T.G.I.F.

Thank
God
I'm
Fitter!!

Tonight I did 45 mins of cardio in addition to thirty minutes on the machines working out my arms.  That included not three minutes on the eliptical, not four minutes, but five whole minutes on the eliptical.  It kicked my booty, but I did it.

Once again I must ask myself why I waited so long to do this.  I'm having a blast.  I feel so in control and I like to feel in control.

And I get to eat what I want - there's no diet here. 

And by eat what I want I mean of course in the right proportions.  I couldn't pig out all day on the bad foods and work out and still feel as in control as I do.  But meeting those guidelines (even the carbohydrate limit of 300 grams per day - this is HUGE for a carbo-lover like me), drinking my water, getting my vitamins and working hard at the gym, each visit testing my limit of what I can do is absolutely FABULOUS. 

My sister asked me the other day if I could tell a difference and I told her that I was happy.  That's the main thing.  No more moodiness.  No more blowing up at the kids and held captive to my freaky hormones. 



And it feels great seeing Steven throw himself into it as well.  He doesn't like the regular cardio machines so instead he tried circuit training on the weights today.  He likes that much better and he's been really good at pushing himself too.  He seems to really enjoy it.  My hunky hunk of a husband is going to turn into a buff beefcake at this rate. 

That we're doing this together is even better.  Both of us are excited, both of us share the joys and owwies that come with building a better body.  We're more affectionate and instead of going off to work separately on the computer and barely talking, we're actually partners again.

It's been great on so many levels.

WHY was I being so stubborn about it before??



Steven gave me an early birthday present today.  The Looney Tunes Golden Collection.  I'm such a Looney Tunes fan, it was high on my list.   I'm about to put in in the DVD player because it just ain't Saturday morning without Bugs, Daffy and the gang. 



I'm falling a bit behind on my NaNoWriMo experiment.  Time is getting away from me here and I'm only on chapter three.  I don't know why it's been so difficult to re-learn novel writing.  Screenwriting is very sparse and done in the present tense.  Novels are a bit more extensive and written in the past tense.  My first night writing my head nearly exploded from switching the "tense" gears, I still might be mixing them, although I'm trying very hard not to.

I'll get there, and even if I don't complete the novel in one month I'm going to do my level best to finish it regardless.  I'm on a mission to finish whatever I start.  I'm tired of living in a tangle of loose ends and empty promises.  I need more integrity - getting fit and healthy is the training I need to get integrity in every other facet of life. 



Because being fat always felt to me like my biggest broken promise.  I lived forever with the intention to lose weight someday.  Finally I realized the road to obesity is paved with good intentions.  Eventually, I just had to grab the bull by the horns and do it.  In that came a promise to myself that I was not going to go down without a fight.  That meant I had to make it all the way to fulfill my own promise.

Way back in my deepest darkest thoughts I never believed I could make it all the way.  I never saw myself as thin, couldn't picture myself at goal, although I had plenty of thoughts of what I would do if I ever got there.  A lot of it was a great big ol' banner to the world that rejected me as "there, take THAT". 



I think maybe I just never felt I was good enough to enjoy that success.  That's why I race up to success and then run away again when I approach it.  Sometimes I get this weird feeling that something great is waiting, that I am meant to live a life larger than I allow - and quite frankly it scares me to death.  It's beyond my dreams and I never really ever truly believed in those dreams coming true.

From the weight, to a good marriage, to a rewarding (and prosperous) career and making an indelible mark on the world.  I believe I'm meant for these things, but I never was persuaded I was able to achieve them.

Mostly because I always struck out before.  Well... that's not even very accurate.  I don't strike out as much as I bench myself altogether.  I don't even get out there on the playing field.  I'm just as afraid of hitting it out of the park as I am striking out. 



That quote comes back to me:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?'' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It's not just some of us; it's in every one of us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. -
—Marianne Williamson

I think for me this is especially true.  And that's why this weight loss journey is more than just an attempt to fit into a smaller size.  It's an attempt to release who I really am underneath all the weight.  Cuz she's meant to go places, and I have no right to keep her bound.



