, the vacuum would be run over the carpet once only - often leaving stuff behind.  Kitty litter never got scooped so the cats would then poop on the side of the human toilet - which the kids never managed to see either.

This job also takes about twenty minutes to do when done correctly.  My kids however would fart around and waste an hour then complain it was taking too long so they weren't able to do their homework.

The only "hard" day the kids had was Saturday, in which the Kitchen Kid would have to mop and the Pooper Scooper would have to clean the bathroom (which meant wash out the tub, wipe off the mirror and scrub the toilet).  And to do it all according to the chore chart would give them $10 a week.  If they did it half way they got paid half way, according to their efforts.  And they were quite happy with earning less than the full amount, which I never understood.

When I was a kid I wanted to earn money because I hated having to ask my mother for anything.  It wasn't that she isn't a generous person but she's a penny pincher to the nth degree.  This is the kind of woman who wouldn't throw away paper towels because just using them once meant they were still good to use again.  This is the kind of woman who had a separate cabinent just for her cool whip and butter bowls that we got to use as dishes.  She wouldn't throw away tin foil or paper/plastic bags from the grocery store.  I thought it was my first act of independence when living on my own to throw away paper towels after one use. 

And to be quite honest with you, I still have a problem throwing away cool whip/butter bowls and paper/plastic bags from the grocery store. 

Needless to say whenever I wanted anything from the store it went through the "do you really need this" litmus test.  And of course, as a kid I didn't really need anything that wasn't already provided for me - but I wanted a lot of stuff.  Freedom to me meant I could spend my money without being judged on how I spent it.  By the time I was fifteen years old I was pounding the pavement looking for a job so I wouldn't have to answer to anyone on how I spent my money.

Once I did have a job I paid my mom rent, I bought my first car and I spent my money however I saw fit.  I was not going to deprive myself.

It's funny how it all goes back to that, isn't it?   It's probably the main reason I am not much of a saver, although I really really want to be.  Instead I fulfill those instant gratifications rather than save up for a rainy day.  It's the reason my finances are in such a bind.  The one thing that comes before anything else is the household money (being homeless once can really make you paranoid that way), but after the bills are met whatever is left over is usually fair game. 

Lately there hasn't been anything left over.  That crisis with Jeremiah really set us back.  Thank God we had the money at the time to take care of it (I was finally getting my act together saving some back), but since then we've been down about $400-500 that we really needed.

It had me stressing about the holidays and how to swing the stuff I really wanted to be able to do.  That's why last week I just put the brakes on.  I told the kids I was going to scale back work to keep the house in order (this is important), and by doing so it was going to shave $500 off my earnings for the rest of the year therefore affecting how I'm going to spend money for presents. 

I had wanted to buy both kids a bike this year, along with hundreds of dollars worth of other toys.  But I'm divorcing myself from this mindset.  I'm using material things rather than being a mom to my kids and that's not right.  I need to be there when they need me to be there.  I need to make them feel secure, that they have their needs met.

They haven't felt that because I do spend a lot of time working.  That this weight loss journey is like a whole other job doesn't help.  Which is why the family spending time together at the gym is so important.  It's not just about me anymore.  The kids actually get to see me do the stuff I need to do to succeed (which is teaching them a lot).  I've taken control over the house so they don't live in CHAOS except in their rooms (let's not EVEN go there, one battle at a time please). 

Someone said that one day they're going to forget the gifts they got on Christmas, but they'll never forget the family experiences of being together, doing things together and the emotional gifts I can give them.

So that's what Christmas is about this year. 

And we told the kids if they get straight A's they get the bikes.  So now they have something to work for.

Okay, I guess I was feeling deprived.  Maybe that's why I've gone overboard on the chocolate lately.  Thank God for this blog.  I just need to start writing it here first instead of thinking I have it under control.

Someone asked me what level I do on the eliptical.  I'm not using the settings that deal with levels.  I do the cardio setting, which works off of my heart rate.  (the fat burning works off of the heart rate too).  Steven does levels but I think he does the random setting.  I tried the fat burning one, but it goes slower and burns more so I ditched that one LOL.  I'll get back to it eventually, once I've built the stamina to work the darn thing.

I measured myself and I'm down 2" this week.  Finally.  Last week didn't show any change.  I don't know if the crunches are the reason but the girth is down 1 inch.  Steven even said yesterday he could tell how my front was slimmer.  This is a very good thing.

I'm not looking forward to the gym on Monday, I'm afraid taking both these days off will make it that much harder to get started again.  But I do know all it takes is one time to go and I'll be back in the swing of things. 

Plus I'll need to go back, because I'm going to be ditching the 1800 calories again today.  I was expecting to stay up all night again and overloaded on calories last night, which leaves me about 600 more calories for the rest of the day.

It ain't happenin. 

But that's ok.  I'm going to still cap off at 2200 like I'm supposed to (good practice for when I get down to goal) and I'm going to work my tail off all week next week so I can take next weekend off without guilt.  Next Sunday is my birffday.  And I'm gonna party like it's my birffday.  There's a trip to Red Lobster in my future. 

Last year I went off program.  This year I'll do it right.

Tip of the Day: HOLIDAY STRATEGY, PART I.  We all know what's coming.  It's lurking there on our calendars almost defiantly.  The good news is you don't have to stay locked up along and eat a Smart Ones Turkey dinner to stay on program.  I'm going to bump up my calories to "maintaining" level (2200) for that day.  This way even though I'll eat more than normal I still won't over eat.  Here are some tips for us to get through the first of the Years End Holiday Hurdles. 

SPEND YOUR CALORIES WISELY.  It's a matter of math really.  The key to losing weight is to take in less calories than you spend.  Therefore the key to gaining weight is to taking in more calories than you spend.  With this little piece of crucial knowledge you are now fully armed against gaining weight this holiday season.  Plan, plan, plan.  Know how much you can eat before you ever pop a morsel in your mouth.  And if you overdo it, know how much time at the gym you need to get back in balance. 

Stats:

Calories: 2160
Fat: 25%
Sat. Fat: 11%
Fiber: 43g
Calcium: 1485mg
Sodium: 3557mg
Water: 72oz
Exercise: Free Day

DAILY AFFIRMATION:  Rather than focusing on what I'm "deprived" I remind myself of how much I'm blessed.