Tip of the Day: EMOTIONAL HUNGER.  One of the biggest things we can do to fight off the need to feed is to find out what makes us hungry.  There are vast differences between "emotional" hunger and "physical" hunger.  A few ways to tell the difference:

1.  Emotional hunger comes on suddenly, physical hunger occurs gradually.

2.  When you're trying to fill an emotional void, you'll crave something specific, and nothing will satisfy you but that one specific food. (i.e. ice cream, chocolate, pizza).  When you're truly hungry, you're more open to different options.

3.  Emotional hunger feels like it needs to be satisfied immediately (with the food you crave).  Physical hunger can wait.

4.  Even when you're full, if you're eating to fulfill an emotional need you will likely keep eating.  When you're eating because you're physically hungry, you tend to stop when you get full.

5.  Emotional eating often leaves you with feelings of guilt.  Eating to satisfy physical hunger does not.



Stats:

Calories: 1848
Fat: 25%
Sat. Fat: 9%
Fiber: 56g
Calcium: 1750mg
Sodium: 5265mg (making up for doing so well yesterday... EEK)
Water: 72oz
Exercise:  30 mins stationary bike
                 5 mins eliptical trainer
                10 mins treadmill, walking uphill
                30 crunches (2 sets of 15)
                30 mins weight training/ arms

DAILY AFFIRMATION: see quote above.  It says it all.

Happy Bloggerversary to Me

Well here we are, at the year anniversary of me creating this blog.  It's been one heckuva year.  In November 2003 I weighed 330.5 lbs.  In November 2004 I weigh 278.5lbs for a total of 52lbs lost in a year (a pound a week, not too shabby). 

In that year I've lost ten dress sizes and coming on 55. inches (that's nearly five feet, people) of body fat.  Again, not too shabby.

In that year I've gone from barely walking a mile to working out at the gym, riding a bike vigorously for 30 mins, then spending another 30 mins with weight training, and more stamina than that to throw in more cardio on top of that (details on that later, but get out all your atta girls).  Not to mention in the last six months I've won the bronze award from The President's Challenge - You're it. Get fit!

In that year I've been featured twice on the  AOL Journals: Welcome! Top Five Journals, once on AOL Diet & Fitness: AOL Takes It Off - February 2004 , twice on AOL Diet & Fitness and once (and still) on AOL CityGuide: Los Angeles - City Talk.  This simple little blog that has me stumbling and fumbling the ball more than making those all important touchdowns I wanted to make.  But you all still accept me, as imperfect as I am.  You like me... you really, really like me.  :)

But most importantly in that year I've met some INCREDIBLE people who have pulled me from the brink when I needed, given me pats on the back and support when I needed it, loved me when I was unlovable and kept me going when I was trying to wallow around my own self pity. 

That ticker says 67, 845 hits and that's something that completely blows me away.  You all just blow me away.  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

  

I'm excited to be a part of this journaling community.  Does a year's worth of public journaling make me a journalist?  LOL

Either way I'm just so grateful that I have had this anchor to keep me grounded on what's real.  And what is real is not finding success in meeting the ultimate goal - but in celebrating all the little goals that pave the way. 

For anyone out there who wants "this" time to be different, I highly recommend a blog. 

  

My sister is a little on the fence about the gym, but with her going for at least the next two weeks she's going to kick my butt on cardio.  Tomorrow we're going to aspire to 45mins of cardio. 

And miracle of miracles, I think I can bump that 3 minutes on the eliptical trainer up to 4. 

Not to mention I could do my thirty crunches in two sets of 15 rather than three sets of 10.  That, my friends, is what I consider progress.

 

Many of you have been following me for a long time.  I don't think it's going to come as any surprise to you all when I say I'm a weigh in-a-holic.  That there is a free standing medical scale at the gym does not help my addiction.

I caved.  Okay?  I said it.  I gave in. 

The official weight of record is the comp scale which I'll do again on December 4, but the medical scale showed a loss of 3lbs  and I just couldn't be any happier.  I'm working out and feeling good inside and it's showing on the outside.  Even Michelle (my sister) said my tshirt looked like it was swallowing me whole.

I can live with that.

 

Okay folks.  Announcement time.  I began a project this month called NaNoWriMo, which shall test if I can cram writing a 50,000 word novel in the space of a month.  So I started a blog of my novelized My Immortal.  Read along as I race toward the finish line. 

Also, everyone give a big shout out to my best friend Jeff who has joined the Blogging Community.   He's one of us now.  Point.Click.Jeff

 

 Tip of the Day: BALANCE YOUR WORKOUT.  Just as important as it is to get your heart pumping, it's also important to invest in strength training.  Think of muscle as a fat burning factory.  The more muscle you build, the better your metabolism.  You have to balance between the two, working cardio to drop weight and working muscles to develop tone. 

 

Stats

Calories: 1771
Fat: 26%
Sat. Fat: 9%
Fiber: 30g
Calcium: 1562mg
Sodium: 2730mg (woo hoo!  FINALLY hit goal)
Water: 72oz
Exercise: 30 mins stationary bike
              3 mins eliptical
              5 mins treadmill/ level 6, uphill
              30 mins weight training/ back and shoulders

DAILY AFFIRMATION: I have accomplished much.  I can accomplish anything.

A Restful Evening

Okay so I didn't make it to the gym.  Steven had already suggested we take Sundays and Wednesdays for our "rest days", and when my sister decided not to go tonight, I felt inclined to agree.  Mostly because I'm training her in the same way Abel trained us, and the only set she's missing is the next one I'm doing.  We'll be doing that tomorrow, and if she doesn't come she loses out.

 

Instead I watched TV.  Like I said, Wednesday is total TV night.  I'm absolutely hooked on Lost, it is an AMAZING show.  If you're not hooked already you need to watch because it is so well done.

It's the story about a plane that crashes on a remote island, and the survivors who are stranded there.  They have quite a colorful cast, including the resident bad boy "Sawyer", played very well by Josh Holloway.  Tonight we got to know a little bit more about him and it was quite interesting indeed.  These writers really know how to build the suspense and then smack you in the face with some pretty impressive twists.

As a writer myself, I can really appreciate this.

 

But it wasn't Lost that got to me tonight.  No, it was my guilty little pleasure, "The Bachelor". 

Okay, I'm a sucker.  I admit it.  I'm a hopeless romantic and I know it.  Incurable.  So I totally fall for this show almost every single season. 

Well this season was many previous seasons in the making.  The very first Bachelor I watched was the last show of the first season, when Trista got rejected.  I felt bad for her and was excited she got to turn the tables and be the Bachelorette.  That's where I found Bob.

I liked Bob.  A lot.  He reminds me a lot of Steven.  He's funny and he's totally not arrogant.  He's a nice guy.  And I can appreciate that.  Did I mention how funny he was?  And as we've already established, funny goes a long way with me.

Even Steven liked Bob because Bob was a regular guy.  So Steven related well with the average guy who had a good sense of humor.  (Not that Steven is average - but in his mind he is)

 

Bob gets voted off.  Bob gets his own turn at the Bachelor.  Bob meets and kisses a lot of women.  One of which was Mary, a very sweet, beautiful (inside & out) woman who was very committed to finding love and family.

Bob, who wasn't really sure if the time was right for him to have a family, sent Mary home on the second to last episode, breaking her heart and mine.  I was rooting for Mary to be the last woman standing.

Fast forward to Bob breaking up with his final choice and marrying Rebecca Buding whom he met on the ABC Family Bachelor recap show, and we all can agree Mary got off lucky, even though she got hurt.

 

So color me surprised when one of the "twists" of this season is Mary returning for another chance at love on episode three.   Color me invested when Byron, the new Bachelor, tells Mary he is indeed ready to have kids and get married and extends her a rose. 

Every Wednesday I've been there, watching with bated breath, waiting to see if poor Mary was going to get the boot again.  For her, I want the fairy tale and my heart is in it for her each and every episode, even when it looked like she would finally be cast off because she's still carrying the wounds of the Bob episode and Byron seemed to grow weary of paying the price for Bob's mistakes. 

I was soooo sure she'd get cast off tonight, but she was given the first rose.  I totally broke out into tears and so now I'm so invested I can hardly see straight.

I want the fairy tale.  We'll have to wait two weeks to see if I get it. 

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Okay, silly fangirl thoughts perged now.  We now return you to your weight loss blog currently in progress.

 

Not much really to talk about.  We learned yesterday that weighing in on the comp scale at the gym costs $7 a whack after the initial consultation.  Talk about your incentive to break a weigh in addiction.  I can wait till the first of December.

 

I do feel a little weird not having gone to the gym today to be honest.  I'm one of those people who mistakes motion for progress.   It's hard to believe that I was living this way quite happily mere weeks ago.  It would have seemed unfathomable that I would be going to the gym on a regular basis and liking it. 

Who is this person??

Oh that's right, it's the moth tearing her way out of a fat cocoon. 

And man, how good it feels.

 

Tip of the Day: DINING OUT, PART VII.  Make a plan, Stan.  You wouldn't go into battle without a plan of attack, why treat the battlefield of restaurants any differently?  Know what you're going to do before you do it and stick to that plan.  You'll be surprised to learn how "regular" food can easily fit into your daily calorie intake as long as you make a plan for it to be there.  Then you can go, leave your worries at home and fully enjoy your dining out experience.  Like GI Joe says, Knowing is half the battle.

 

Stats:

Calories: 1908
Fat: 23%
Sat. Fat: 9%
Fiber: 34g
Calcium: 1989mg
Sodium: 4456mg
Water: 72oz
Exercise: Free Day

DAILY AFFIRMATION:  It's as important to stand still as it is to run forward.  There are rewards in enjoying the moment.

 

Last Training Session

Tonight was our last session with Abel training us on the equipment.  He's always there if we need him but from now on we're out of the nest and flying.

We'd already done the leg exercises twice before, but Abel cranked up the Owwie factor a few notches by making us do them slowly.  It burned, but he says that's a good burn. 

My sister went with us again tonight, and this time brought her future daughter in law with her.  Oddly enough, I wasn't in the least bit intimidated or self conscious.  Isn't it funny how the things we are most afraid of barely even raise an eyebrow once we've conquered them?

 

I really do feel good about the progress I'm making.  And Steven even noticed today how much better my mood improves once I've completed a workout.

I like how time loses all meaning once we're in the gym.  I don't really worry about rushing to get anything done.  Today we were on a bit of a schedule because we were training, so I didn't get all of the biking done or get my three minutes on the eliptical, but really - when it comes to the weight stuff - I have the patience of a saint.  I could spend half a day there if I wanted.  Easily.

 

I really enjoy it.  I look forward to it.  It no longer feels like a chore.  Neither does the biking provided its at the gym.  I don't know why it's easier to do there than here, it just is.  I think it's the group mentality.  So many people working out together is inspiring.  We're all there for the single minded goal of getting fit.  Being heatlhy.  I can see why so many people consider the gym their church and fitness their religion. 

And what's really funny is I used to look at them all like they were nuts as recently as two weeks ago.  Now I get it.  It's intoxicating. 

 

I'm even going to forsake the Bachelor tomorrow to get a workout in.  If I keep up at this rate I may work out six days a week.  Especially if my sister Michelle comes too.  With Steven, the kids, Michelle and Melissa (her daughter in law to be), we're taking over the place. 

Who knows?  The next family reunion might be held at Golds. LOL

 

Speaking of family stuff, we all know what's coming up in a few weeks.  That's right.  Turkey Day.  Last year I was a baby on this journey I was nervous about Turkey Day.  I was sure that I was facing The Enemy.  Talk about your overeating temptations.  The holidays are full of it.

But you know what?  I've come to realize that Turkey Day is not really "Turkey Day".  It's Thanksgiving.  It's a time to reflect on my blessings and share with others.  It's a time to recognize the things I do have and show my gratitude.  It's not about the dishes I prepare or the ways I stuff myself, it's about being with family and friends and enjoying the true treasures in my life.  Pumpkin pie is nice, but I can live without it.  My family, I could not. 

 

I came to the same realization about Christmas.  Every year I outdo myself on what I give to my kids.  I want to give them big presents, I want to spoil them rotten.  This year I put the brakes on and said that this is not what it is going to be about.  I'm not going to work myself to exhaustion, I'm not going to spend myself into the poorhouse (actually the brokehouse, I've skated right on past poor at this rate).  That's not what Christmas is about. 

But I can understand why I put so much emphasis on food and material things.  Ever since my dad died when I was eleven, I've been scared senseless to get emotionally close to anyone.  It's easier to get close to a cheesecake or a piece of jewelry rather than people, because I have more control over that cheesecake or jewelry. 

I cannot control if people are going to stick around, either willingly or even physically.  I'm really insecure about that.  When people get sick (like my mom has), I find myself distancing myself from her.  I'm just so scared to get close to anyone who may someday leave me and there's not a darn thing I can do about it.

 

So I close off and put my focus on the wrong thing.  And it's time I stop that.  High time.

This holiday season I'm going to make a concentrated effort to send more of myself out there in the world - to reach out to people, to get closer to loved ones. 

And you know what?  I think, much like the gym, I'll find it addicting and not the least bit scary once I just dive in.

 

Tip of the Day: DINING OUT, PART VI.  "If you don't clean your plate you cannot have any dessert."  Remember hearing that?  More appropriately it should have been, "If you clean your plate you shouldn't have any room for dessert."  Restaurants serve monster proportions for their dinner entrees.  Sometimes you can eat two servings on one plate.  So instead, ask the waiter to put half in a to-go box, or, if you're dining with a friend, split the entree.   You'll still get a good meal, and still have room for dessert.

 

Stats:

Calories: 1966
Fat: 29%
Sat. Fat: 9%
Fiber: 39g
Calcium: 1740mg
Sodium: 4150 (where is all this sodium coming from?? lordy)
Water: 72oz
Exercise: 15 mins stationary bike, 30 crunches, 30 mins weight training/legs

DAILY AFFIRMATION:  It's okay to feel.  Truly feeling is truly living.

 

 

Just Another Manic Monday (whoa-oh-oh)

Have you noticed I tend to put happy as my mood after going to the gym?  I'm addicted to those endorphins, let me tell ya.

I was a little concerned that my legs wouldn't let me ride the bike all the way, but they did.  I was a little concerned that I wouldn't make the two minutes on the eliptical, I went ahead and did three again (take THAT Mr. Eliptical).  I even got on the treadmill for a couple of minutes. 

It was a good workout, although I think I was on acid when I had Abel set those weights last week because they felt a LOT heavier today.  But I still did them.

I'm such a little trooper.

 

So I noticed that I'm once again featured on AOL Diet & Fitness.  For the first time in a long time I feel like I'm qualified to be there, weight plateau be darned.  I'm forging on and making the changes to my health, regardless of what the scale says. 

I do look forward to seeing the changes the first week of December though.  It'll be really neat to see those stats change thanks to all this exercise.  And not just in pounds lost, but in body fat percentage.  No longer will I have to question if I'm gaining muscle instead of losing fat OR retaining water.  This scale tells me everything.  I think it even told me what the weather was the day I was born.

The scale "knows".

 

Anyway I thought I'd take a moment to go over my eating program again.  What I'm doing isn't a diet.  I don't believe in diets.  I believe in learning how to eat right and eat for the right reasons.  I found out how many calories I need to maintain my current weight (again, from the nifty scale from Gold's) and I simply shave several hundred off.

Mathematically if you create a calorie deficit of 1000 calories per day, in a week you can lose about 2lbs (7000 calories).  If only weight loss were so predictable.  But it's a formula, and from the formula I can create a plan and I really like plans.  So I go with it.

I used to depend solely on my food intake to shave those calories off, but that led to the much maligned plateau I've endured for the past six months.  The new advice I'm heeding, "Diet less, exercise more."  Therefore I'm turning into a total gym rat and working hard to burn those calories.

We'll know if this works the first week of December, as I'm not going to be doing weekly weigh ins anymore.  I'm shifting my focus from numbers on a scale to accomplishing goals in the gym or on my nutritional intake.  If I do that, then the numbers have no where else to go but down.  I'm just not going to pressure myself about it.

 

I've come a long way.  It's time to put some faith in myself that I can do this without needing a scale to validate my efforts.  The validation comes from seeing where I started and knowing I'm 72lbs lighter and 10 dress sizes smaller. 

Right now I'm about to pull my arm out of socket from patting myself on the back so much at all the stuff I'm able to do at the gym.  Okay, so I can't do thirty mins on the eliptical yet.  So I can't do very many of those crunches at a time.  Compared to what I could do a year ago, I've come a long way, baby.

Like I said yesterday, it's not about where you started.  It's about where you're headed.

And I've got a one way ticket to Thinsville USA.

 

Tip of the Day: DINING OUT, PART V.  The thrillin's in the grillin.  Skip all that battered deep fried stuff, go for grilled meats instead.  Get something seasoned with a spice rub and ditch the butter or cream based sauces (see yesterday's tip).  For an extra treat find those grilled meat combinations that include vegetables (like salsa). 

 

Stats:

Calories: 1824
Fat: 25%
Sat. Fat: 7%
Fiber: 40g
Calcium: 1759mg
Sodium: 3789mg
Water: 72oz
Exercise: stationary bike 30 mins, eliptical 3 mins, 30 crunches, 30 mins weight training/arms.

DAILY AFFIRMATION:  Every day I'm becoming stronger and more fit.

 

 

 

A Sleepy Sunday

Not much to report today.  I spent the entire day resting up after a busy week. 

I found out that extra minute may be one minute too many.  My calves have ached badly ever since yesterday.

 

But I'm not going to let that stop me.  I'll be back at the gym tomorrow without fail. 

In the meantime I'm just going to wind down and relax.  I've worked hard.  I deserve it.

 

Tip of the Day: DINING OUT, PART IV.  Add the term "on the side" to your vocabulary.  Often you can allow yourself a tablespoon of even the most decadent sauces, gravies or dressings with your meal.  As always it comes right back to portion control.  Everything in moderation.

 

Stats:

Calories: 1974
Fat: 22%
Sat. Fat: 7%
Fiber: 55g
Calcium: 1789mg
Sodium: 3411mg
Water: 72oz
Exercise: None

DAILY AFFIRMATION: Relaxing in the moment is as important as pushing through to the finish line.

 

There Were Elipticals in Medievil Dungeons

I didn't think the difference between 2 mins and 3 mins would be that big, but my legs are so sore I can't even tell you.  I'm going to work at 3 mins for a while, to get used to the activity. 

Other than that, the gym was again great.  I ended up doing 3 sets of 10 of those crunches, but I still got all 30 in.  On my last machine, the butterfly machine, I kinda fizzled out but I think it was mostly because I didn't eat a protein for breakfast before I went.  My blood sugar crashed after 30 mins on the bike, 3 mins of the eliptical, 30 crunches and about 30 mins of chest and back weight work. 

 

I think I'm going to attempt circuit training after I get all the weight training from Abel.  It burns a ton-o-calories and I'm all about making the most of my workout so that I can see better results without totally relying on my calorie restrictions.

Speaking of calorie restrictions, I jumped Saturdays up to 2200 since that is what I'll have to eat to maintain.  That will more than likely change with every weigh in, as I get a new calorie count.

 

I'm debating on whether or not to go in tomorrow.  I don't necessarily have to, I was aiming for 5 days a week and that was today.  I'll see how I feel.  I generally don't want to let more than one day lapse in between because I know how hard it will be to restart the program after that long.  I may go in tomorrow and skip Monday, Abel says that's the busiest day of the week. 

 

It all depends on my poor legs.  They are not happy with me today.  And the chest/back work was a little more intense it seemed like.  I'm a little more sore than before.  As if my body is saying, "Hey one time was bad enough.  You mean we're going to be doing this regularly??"

 

Tip of the Day: DINING OUT, PART III.  They may not all be Burger King but you should always try to get things your way.  You know how you amend your menu at home for lower fat or calories, why not ask the cook at your favorite restaurant to do the same?  Many menus now offer low fat alternatives to their main menu. So it never hurts to ask.

 

Stats

Calories: 2260
Fat: 32%
Sat. Fat: 11%
Fiber: 30g
Calcium: 1375mg
Sodium: 3976mg
Water: 72oz
Exercise: 30 mins bike, 30 crunches, 30 mins weights/chest & back

DAILY AFFIRMATION:  It doesn't matter where you started.  It's where you're headed.